LAKE SHORE DROWNING

I like people who have a full life because they choose you to put you on top of everything, not to plug a hole. The subtle condemnation of alienating anyone, being permanently closed in one’s castles, not trying to help those I know near, not showing the love one feels for a person. Being cold is this, trying a thousand things inside, not wanting to externalize even one. Many people are so closed, unreachable, unpleasant. It’s like hitting a wall and being revived by yourself. I have never denied my past, the experiences made, the wrong relationships, it will be why it burns me so much that he has canceled everything that connected him to me and these months together, as if what we had had never existed , as if I never existed. If forgetting me is as easy as deleting a handful of photos then I’m worth nothing, everything I’ve given of myself, what I’ve changed and tried to improve, everything I am is worth less than zero. And I miss him, pathologically, after what he has done and continues to do, I miss him and I wonder if he too misses me, but I know that I am like those deleted photos, I no longer exist.

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