I had a panic attack on Friday. They hadn't come to visit me for a while, overbearing and unexpected.. and it showed.. but above all we heard everything! it was hard to handle, heavy to bear with the aftermath I've been dragging around all day. the tiredness that left me was disarming. And I'm not just referring to physics.
I took it "easy" by staying home for two days from work and now I have to go back.. a little scared, I admit it! what if it happens again? What if I didn't -again- have the strength to control it, and control myself?
I feel a considerable load of stress on me that I cannot relieve. I would like to turn off my brain for a while and escape responsibilities, duties. go back to breathing deeply, have clear ideas about who I am, how much I'm worth, what I want from life but I don't know where to start!
I need a moment of time..
Ultra-processed foods are processed foods that contain numerous ingredients including sugars and hydrogenated fats. Numerous studies have confirmed that their consumption increases the risk of cancer and neurodegenerative diseases.
The acronym UPF (ultra-processed food) indicates ultra-processed foods, i.e. all those foods that have undergone numerous industrial transformations and whose ingredients include, for example, added sugars, hydrogenated fats and additives such as thickeners and dyes . These include packaged snacks and ice creams, sugary and carbonated drinks, candies, industrial breads, instant soups, all products which for some can come to represent 25-50 percent of daily food consumption.
Ultra-Processed Foods Increase the Risk of Alzheimer's and Dementia As indicated by numerous studies, these are unhealthy foods for the body that increase the risk of cancer and cardiovascular diseases, but which also have negative effects on cognitive functions, contributing to their decline. Dr. Attilio Speciani, clinical immunologist and allergy specialist, talks about it on the pages of Eurosalus, citing a study published in Neurology, according to which a 10 percent increase in UPF intake increases the risk of Alzheimer's by 14 percent, 25 percent the risk of dementia and 28 percent the risk of vascular dementia, or cognitive impairment due to insufficient blood circulation in the brain. On the other hand, however, replacing just 10 percent of UPF foods with healthy, minimally processed foods results in a 19 percent reduction in dementia risk; by replacing 20 percent, the reduction rises to 38 percent, and so on.
Healthy foods can help you feel better and overcome anxiety, stress and physical ailments. In fact, many studies have shown that nutrition, in addition to feeding you, can be more effective than a drug. Therefore, eating healthy can help you prevent and treat many diseases but also promote your psycho-physical well-being.
Some foods can alleviate, and often resolve, small and large ailments that negatively affect your life (from insomnia to constipation). Furthermore, they make you feel more energetic and vital, they protect you from stress, tension and nervousness.
But, it is important that you choose the right foods and stay away from those that can have a harmful effect on your psychic and physical balance. Don't think of food as a medicine to be taken only when ailments appear, but start thinking of diet as a lifestyle to feel better in your body and mind.
Do you want to be happy? Fill up on fruits and vegetables!
Numerous studies have shown that fruit and vegetables are a real cure-all for the mood and win the primacy of healthy foods.
A research conducted on nearly 300 young people in their twenties by the New Zealand University of Otago has revealed its positive effects. Boys who ate more fruits and vegetables during the day reported feeling calmer, happier, and more energetic than usual.
Furthermore, a study by the University of Warwick confirmed this result. Thus, by observing the eating habits of 80,000 English people, the researchers discovered that those who consume fruit and vegetables every day feel more serene than others, even happy if they manage to eat seven servings a day.
This is because fruits and vegetables are rich in substances, such as folic acid (contained in spinach, asparagus and legumes).
Therefore, these substances help regulate levels of serotonin, the happiness hormone, helping you control emotions and keep your mood up. In fact, they also exert a calming power on the nervous system thanks to a slight sedative effect, such as the bromine in which grapes and clementines are rich.
It is difficult to explain a panic attack. It affects you in various ways, when you least expect it. Feel a hand tighten around your heart, and this accelerates, it would like to run away. The legs start shaking, you think the danger comes from outside but the epicenter is within you. You feel lack of air, you feel you die slowly and then in a hurry. All at once, like when you swallow a pill. This sense of oppression comes and goes. It is difficult to explain because it has so many nuances and everyone lives their own and new ones can be added every time. When fear comes, you don’t always have the courage to face it. It’s like dying, but the point is, it doesn’t, just hold on and survive. Your head starts spinning, you get dizzy, the room gets small yet incredibly deep. Everything seems deafening and dangerous. You close your eyes and the nausea moves inside you. You feel the weight of the sea on your chest and your heart is beating as fast as it can.
Evenings spent in front of a pizza with the sand between your feet and the roar of the sea. You played an ocher guitar, I with my head between your legs, I watched you sing. We waited for the sunrise to go home, so that time would not pass, so that the summer would not end. You asked me to dance for you, I loved dancing, but with your eyes looking at me even more. You told me that some summers are never forgotten. That certain nights by the sea are for a few. Go home at 6 on tiptoe so as not to make noise, with my hair that smelled of the sea with my skin that smelled of you. Falling asleep and realizing it wasn’t just a dream. Some summers don’t forget you were right. But sorry if I can’t remember your name anymore. The virtual communities that have replaced the natural ones, create only the illusion of intimacy and a fiction of community. They are no substitutes for sitting together at a table, looking at each other, having a real conversation. Nor are these virtual communities capable of giving substance to personal identity, the primary reason for seeking them. If anything, they make it more difficult than it already is to agree with oneself. People walk here and there with earphones talking loudly alone, like schizophrenics, paranoid, oblivious to what is around them. Introspection is an activity that is disappearing. More and more people, when they find themselves facing moments of loneliness in their car, on the street or at the supermarket checkout, instead of collecting their thoughts, check if there are messages on the mobile phone to have some shred of evidence that shows them that someone is somewhere. part, maybe he wants them or needs them.How can we say that you and I are not now somehow linked by a chat, albeit virtual, nonetheless real? How do we say that just because I can’t reach out and touch yours we are not real acquaintances anyway? How can we deny having known each other, perhaps in the depths, only because we could not meet our eyes. Yet physical contact is so important, despite the fact that there are so many people around who never touch. What is this contact of minds, brains and hearts? How it works, How could it ever matter who I am physically, what my voice is like or what my smell is like, if we never meet? I was brought up and raised in a certain way. They taught me what respect is, the value of words and feelings. They gave me the ability to listen and explained that it is my right to speak. They taught me what a heart and a sincere feeling is. That not everything is real and that not everything can be played with. I have carried these values, these principles and these teachings with me always! Growing up, however, I learned that it is not always possible to respect all this. I realized that I didn’t have to lose what I was taught, but that along with it I had to learn to respond and defend myself. To ignore the stupidity. To leave hypocrisy and lies to his way. I have learned that silence is often more sacred and cutting than many words and that sometimes there are words that cannot and must not be kept silent. I don’t care about the saying “Always do good and even where you receive evil turn the other cheek”! Not me, I protect the other cheek with all of myself if you step on my feet, if you hurt me and I lack respect. I have no interest in saying who I am and how much I am worth, the only interest I have is to live with these priorities… I prefer to show it instead of saying it. Words are short-lived, the facts remain, you always remember them and leave something of you, for better or for worse. I understood that the words of “people” often hurt, they hurt me too. Then I also realized that from the words of truth to the words of those who are only interested in destroying you, there is an essential difference, and that some words not only must not touch you, but must not even be heard. I understood that I have to take with me who matters and who is worth, but to leave to his path those who should not be part of my life. And from the moment they are no longer a part, everything they say and do does not have and will never have the slightest value or even the slightest attention on my part.
People go on, but I stay behind. Between the constant panic attacks, my thousand obsessions and paranoia, between my beliefs and my illusions, between my words and my thoughts, between traffic and horns, between graduates and workers, between being or not being, I stay behind, between the accelerated beats and those too slow. I am always, at least, one step behind, even if I pretend that I do not weigh it on me, even if I strive four times as much, something must always happen, even a tiny thing that slows me down, and it is difficult to pretend to feel good while I struggle continuously and obsessively to do something on time. I would like to reach things quickly, I feel so much pressure that I end up slowing down by myself, complicating things, but I don’t think it’s all my fault. I think part of the problem is in society that forces me to do anything in a set time, almost as if we were machines. The problem is that not all of us are perfect, indeed, some are even so slow that they find it difficult to breathe. Some are like me.
They talked to me too often about friendship, now I don’t even think it exists anymore. Before I was hoping for it, today I have resigned myself and it is a bad reality. You put in your soul, body, mental and physical health, blood and bones to get a lot of fucking nothing, not even respect, not even that anymore. And yes, having a friend is a beautiful thing, but I have no reach, I don’t know if it is because I have always put too much heart into it, but no one has ever done anything to have my friendship, then there is me who in three seconds I send fuck all for this. What deluded. Who are then called “friends” and are always ready to throw the first stone, to spit on respect and, above all, to believe they know me, when they stopped at the external facade. What a hypocrite he is who considers himself my friend, you only want to be friends with me when it suits you!
We are the stolen photos and the hugs that become synonymous with the word home. We are on Saturday nights staggered for drinks with friends that make us less embarrassed and the other six evenings of the weeks spent in front of a movie or a good book while sipping hot chocolate or tea. We are the four seasons in one, the loose sweatshirts that smell of freedom. We are the newspaper clippings attached to a notebook and the hippy van with which to travel the world. We are the fleeting moments in which happiness, smiles and tears reside. We are the I love you and I love you whispered in your ear, I miss you said with my eyes, I would like you thought and never uttered. We are the thousand books that fill every corner of our house, the poems that make us dream and the slips of paper with the thousand phrases written by our handwriting. We are dreamers desperate for happiness. We are the life that deserves to be lived.At my age, I still haven’t learned how to manage anxiety. In reality there are many things that I have not learned and that no one has explained to me. They teach us the equations, on the 5th of May by heart, the names of the seven kings of Rome, and no one clarifies us how to face fears, how to accept disappointments, where to find the courage to bear pain.And so it happens that those people who entered your life for the last time become the first in time of need, the first to listen to you and to worry if you really eat it you were friends for life. It happens that they amaze you and make you feel special with the smallest precautions. On the contrary, those you know live at any moment seem like they don’t know you at all. Do not sow if they notice what is most evident, or they simply will not see.And Coraline cries, Coraline has anxiety, Coraline wants the sea But he is afraid of water And maybe the sea is inside her. And every word is an ax, A cut on the back, Like a raft that sails In a raging river And maybe the river is inside her.
We love each other very much, it’s the only thing that comes to my mind because it doesn’t matter, it’s kept and played with them, it’s made in every way to ride! It doesn’t explain anything, I like you, you make me fucking good! I have never been so good with someone, I want to know you better, I want to see who you really are, I want to be able to hug you when I want without anyone talking about us, I want to be able to talk to you about everything, scratch you, kiss you a thousand Important to me, I want to be able to say hello as it should be with a nice kiss and not a simple hello when it happens, you are a fantastic person you have a world inside and I want to discover every corner of you, you and I are not friends, two who if we are guarded as guardians we will not be able just be friends, we will do everything possible, we will talk to them and we will not be with them .. I love my husband so much, and I love him so much, he alone with me. something that I don’t think I can manage, I’m afraid of suffering, of still being hurt and now of being sick another time I don’t want to, but I know one thing, you do me good yes you do me really good, please we let’s build something, beat these walls of fear and pride and become what we are not now.Anxiety is your mood that changes in a matter of minutes. Anxiety means uncontrollable tremors and spasms. Anxiety is tears, it is real and painful tears. Anxiety is nausea. Anxiety is paralyzing. Anxiety is dark. Anxiety is having to find one excuse after another for your behavior. Anxiety is fear. Anxiety is worry. Anxiety drains your body and your emotions. Anxiety is raw. Anxiety is real. Anxiety means arguing with your partner even though you are not angry. Anxiety is a jolt at every slightest annoyance. Anxiety is made up of flashbacks. Anxiety is an “What if …”. Anxiety is full of “What’s wrong?” and I do not know”.I had to understand that right away. When someone has a heart like mine, they end up dying before death itself. When someone has a heart like mine, the heart loses it, loses it in unspoken words, loses beats in sighs, loses itself as the tears flow and no one stops them. When someone has a heart like mine and gives it to someone, they never find themselves again.I looked at it as you look at something you already know we will miss. Too good to last, to be true, too good to become a habit. I looked at it as you look at the sea at the end of summer, when the days become even clearer and the sun shines in the sky. I just looked at you, and you smiled at me. Do not forget certain smiles, certain looks and certain words.Maybe one of us had to make a decision and maybe it was right that whoever was stronger among us made it. My psychologist once told me: “You can’t love the cause of your own destruction and your own suffering, it’s crazy!” I lost with you, but I won with myself.
A panic attack causes certain specific symptoms such as tachycardia and the feeling of having a heart attack, wheezing and cold sweats. When you try it for the first time and arrive in the emergency room, not knowing what is happening to you, doctors mislead the conversation by talking about stress as if the word panic were taboo. However, panic often comes with images, sometimes at the same time of the day and sometimes as a surprise. The attack of anguish is very different. It is as if a hole is opened in the diaphragm and this is about to absorb all the vital strenght. All you can do is lie down and wait for it to pass. There is no tachycardia and no images or sweats. Just the feeling that something inside you is about to be absorbed or poisoned. I describe this distinction because they are such profound personal experiences that after so many years I can distinguish them well. I have seen, reading many texts, that hardly anyone ever talks about images referring to states of anxiety. I do not know if research has been done in this regard but I have not found any feedback. Yet in me the attacks have always been preceded by images, blurred, but which were repeated every time.
My blog was born as an artistic space but nobody cares about art. I also had a blog with all my works but it didn’t matter to anyone. I also said that I would burn my paintings but no feminist or association said a word. I have no friend or I would have given them all as a gift, as I did some time ago. I never wanted to make money with my art. For me it was just a way to vent my pain. And also my paintings and all the things I did. Now I’m tired of creating useless things. Nobody cares about my life. I could be dead and no one would notice. People got bored with me. My German Shepherd puppy gives me more satisfaction than a lot of fake people. There was a user who wrote to me that “HUMAN GENDER IS GOING TOWARDS A POSITIVE EVOLUTION” So then he called me a pessimist. So apparently it is only I who now see the human disaster where it has come. Maybe everyone else is blind. So I take a step back and leave all this scum to their positive evolution and I step aside and think about my own business. It is not a defeat but every now and then you have to take a break. What I was doing was important to you, to me and to some haggard whore. For the rest, everyone was there to comment with monosyllables and smilies at the end. No dialogue. See, this is my trouble. I am sociable, still too sociable, and I expect to have a dialogue with people. But some believe me to be superb, pretentious, dominant. And all this because I had different life experiences from theirs. Then some when they know that I am not looking for money they almost consider it an affront. As if having money you can live well. On the other hand, they do not understand that inner well-being cannot be bought with money. I can have it all but I still don’t heal. My heart no longer exists. I live only for my son and my husband. Only for them. For me to exist or not to exist is the same. I don’t differentiate between life and death, they are just two different types of energy but the source is the same. I have lived with such strong emotions and even ecstasy you know, mystical ecstasy, seriously. And then? I have never used drugs, I have never taken anything, not even opiate drugs or psychiatric drugs. For my anxiety I use a simple tranquilizer, which I only lose if I have severe anxiety attacks. I have a very normal life: husband, son, dogs, cats, garden, swimming pool, vegetable garden, cellar, … I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. Never caught anything strange or poisonous. I have had friends who are alkist and sadistic artists as well as ordinary artists. My inspiration came only from my pain. My fantasy originated only from my pain. The pain of abuse lasts for a lifetime. I used my pain to do good to others. I am at peace with myself. I wanted to help other people but I couldn’t. If people want to listen to Chiara Ferragni’s advice, let them listen to her. People have the right to choose. I don’t want to save anyone anymore. What happens will happen. I had to stop in every sense. The pain resurfaced. There are bad dreams, bad things about my unconscious memories that come back to the surface. But I’ll be fine, I’ll continue to paint trying to keep the shadow of my executioner away. But I don’t want to talk to people anymore. They don’t deserve my words.
THE PRODIGY OF IDEAS 