A DIFFERENT MIND

There are changes over time that make you think, make you look up and the desire to move forward with all your strength. Many times it is not easy, indeed, it is complex to look forward despite the pain that one carries in the heart, but life is a passing of time, and it is precious, so you have to love yourself completely, unconditionally, because it is right that it is so. To anyone who has a pain that leads him to stand up with his head held high, I congratulate you because it is not easy to face everything alone, especially when it is a pain that goes beyond all limits. We are all fragile souls, but there are those who manage to do all this with an inner strength that is to be envied. Never let your guard down, even the sunsets end every evening but they are a spectacle of nature. It is necessary to shine with one’s own light and this is the only way to find oneself.
She was weird, or maybe she was just different from other people. She was one of those people who didn’t speak, who tried to be close to everyone, but not to herself. Who helped everyone but did not allow himself to ask for help and no one ever understood why. Inside her there was everything, anger, hatred, love, sadness, relief, thoughts, words, melodies, the sea, the ocean, the spring sky, poetry, happiness, he had everything, but no one could see him. It was an unexploded volcano, inside it had everything, inside it had the universe but nobody knew it …
This period, this moment, is so difficult, I find myself in a situation that by now I know well, all too well, this sickening apathy, this gray that makes your head break, this desire to cry for no reason, this littleness, this feeling like this. insignificant. Yet now it’s different, or it should, now I know how to get up, a shower, friends, a bit of entertainment, and nothing goes by but at least I pay less attention to it. Instead, here I am wanting to hopelessly throw myself on the bed and do nothing else, drown myself in a sleep that numbs my thoughts, canceling everything until it passes. Ignoring who I wouldn’t want to ignore. Struggling with myself between what I know to be rational and what I would like. Wondering once again if I can do it, knowing the answer is yes but thinking it is no. Want to mess up. The worst part? Having to hold me back. Being forced not to isolate myself, having to keep myself up because I’m not physically alone, I can’t make it clear that I’m down. Worse still? Knowing they are just complaining. The knowledge that I should kiss my elbows, that there are people who are dying every day, by the thousands, alone, that there are people who are doing endless shifts feeling helpless. Then the future, this huge messed up nothing, that can’t take a shape anywhere, in any way, the many possibilities in which not even one seems to be the right piece of the puzzle, which I keep turning and turning, trying to fit it everywhere. , to no avail, to the point that I will probably pick one at random and break it in an attempt to match it with something that has nothing to do with its half, with the suitable continuum. The question always remains the same, why can’t I be different? Why do I always have to get complicated?

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