EMOTIONAL CHAOS

1. Never repress your emotions just because they make you feel guilty or think they are wrong. No emotion is wrong and if we feel it in us there is always a reason and the more we try to justify it rationally or avoid them we only do damage to ourselves because repression makes them come back to the surface and transform them into fears. Always be open to yourself, listen to yourself and always look inside yourself to understand if you are okay and don’t pretend yes when it is not so because you only hurt yourself and you will never be able to really know yourself. Love each other so much that you don’t feel guilty for trying certain things because we are human and we are not automatons. We are imperfect and it is so beautiful, we can make mistakes a lot of times and fix it anyway because there is no standard concept of perfection, it is only in our mind and often it will be for what we will feel wrong, but know that it is not so. It’s okay if you feel that way now and it’s okay to stop for a moment when you feel you are about to burst, try not to make it too late. Take your time and listen to yourself, do what you really want and leave everything else alone for a moment and you will see that your day will completely change.

I am not made for goodbye, for tight hugs, for thanks for everything, for promises made on the doorstep of the house or at the station, for gifts, given as a token, for languid looks. I’m not made for emotionally strong experiences. Better to do with me as you do with pets, which do not have the conception of the passage of time, better tell me: see you later, even if one will come back after months, or after a day or never come back.

It is in mornings like these, slow, full of thoughts, doubts and worries, while that light breeze blows, whipping the heat of the night just passed among a thousand torments, that you realize how much life for you has always been a whirlwind of disparate emotions, so many never have the time to elaborate them fully, dragging them along like a useless ballast. I will be too emotional, I will live too intensely what happens to me, I will also take too much to heart the problems of others putting them before mine, but I still firmly and despite everything believe that this is me, and I am fine with it. Of course, it would be good not to have gastritis nervosa, but that’s another story.

Sometimes being emotional is something totally negative for us. Think about when you love so much, that emotionality comes to cover everything, inducing us to think that your story has a continuity, that it can go on even if the person we love no longer reciprocates our feeling. On the contrary, it is something totally positive. When you feel like you’re dying for a kiss. When you take his hands and smile feeling your heart beat like never before. When you make love and feel a thousand emotions follow each other. When you get excited in front of a good book. When you get attached to a character, when you recognize yourself in it. As in everything there are positive and negative aspects, but what would we be without feelings?

I’m afraid of falling in love. To go back to feeling everything for someone who probably won’t feel anything for me. I’m afraid of taking risks, of putting my heart on the line once again. I’m afraid of turning these smiles into tears, I’m afraid of becoming attached to them and then being abandoned. I’m afraid of what I feel. Of that involuntary smile when I look at you, or of the most total confusion when I sink into your blue eyes. I’m afraid of falling in love again and at the same time I have a craving crowd. The desire that keeps me awake at night thinking of you, that desire to kiss you every smile and to be with you every second. I am afraid of when I am out and I look for you. I am afraid when I do everything to see you. I’m afraid when I look at you. I’m afraid, because I know I’m about to fall in love.