FAMILY DISASTER

Not everyone is lucky enough to be born in dream families, to grow loved as fairy tales, there are painful bonds like intercostal twinges, unknown faces who live only to hinder you in suffocating you with indifference, they are the monsters under that bed, they terrify laughter. tunnel of horrors and before letting go make sure you have traumatized that you can’t forget them even when you are away.
One day in June 2 years ago you were wearing a long and light dress, blue leaves danced on it. At the airport you were the most beautiful, tragic like loneliness and bright like grace. In the midst of everyone, you kept silent, covered by dark glasses. Hugging me before boarding, in my ear you hinted at a magic that I would see happening around me, increasingly clear. I didn’t understand. Prophecies always hide, protected by simple words, spoken without a place and out of time. For a long time they exist unseen, like the divine. And when they emerge, they are among the white sheets of a hospital, in the soft light of a lamp in the living room or are the leaves of your dress. As they whirl in the air, they reveal the intangible weight of truth. You have disseminated my life with words, spells that I have miraculously preserved, beyond the pain, beyond the absence. Every now and then, one of them takes shape and breaks through, bringing you back here. And I find you alive in me and in all things around. And I understand that the magic you were talking about is you, my magic comes from you. And it floats, never settling down.
I think I dreamed of some kind of what if last night, I dreamed that my maternal grandmother had been dead for some time and my grandfather was left alone. I called him to worry he was fine, went shopping, ate and all the essentials. One day he told me he had a bad foot then I asked some of my relatives on my father’s side (even in dreams and in what if I eliminated relatives on my mother’s side) if he could do the shopping on his behalf and with difficulty they seemed to be able to organize. Then the next morning I call for info but the grandfather doesn’t answer the phone and I fidget until I see him in the middle of the road that greets me (in this dream I don’t have any geographical or temporal coordinates, I don’t know where we are, how far we are , if I still live with my parents or already with Luca, he is in his grace phase, he is fully dressed in a shirt and jacket as when he was getting ready to drink coffee at the central bar of the village, he also has a flat cap which, however, I take off because it’s hot. We hug each other, I tell him that I love him so much, he smiles and replies that he too wants me a lot and calls me “my darling” giving me a pinch on the cheek.
I am so afraid of the dark From an early age, I was afraid a ghost would pop up under the bed I was afraid of that spider that would appear at night and that punctually in the dark, with myopia I did not see I’ve always been afraid of the dark To fall into the void, to close your eyes and feel the total emptiness around you It has always terrified me I compare this fear of mine to loneliness I think it’s more or less the same thing The fear of the new, in undertaking something of which one does not know risks and privileges for the fear of risks And then you see the darkness around and you are afraid Only that in solitude you have fear because you are afraid that at the end of all that darkness there is no one to shake your hand or you are even afraid of how far you will have to travel in the dark before even seeing the end and then stay still. Stop terrified of fear. I wished I had a mother to keep me company there in the dark and chase away all the ghosts of my childhood.

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