I thank you for your closeness and your support. I believe that our freedom will never go back to the way it was before and that now we are the only ones left who know what it is. I see people very happy to be slaves. I see that everyone watches TV and believes in the mass media, they are manipulated and diverted. The dark mind is now mush. I am very sad and in the past I was an artist but now I am dying. I had an art blog with my paintings, I didn’t sell anything, I gave them away. I said that if nobody wanted them I would burn them. I have no real friends here, I didn’t know who to give them to. I wanted to leave them on the street but there was the covid and they would have thrown them away. I said I was missing, that I would burn them, and nobody told me anything. Nobody cared about what I created. I studied art in London, I refused recommendations, I refused a career. I regretted it. One day I wrote to a psychologist who had an association, I told him: “I give you my paintings, they are 50, you sell them and use the money for sick children”. Do you know what he answered me? “You are not famous, you do not get anything out of your paintings.” I regret having rejected my career. And so I burned all my paintings. My artistic blog no longer exists and there are few paintings left in my attic, eaten by mice.
I had a blog with 3000 followers. I said very interesting and important things but people weren't there. There were a lot of them but none of them spoke. I was really disappointed. I wrote very important things but somehow there was no dialogue between them and me. This made me very sad and one day I deleted everything, I deleted the entire blog. These 3,000 people got lost. I don't know if they still exist, I don't know if they looked for me, because I also changed my nickname because I wanted to close with the past, I wanted a new page in my life. But I believe that past has remained and always remains glued to me like a dark shadow.
I was very sorry to close that blog but maybe people didn't expect a woman to talk about certain things. I didn't talk about nails and I didn't talk about actors, not even about cooking, or about many other subjects that women love. I don't regret what I did but a piece of my life has been lost, destroyed, erased.


17 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. citizenbce
    Oct 08, 2021 @ 17:31:33

    I can identify with your frustration. Many of the greatest artists and writers in history were not well known in their lifetime, but somehow the impact of their works live on in the hearts and minds of those who saw them.

    If you ever feel that way again, instead of destroying something you worked so hard towards, why not walk away from it for a while? Let your blog live on in cyber space for a future being to stumble upon. Leave your artwork near a public library box, for some other soul to find.


    • Fairy Queen
      Oct 08, 2021 @ 18:16:27

      I wanted to donate all my paintings to an association for autistic children some time ago, but a psucologist who ran the association told me I was not famous.
      Well, I studied art in London, I worked with people like Martha Graham, Pina Baush, Marina Abramovic, and many others. I did installations, sets, sculptures. I lived in London for many years, from 18 onwards, but after that my mother got sick and I had to leave everything and go back to Italy. Then the panic attacks and other health problems started and it made my life difficult. I have always given my works to everyone and I worked hard, despite having parents who could pay me everything. But I’ve always been independent. This blog I have now is for expressing myself only. To feel in company. Because I live in a small town and life here is too sad. I thank you for your advice and thank you for talking to me. I rarely talk about my past and you are lucky to have heard these things from me.


  2. saymber
    Oct 08, 2021 @ 17:55:06

    I understand your pain about your paintings and that blog. I try to remember why I started my blog in the first place- an outlet for me, a therapy tool. Write/blog for yourself first and then rest will follow.


    • Fairy Queen
      Oct 08, 2021 @ 18:04:09

      I had started my blog years ago to show the little things I created and that’s it. I didn’t write anything. Then later I started writing poetry and putting my art on it. They even offered me to make money with my blog but I always refused. Even from my published books, I have 5 publishers and 10 published books, I never wanted anything. I have never created anything to make money. Now this blog exists because, due to the covid and my health, I could not move abroad otherwise I would not be here anymore. I studied art in London, I threw my career away because my mother got sick and I returned to Italy.


      • saymber
        Oct 08, 2021 @ 18:16:24

        My blog has been going for awhile but I lost confidence in it and deleted almost all my blogs. I was doing art and stuff too. I am trying to remember to write for myself first. Hopefully it will resonate with at least one other person! I like your blog .

      • Fairy Queen
        Oct 08, 2021 @ 18:31:19

        I’m sorry you deleted your blogs too. I am Italian and Italy is the cradle of art but here I have never had any consideration from my peers. I don’t get along well with people who only believe in money. Unfortunately, art is considered by all to be a surplus, something not useful for life. I have other things in my life, fortunately, and not just the blog. So I just keep it as a personal outlet. But, as an artist, I’m sorry to see that art is always forgotten.

      • Fairy Queen
        Oct 08, 2021 @ 18:34:59

        For example Cattelan is from my area and is famous all over the world. There are many differences between the artists. I have no envy of anyone, also because I am no longer an artist but I am a writer, but it was bad not to have all the chances that many artists have now. When I was making art, social media didn’t exist and therefore everything was more difficult. Then I was unlucky because I have always rejected recommendations or sex to make a career.

  3. Geoff Stamper
    Oct 08, 2021 @ 18:28:00

    The Universe is unfolding as it should. Burning and deleting too early can be a great loss for more than you.


    • Fairy Queen
      Oct 08, 2021 @ 22:49:46

      I fight every day against my art because my art was born of pain, it was born of abuse, when I was 4 years old. Every time I create art I let that pain out and for me it is not a beautiful thing but something that destroys me because I always relive those ugly things inside of me. For this reason I sometimes burn everything, I wish it was a kind of purification from that abuse, but it never works, after that nothing happens, I’m the same again.


  4. cattalespress
    Oct 09, 2021 @ 02:42:54

    You simply amaze me. Your honesty, vulnerability and your ability to be authentic. Oh, most of all, you are brave. Very, very brave, and you help me get through the dark days, because you are so real and beautiful. 🤍


  5. giacomoasinello
    Oct 09, 2021 @ 17:48:44

    There are many blogs I follow but don’t comment on. Not because I don’t appreciate them. Sometimes I am very moved by what people write but feel I just cannot add anything worthwhile. You really are a gifted writer. Keep going!


  6. Mother Wintermoon
    Oct 09, 2021 @ 19:33:37

    Sorry to hear. I’d love to see some of your artwork posted here. 🙏


    • Fairy Queen
      Oct 09, 2021 @ 23:19:36

      I don’t know if I’ll put them here. I have kept some paintings in my attic, under kilos of boxes, so at least I won’t be able to find and burn them. The drawings and sketches are in a plastic case with a lock and I have lost the key. Maybe there are some chalk and wax drawings somewhere. But I don’t know where anymore because now I’m packing everything to get away from here after this winter. I’ve had enough of this place.


  7. vermavkv
    Jun 11, 2022 @ 10:53:01

    Don’t be disappointed with such incidence..Do your work for self satisfaction..


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