My advice for everyone going into next year is this: make an effort to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I cannot count the number of times – both online and off – I have seen people beyond furious with one another, learned the situation, and realized the entire thing stemmed from a misunderstanding that could’ve easily been dealt with if one person had decided not to assume the worst of the other.

It’s exhausting to exist as a member of a minority group sometimes. I know that. There are so many people who hate you simply for existing and whose words are intended to hurt you.

But they aren’t, I think, the majority.

Take the time to ask yourself– is it possible that this person meant something other than my initial impression of what they said? Is this person discriminating against me, or did they simply word it in a way that isn’t clicking? Is this disagreement stemming from an irreparable rift in moral values, or is this something we can agree to disagree on? Is this person being cruel, or am i expecting them to know something they’ve never had an opportunity to be taught?

You are not obligated to act as anyone’s teacher in life. maybe you don’t have the energy to take the risk of finding out whether someone is being cruel or not. you are entitled to your anger even if the other party meant no harm, but consider whether there’s a more productive way to channel your hurt.

What impact do you want to leave on the world? on other people? is there a way you can respond to a hurtful remark that takes care of your own wellbeing without harming someone who may not have meant to harm you?

I hope we can all work together to make this upcoming year a kinder one. i think we could all use a bit more of that.

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. For the Love of God, We are all God's Breath
    Jan 05, 2023 @ 15:15:20

    If two people are communicating with words most times these things work out. It is when we as people assume something about the other due to the lack of communication. That is simply in my opinion the problem.


  2. magickmermaid
    Jan 05, 2023 @ 21:29:58

    I agree!


  3. leendadll
    Jan 05, 2023 @ 22:40:10

    Particulary when things are written, if they upset me I’ll ask the sender for more info before reacting. We all read with our own intentions/inflections.

    I’ve had people FREAK on me over words like “jealous” (learned it had a meaning I never conceptualized, let alone meant – so I now use envy.. or totally different sentences). Ditto for “hedonist”… I had to explain that it’s the pursuit of pleasure, not carnal pleasure at any cost; and that I don’t find “home wrecking” to be pleasurable.


  4. Conny Lundberg
    Jan 06, 2023 @ 09:52:30

    Reblogged this on Life, Death and all between.


  5. Conny Lundberg
    Jan 06, 2023 @ 09:57:01

    The most difficult communication is taking place when communicating over long distance without knowing the other person. Care should be taken to chose the right words to not upset someone else to no avail but instead maybe create a friend.


  6. Giannis Pit
    Jan 06, 2023 @ 16:30:44

    I hold your wishes and your thoughts, dear friend. Happy new year.


  7. Eric
    Jan 17, 2023 @ 08:23:10

    Reblogged this on Calculus of Decay .


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