STORY OF A DEATH NOTE

It is amazing how the inner state can change our attitude towards life events, other grains cross the hourglass, what is missing from today’s story “no sex tonight”. Two events that I have not described, one irrelevant if not in the emotional dynamics experienced, the other internalized and added to that sense of anger towards a life that is generous and stingy at the same time. Here is the morning good morning lived in such an indifferent way as to be passed and immediately set aside in the heap of irrelevant and automated everyday life. I leave the house and get in the car I start the engine and start running, I look up and stop, neither I nor my partner have noticed that the rear window has a large central hole, around it still holds a very dense web of falling squares . Not a word but above all no immediate emotion or anything else during the day, so much so that after having properly considered the best solution, I immediately forgot the event, as the most natural thing in the world. The desire for growth is internalizing that certain losses, those that you cannot change, must be taken into account and accepted as natural, the difference between authority and authority also lies in the way of living defeats. Basically it is the state of mind, the attitude we have in living what happens, that gives the imprint to our life. I stop the car, get out and check; a brief, absolutely aseptic thought, “today luck kissed me, making sure that the glass vandal who has been hitting the area for some time got away with it, except him, except me”, I am unnaturally devoid of anger and I can’t just to imagine what my reaction would have been in the presence of the event. I sense that for someone, or for myself at another time, the episode could have represented the emotional engine of the day and perhaps even for an even longer period. I reflect on how emotions change and the importance we give to things based on circumstances. I drop some glass, go up and head to the station, first I think I will have the glass replaced, but then I reflect that I spend less and I am safer to change the entire tailgate, since it is also dented, so I arrange, I call my friend the coachbuilder and then absolute oblivion. Late afternoon the episode re-emerges only thanks to a phone call from my friend, who asks me to join him in the workshop. At 7 pm I am there, my partner has brought the car to him and the tailgate has already been replaced with another used one in good condition of the same color. Everything has a price, especially stability, a few coins that make the difference. Let’s go to the bar, have a drink and I find out about mutual acquaintances. The guy from the nearby shop, that handsome guy all muscles and gym, beautiful cars, women and a beautiful smile is gone, a fulminating tumor took him away, leaving his mother in despair that makes stupid, he went on to to open the gates of heaven for us, is the second news of this kind that I hear during the day, it is too much, this disease is destroying us, now yes I am pissed and angry, I look down in silence, a fire blazes, if I could break the ass to life punching her to exhaustion, she is stronger but I never give up, the only surrender will be death, but she has to come and take me with a strong will. The day I die, her apparent victory will force her to stay still, while I will have reached an obligatory goal with the “victory” of those who lean towards the extremes. Thank you Vita and fuck you life, it is I who capture you, ups and downs, joy and pains exaltation and depression but inside there is always the thin speck, the difference that gives you the push to go further and overcome to see what there is it is still not to lose anything of what is ours, good and bad, until the inevitable end.