I would just like to leave, stop breathing an air that will never do me good. I would like to change something or maybe I would like to change everything. I would like to go far away where the air smells fresh, where the birds sing and the children laugh. But no, here I am, stuck in a place where the air smells of pain, where the birds have stopped smiling and where children cry. Where people hang around, stroll, chat. Where there are a thousand places to choose from to spend a weekend. I would like to leave for a change of scenery, to find out what it feels like to breathe an air full of life, an air that is not this gray silence but where everything is in color. Instead I’m here, stop in this place. Where everything is either black or white. No way out, no loophole. I’m alone here, stuck in a place where every problem, every tear, every sadness is mine. I would like to leave, disappear, maybe one day I will succeed but not now. “
Letting a person go isn’t always bad, because it’s better than keeping them. Most of the times I have always been satisfied with the simple fear of being alone, in a sense of abandonment, when in reality I was already … The more he went on, the more there were too many situations that didn’t go down well with me, that I felt used, teased and hurt. They say that love is blind, and this thing is fucking true because often, we force ourselves not to see many things, of which we are aware but the constant fear makes them overshadow. Awareness is that voice that keeps telling us the hard truth, which is that no matter how much we care about a person, that person doesn’t always return our affection sufficiently. In this generation, sweet words are no longer enough to make people understand how much a person cares, above all facts are needed. There are endless ways to show love, that that person seriously cares about you. And who does not deserve to be in our life … wants to say that then it is better to let it go. And especially if you no longer love a person, let them go too …. because it is useless to deceive a person for feelings that are no longer present.
Maybe I always imagined that sooner or later everything would change, indeed that I would change, that I would see things from another perspective, but maybe it didn’t happen quite like that. Even now, if they ask me how I am at this moment, I say that I am fine, because that is what I now have to say out of habit. I say that I am fine because it is simpler, otherwise I should begin to explain the thousand reasons why I hate life, hate certain people to whom I have loved the soul but who in one way or another have abandoned me in moments more difficult. It would be difficult to explain the billions of things that I find wrong with me, because there are just too many. I’ve always dreamed a bit about what my true happiness would be like, how I would feel, but I don’t know yet, because I haven’t tried it yet. I would just like for a moment to forget everything and say that I am really fine, that I am happy here on this world because it is the place that belongs to me, but it is not like that. People don’t understand when you say you want to go away, away, disappear forever, they don’t understand why, but if they entered my body and mind for a moment, they would immediately understand the reason for my need, my need to disappear, like this, at any moment, for too much bullshit done, for the moments when I feel wrong, for the moments when the only thing for me to do would be to say enough and give up everything, because it would be complicated find the strength needed to face the thousand problems. Many do not understand the reason for my reasons and my affirmations, but when you hate your body, your mind, your actions, your thoughts, the gestures made, the important people lost, the only possible and simple way to me would be to take and go away, away from everyone, in a new world or maybe put a stop and close the doors of life.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. TMJ
    Sep 06, 2021 @ 22:32:46

    Hang in there!!


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