Dream big, they say, aim for the stars. And then they lock us up for 12 years and tell us where to sit, when to pee and what to think. Then we turn eighteen and without ever having our thoughts, we have to make the most important decision of our life.
I always look for the sun beyond the clouds. I give smiles because I don’t know how to stay angry for too long. I have large and transparent eyes where my emotions are easily read. I learned to resist even when I was the only one who believed it. I can’t help but be there, I always put all of myself into it. I’m not one who gives up, I fall and stumble but I always get up. As a child I wanted to be a princess but life taught me to fight and I became a warrior. I wear armor and hide all my fears. I keep dreaming, chasing shooting stars, making wishes. Because I have a heart of sugar and marzipan, of stars and candies, a heart that is perhaps too delicate but, after all, giving love is never wrong. I’m just trying to be all the best I can, even if it’s hard sometimes because I never feel enough. I who love too much, with an overflowing love. I who always believe in love, even when it hurts.
It is difficult to stay close to me, I am demanding. I have a contagious laugh and an irrepressible cry, my eyes are full of stars and my drawers are full of dreams, I have scars in my soul and spring in my heart. If I get hurt I break into a thousand pieces and yet I know how to be strong because if I fall I get up on my own. I am always ready to stumble over some mistakes and to collect mistakes. But I prefer to hurt myself rather than hurt those I love. I am insecure, moody, indomitable. I need attention, hugs and caresses. I am made of sun and clouds, of tears and smiles. I am melancholy, restless, impetuous, overwhelming. I often take refuge in my dreams and my silences. Sometimes I feel like running away but in the end I stay. I always stay. Because those like me when they love have no brakes, no barriers, no limits. Those like me are made of heart and soul. Those like me if they love they stay, they don’t run away. Even when love hurts, even when wounds hurt, even when tears fill the eyes, even when bruises on the heart take your breath away.
I have had so many difficult moments in my life, black moments where I forgot even the existence of colors. I hit rock bottom, I went down into the abyss. I’ve been sick, a lot. But then I got stronger, got up and threw everything behind me. Step by step I started walking again, sometimes in the rain, sometimes with skinned knees, yet I made it. All the strength I need is within me, I just have to remember to look for the rainbow. I want to color my soul and find a smile again because a woman never gives up and always finds the courage to look forward and start over. I went through storms learning to swim on my own, I didn’t give up and again saw the sun’s rays behind the clouds and bright stars illuminating the night. I still carry within me that shy and insecure little girl of many years ago but now I have become stronger and I have learned that everything in life passes, sooner or later. And you can always start over, just believe it, just want to, just don’t give up.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Giannis Pit
    Jan 06, 2022 @ 10:59:29

    Full of beautiful things and thoughts this post today. Have a nice day Fairy Queen.


    • Fairy Queen
      Jan 07, 2022 @ 15:03:29

      You are always a sweet voice that comes to me. Thank you for being here. I am very scared these days. They can destroy my life just because I’m sick and I can’t get this vaccine. The government doesn’t care if you’re sick, they have to force it. I am a prisoner of an absurd war. The government is waging an absurd war on the unvaccinated. I hope you are well and live in a more civilized and respectful of human rights.


  2. Ashley
    Jan 06, 2022 @ 14:48:39

    My day begins with tea 🙏


    • Fairy Queen
      Jan 07, 2022 @ 14:49:30

      I used to drink 4-5 cups of tea every day, when I was at university. It was useful to study but now I only drink decaffeinated tea because I’m not fine with the heart. For Breakfast I use to drink only fruit juice.


    • Fairy Queen
      Jan 07, 2022 @ 14:52:20

      I am not very hungry in the morning. Then I can’t eat milk or tea because they cause me reflux. I can’t eat sweets and even bread. Sometimes I make cereal paneai and soon a few slices and put in some jam. I love lemon custard but now I can’t eat it anymore. So limit me to peach or blueberry jam. I drank a lot of jasmine tea and also earl gray. Then I discovered the fruit Roibos.


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