ME AND MYSELF

One thing that I often do and that I love to do is think back to the past. I know, on the one hand, that it’s wrong and that I should probably just be thinking about the present moment and trying to do something about the future, but I can’t. I like to see how things change and how I adapt to them too. In the last year, above all, I don’t think there has been a single person who has remained the same. It is nice to compare the old me with the new one and the reactions I would have had in a given situation totally change; Little remains of that person and one feels a little freer and slightly lost. I did things I swore to myself not to do and fell deeper than I thought I was going, only to feel better than I ever was and more aware of change, which is so hard to accept.
Sometimes I wonder what version of myself I will be, after what we are going through in this historical period. There are friends I haven’t seen for several months, people I have found not to be fundamental and others I actually miss. I have the feeling that I have embarked on a sort of path that does not involve major personal upheavals but some changes yes. And every change is frightening, uneasy, it raises questions that you don’t always want to answer. I have an idea of ​​who and what I am, but I don’t know what I will be or how this pandemic and the necessary social distancing to counter it will change my way of relating to others. I who know how to get used to, who can boast a fair talent in adapting to survive, I who have learned to do without things and people that were an integral part of my pre-pandemic life, how I will go back to the normalcy we had and that (hopefully) someday soon we’ll have it again? This is one of those moments that act as a watershed, which mark a boundary between the before and the after. And it’s the difference between the two sides that scares me.

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