I mentioned here that it will be the precycle, but this feeling is back again, which I could define as “feeling the need to have someone by my side” (aka getting engaged). This feeling, every time it touches the strings that unite my heart and brain and knocks me, pisses me off like a beast. I am aware that I am a whole entity, whole in myself and that the other would be something more that adds something to my already present wholeness. I am a. Complete. So WHY do I feel this need / this need? Certainly a great role plays the fact that I have never been in that situation and this sharpens the curiosity of “who knows how it is”, but the feeling is so universal, as to seem almost psycho-biological. In our mind it is natural to mate and love each other and not be alone (I mean only in the sense of love affair) and I think that there are no people born, raised and died without ever having sentimentally loved someone (spoiler: I will have my Nobel Prize). So why is this need felt? Need to feel loved? Then it is selfish, because I am looking for someone to simply satisfy my need. If it is a plus and I am whole, I (like everyone) do not need to feel this feeling. I get pissed off like a beast also because, having this awareness of its non-necessity, I feel weak. Psychology would tell me that we are social animals, that we have an ego that needs to be satisfied, that we need to feel loved. But I have 300 different loves in which I feel loved, why the need for THAT kind of feeling loved? Romantic love is told in a thousand forms of art since the dawn of time, as if it were in first place among the types of love that exist and it is perhaps this that influences us too much and makes us desire things that would not make much sense to desire, a little ‘how it works with advertising that makes you want to buy things you ultimately don’t need. So … why do we generally feel the desire for this addition to our life? I don’t want to feel the need, I don’t need any additions, I have to fit in my entirety as an individual because … But, precisely, why the opposite? Whenever I dissect these thoughts well, I usually go through everything and go back to normal with my non-need for anything but ME … let it happen for the umpteenth time, thank you.

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