I am still naive. I discovered reality at 22. They tell me that I am too spontaneous, I have no malice, I am like a child. Many people have exploited, used and abused me. Sometimes I don’t recognize evil, I trust others a lot, I’m a white dove but the others are all snakes. I always pray to God to give me a good heart, only this I need but my good heart causes me a lot of damage because people take advantage of me. There is no girl as naive as me. I tried to change but I couldn’t. I try to help others and in the past I have thought more about others than myself. Art has carried me with it for many years and when I entered the real world I did not know the rules and so I was bewitched by certain people who did not deserve anything of me. I have been wrong so many times and I did not know why, I did not know I was different, because I had been far from the world and I had lived only among the colors. It was very difficult to get close to the real world because I was a poor naive.


I have not seen “Life is beautiful”. And I have not seen “The boy in the striped pajamas”. Do you know why? After seeing “Shindler’s List” I was sick for 3 months. I was in Palermo. I went to Zen and left there all my books, my jewels, my paintings, my clothes, everything I owned. I’ve never told anyone. I managed to get into Zen because I was dressed like a gypsy (they control everything). When I was a little girl and I saw a movie “Amazonia” during the break I went out of the cinema, went to a shop, bought some make-up, went back to the cinema, went to the bathroom and put on my make-up like an Indios. At the end of the film everyone was looking at me as if they had seen an alien. I lay badly for months and months. I wrote desperate letters to the president of Brazil, I wrote to the Pope, many letters that have never been answered. Certain films, about certain truths, make me snap something, and I risk my life. I do absurd things. After seeing “American Sniper” I bought a ticket for Iraq and had to leave. Except that I have health problems and my doctor told me that I would go to die without my drugs. I cannot know of some suffering otherwise I feel too bad and do unthinkable things. When I was 4 they abused me for a long time, and so I know what it feels like when you get great pain. It’s not up to me, I can’t get rid of it.


Growing up with an always sad mother. With a woman who sacrificed her job to raise two daughters. How many women sacrifice their careers because husbands don’t want them to neglect their children? Growing up with a mother who little by little no longer laughs, no longer sings, does not want to go out, becomes antisocial, changes character. A father who commands with money, with greed, with control over everything from clothes to food. And he has the power to say yes or no. A mother who is stripped of her worth, humiliated because she stays at home and was forced to choose to be close to her daughters. A woman finished, emptied, become unhappy. This was my mother. Destroyed by a man who wanted her only for himself and always at home. Instead she was a very good stylist, she had a lot of creativity and imagination, she taught me so many things. But then it got bad because of my dad. A woman should never be hindered by a husband or life partner or boyfriend.


More emotional creatures? Ha ha ha, you can see that those who do these studies are really in the dark about certain female arguments. They have no idea what entanglements are in a woman’s mind. This belief that women think only in an emotional way, that they always fall in love and that they are guided only by the heart … But that’s enough! There are many men who crawl like worms, obsessed with love for their mistress. Men that perhaps science never analyzes. It is really absurd to think that we women are just hearts and flowers. If scientists went and touched the lives of so many men they would seriously see those who use their hearts and are emotional. Women are excellent actresses. They are so mentally organized that they know what kind of behavior to perform to achieve certain things. And they are often sadistic and cruel more than many men. Many men have remained in the oral phase, they want a maternal woman who humiliates and punishes them. And does science consider them rational? Ha ha ha… How many truths remain out of the official data! Even many of these scientists who write about women’s emotions then go and crawl under the boots of some mistress. And I assure you they don’t do it just out of scientific curiosity. Many men who claim to be rational become slaves of dominant women. Women who just want to make money from these men. This type of women has no qualms and is very materialistic.


Since childhood they deviate from us, do you know? They tell us to do this and that and to obey the teacher and be good. And this kind of education kills our true nature and our imagination. The system makes us kill internally from an early age. If you look at the children of the past who grew up free in the countryside, they were more real and happy. They had no pathologies and were never bored. And then they became authentic people and not fake like so many people now. Schools are the prisons of human minds.


When I have negative emotions I start painting or I go to the gym where I swim. Or I’ll put on some music and dance or go out walking with my dog. Sometimes they are very strong and don’t pass right away. But somehow I try to get them out of me and turn them into something beautiful. I have saved many children from adult violence. But no one saved me when I was a child and I was abused. Art has made me a living existence. But I died when I was 4. And I died because of a pedophile man.


Animals are sincere and true. They just follow instinct and are truly special. A dog is truly the best friend and knows how to give selfless love. We should learn from cats and dogs but also from sparrows and squirrels. And above all respect them and do not lock them in cages and do not use them in circuses. I lost 2 dogs that are now always in my heart and for me they were my brothers and I loved them with all of myself. I was in terrible pain when they died and I will never forget them. I tell you to go to the kennels and get a dog and you will be happier and you will have someone who will really love you.


My mother told me that art and culture were important. But they were other times. It was my past, days when I did not yet know the reality of things. Then I left Italy to go to London and I knew the reality and for me it was devastating. I have burned and destroyed many works. Creativity has kept me away from the world and has not allowed me to come to the world prepared. I still don’t know all the rules of reality. For this reason I have no friends and I have a life that I don’t like. I would have preferred to have a normal life than to suffer a lot and create all the artistic things that are considered useless. Because art is now dead. If you don’t make money you are not important. This is reality and I discovered it too late.


I don’t know if things have changed over time but here in my area there is not even the shadow of punk or rock or metal. I met many musicians years ago when I moved here and I had the idea of ​​starting an alternative band. Not only were the musicians very closed-minded (they offered me duets in a funky or soul or blues genre) but, being a girl, they didn’t even take me seriously. When I told of having contact with people from the musical environment they thought I was joking. In short, in the end I had to settle for two amateurs with whom to spend some time waiting to go back to London. The only decent convert a few years ago was that of the Punkreas. Then there was nothing. Not only are they not sociable here but girls only think one thing. They told me about Pordenone as the only place where there are metal bands. I had registered in a forum but even there the proposals were always “non-musical” but of another type. Honestly it was a total disappointment because for a woman like me who growls and does not sing songs it bothered me to see certain attitudes. Also I was sad to have to tell my contacts that I had trouble starting a band because they only consider women for one purpose here. It was really disheartening. Furthermore, most of the musicians, professional or not, have no ambition other than to make money in some clubs. So in the end I gave up on the project I had, waiting to go elsewhere abroad. Why does a woman always find it difficult to be taken seriously?


You get irritated, you rant sometimes, you often get stuck and give up … and you usually end up talking terribly about it. All this depends only on the fact that you have not had the patience to observe or study the system carefully and understand how it really works … Only very few of us read carefully and follow the instruction booklet before turning on a new appliance or observing the precautions highly recommended … Have we almost all lost the ability to wait and are unaccustomed to preparing ourselves properly, to the “sacrifice” that is necessary to obtain the “maximum benefit” or result? You force yourself to shut up because he can get angry. He can hurt you. You force yourself to always shut up because today or tomorrow you don’t know what mood he can have. You are always trying to understand. It is you who erase your tears to pretend nothing has happened, to npn sadden your children. He can get angry, let off steam, rant, but you can’t. You must always shut up.

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