I WAS AN ABUSED CHILD AND NOBODY SAVED ME

I was an abused child, from 4 years of age a man molested and sexually abused me. I have been in therapy for 3 years, My psychologist was also a hypnotist but he could not hypnotize me because I risked an inner collapse, because I have no memory of who that man was, my mind has repressed the memory, and certainly he was a family person. And that revelation could have destroyed me. I’m not well, I also had breathing problems due to deformation of my diaphragm, because he was on top of me and crushed me. Nonetheless, I tried to have a normal life, even if no one had understood, from my drawings at school, that there was a monster in my life. I also had terrible nightmares and panic attacks, which are now rarer. Also after the abuse I no longer ate and they thought it was a disease and they gave me vitamins. No one ever understood why I could no longer put anything in my mouth. However, the years have passed and I have problems with anxiety, asthma, heart, physical pain, and many other problems that are the consequence of that abuse. Unfortunately I will never be able to have justice because many relatives have died and I don’t know which of them could have been. Therefore I continue my life in this world which is getting worse and worse.
PLEASE IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN, ALWAYS CHECK THEIR DRAWINGS. IF YOU SEE SOMETHING STRANGE, CONTACT A PSYCHOLOGIST AND LET THEM SEE. YOU COULD SAVE A BABY OR A LITTLE GIRL FROM A PEDOPHILE.

HEART IN DARKNESS

Conrad. The good heart of Tenebra. How I loved Lord Jim !!! It was a happy time in my life. The only one. So, I can tell you that many words are beautiful but then it’s not that easy to find happiness. Especially if at 4 you found yourself a man who pushed one knee to your chest to rape you. Continued abuse for years has devastating consequences for a child. I have not eaten since 4 years. I ended up with injections and infusions. I no longer opened my mouth. Nobody understood what had happened to me. Then I unlocked thanks to my paternal grandmother and a hen, who became fond of me and made me understand that not all beings on this earth do harm. So as you can see I’m still alive and I owe this to the art that saved me by allowing me to express the immense anger and pain I had inside of me. I survived but at what price? I would have preferred that he had killed me because carrying death within him is even worse, you know. You often feel desperate. You fall into bad hands again. You get up and fall back and suffer. Until one day your father dies and you look in the mirror and suddenly you see your evil twin living violently. And so you become the executioner. But that doesn’t make you feel good either. Neither love nor pain can defeat the death that man made you suck. And what do you do? Therapy is done. You try everything but nothing is needed. There’s always that monster growling inside me. And I scream but nobody hears me. Nobody saved me that day.

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