And then there are days when you can’t keep your thoughts at bay, the most hidden, the deepest and the worst. They go out like this, suddenly, when you least expect it, maybe while you are singing a song in the car at the top of your lungs with your friends, while you walk, study, drive, while you kiss your boyfriend, they can go out like this, without warning, wake up or reminder to hold and take your head and heart hostage indefinitely. And you are there, helpless, you let yourself be enveloped by these paranoia and you bind yourself to them as if they were certainties. They don’t make you sleep, they don’t make you eat or they make you overeat, they make you feel blame for who you are and what you are not. And you stay there, you listen to them like a mantra that repeats itself in a loop in your head. After all, you cannot escape from yourself.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Obong eno
    Jun 23, 2022 @ 20:50:10

    Beautiful words and image ❤️


  2. seekingdivineperspective
    Jun 23, 2022 @ 21:27:09

    That’s a nightmare, isn’t it? I’ve found my help in doing what the Bible says – “… be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2) Renewing my mind starts with offering my mind to my Savior and asking Him to remove the unholy and depraved, the untrue and deceiving, the unimportant and distracting, and the unnecessarily negative and disturbing, distressing, depressing and dark. The I ask Him to fill my mind with what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. (Philippians 4:8) When I focus on Jesus, my mind usually doesn’t have room for the dark, depressing, etc. Hope this helps. What you describe makes great writing, but the experience itself sucks. 😕


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