UNDERWATER BALLS

There is more silence today, perhaps more than it has ever been, but it is a beautiful silence. A thoughtful silence. And so I think about the days to come and how they will hurt and I will need you but the distance will hide you and the world will seem cruel. And I will hate him for it. I think I will hate a lot of things. And so I think about how I will try to keep it alive. How will I save all the words that I have scattered in my mind. I will collect them all so that in the moments when I fear fading I will return to them. Relive the past just like Gatsby said it. I could be as crazy as he is. And I don’t think I’ll ever feel alone if I hold on to what you said. Only when the words break will I be truly alone. And I have a feeling you won’t let that happen. ….. The first words that come to my mind are. I like to complicate things. I like to complicate things in a beautiful way. I’m not sure if it’s frustrating or manic for people, but I want to see their faces all happy and confused. I want to do things in the craziest way possible to show that I care. To show that I love. I want to commit to doing something no one else would do and see the expression on their faces. That’s all I want. I just want to see their faces light up and say “What’s wrong with you? Because? Oh my God ”That’s all I want. I want to show them that the beauty of what they give me has to be something worth remembering and the only way I know of to do that is to give them a story to remember …

Do you see that light? It is brighter than the sun. Maybe that’s what we’ll see when the end comes. No, that’s not what you think. He is a man with a cigarette hiding in the trees. Yes, it is fading now. The only thing that has kept us warm so far. We are just losing ourselves in what we feel. ….. I know I spend too much time worrying, wondering and looking back on past things and moments in the past and the still reverberating echoes of my history, but these are the things we know for sure, aren’t they? Those things are certain and no one can say anything against it. The past can be confirmed by everyone because we have already been there. We have lived it. We all have different versions of it, a different story to tell, but the important thing is that we had those stories and they actually happened. I don’t know why, I don’t understand any of this and it might confuse many of you, but the thing that bothers me the most is why the things that happened so long ago have such a powerful effect on your soul. How can something be so real? It might sound ridiculous to most, but that’s the only way I understand it. Sometimes it’s almost too good to feel what I’m feeling. There is just no explanation. The explanation will always be vague and even if I feel it right now and have no doubts in my mind that what I feel is real, it cannot be explained. I think this must be the exact state of thought my mind is in right now. How confused and confused are the internal mechanisms of my brain.

WE’RE ALL ONE?

We are all equal.
Here it is, the sentence of the century.
Do you really have this perception?
Do you feel you have the same level of consciousness as a "dragon"?
Do you feel that since we are descended from the same Source then we are all one?
They gave you a brain enema, you know.
And for a long time I participated as well.
But the truth is that on this plane there are many beings, some are terrestrial and some are not. You see their human features and season everything by mirroring your empathy on the other, but in reality they are wraps devoid of Spirit.
So no, we are not all the same. And until you understand this and see the differences between people and containers, 
you become entangled with various paraculates about the sense of "experience and gratitude".
 You end up thinking that those who would gladly make a mush of you behave like this because they had a traumatic childhood. 
Maybe they're bad, you tell yourself, but it's dad's fault.
I'm not saying open your heart, but at least get the hams out of your eyes.





SITTEN WOMAN WITH THOUGHTS

I can not talk. 
I can't argue.
I cannot neglect myself.
I can't tell my ideas.
I cannot rebel.
I can't cry.
I can't argue at night.
Because I am a woman.
I have to be quiet, good, strong, always active, always sniffing laundry detergents, living in the apocalypse of bills, baking cookies.
Be good, angelic and silent. 
To be a mummy and not a Sphinx. 
Because I am a woman.
And in the winter, light candles, set memories on fire, dust brains in jars, 
and remain a woman, 
in her place, silent, silent, 
invisible.

NARCISISTIC LOVE

Loving oneself and loving others are two inseparable things, one the reflection of the other.
This makes me think of narcissists, who in the common imagination are people who love only themselves.
But starting from the premise made, we understand that their love for themselves is no less sick than that felt by those who love others without loving themselves.
In both cases it is a simple compensation of infantile needs, neither is pure love. But society only takes it out on narcissists (and their invisible insecurities) and instead puts those who love others on a pedestal to satisfy their ego.
We are perpetually deceived by the courteous and kind manners of certain people which lead us to think that there is a correspondence between them and the goodness of soul.
On the other hand, among the most common masks and disguises of ugly people, inside there are beautiful manners.
They serve to sidetrack the real thoughts they have about others and relieve their feelings of guilt.
A person with strong narcissistic dynamics does not tolerate being left behind. Not because he cares about you. Because he wants to manage the waste. If she is the one to leave, she does so naturally and without scruples. If one dares to leave it, it will not be tolerated. Often he will try to hang up and then be able to suddenly get out of the relationship, keeping the image of himself victorious. Let us remember in all this what is important to her is not you. It is to safeguard itself. There are people who tend to get overwhelmed and humiliate themselves with everyone in the most varied contexts. When you get used to overstepping your limits because you are unable to oppose, rebel and say no, you enter a deadly loop in which you lose your borders. To the sense of humiliation you risk to become anesthetized and never get out of it.

The opportunities for awakening, however, happen to everyone sooner or later and it is one that must be taken advantage of to be indignant and raise one's head.

Living crushed, humiliated, submissive and bent can cause premature death or eternal unhappiness. Saving opportunities need to be seized as they arise. It is only the idiots who do not know how to grasp them and remain in their mire.
It's not your fault you stay in the mud. It's just happening that someone or somebody, a narcissistic person, is using you and manipulating you to get something: money, sex, success, gifts.
There is no narcissist, man or woman, who does not lead a double or triple life.
Victims are always very surprised by this because, among the various deceptions they implement, they manage to make you feel unique when they are there.
And so we tend not to ask ourselves where they are when they are not there.
The answer is simple: to tell someone else bullshit. Victims of perverse narcissists and psychopaths in general should focus on their own narcissistic wounds and fear of rejection in particular. Because it is precisely when you insist on staying close to the bastards, at all costs, that the process of self-destruction begins. Staying next to an abused will only amplify a wound that will never heal.
The essential principle of recovering from the trauma of a relationship with a psychopath is through total and complete acceptance of the truth.
This truth is only betrayal. This truth is very painful, but it is the only one that can heal the wound of a betrayal [abuse] trauma.
Not accepting the truth causes the brain to generate the worst reactions, functioning like a computer that is stuck and does not advance.
The first and most necessary reset of your brain is assuming from the beginning of your recovery the ultimate truth of your own innocence and the undeserving of what happens to you.
You were betrayed by someone who shouldn't have done it.
Years of "blame treatment" by a psychopath can convince his victims that it's all their fault.
The truth is, loving a psychopath is scary to those who experience it.
His inability to feel and experience emotions leads him to a surprisingly frightening emotional coldness for his victims.
A life devoid of emotions bores them and, for this reason, they seek in betrayal, risk, deception or overcoming any moral or legal limit the way to be able to get out of that deadly tedium in which they live, thus generating emotions that devastate the partner.
His moral inability to take responsibility for his actions, his harsh and callous behavior, his sense of grandiosity and of deserving everything without any effort to achieve it, leads the psychopath to refuse to feel discomfort, guilt or remorse for his indolent, parasitic, unfair or directly predatory behavior.
It is always others who are to blame.
It is usually necessary to remind the victim that he is innocent. It's not his fault, but the psychopath's.
The victim did nothing to deserve this destruction. There is nothing that justifies what one suffers at the hands of the psychopath.
One of the most positive aspects of working with patients who have been victims of a relationship with a psychopath is the fact that the suffering they bring is of such caliber that they are more motivated than any other type of patient to do "whatever" you propose to get out. from the well.
In this sense, having suffered so much in a psychopathic relationship offers the best therapeutic predictions.
If you go ahead and believe in the truth of your innocence and have hope, you will heal your relationship with the psychopath and learn to prevent and anticipate in time any further trauma of abuse that may appear in your life.
To believe that you will move forward is to have hope. And hope is the best prognosis for your recovery.
Believe me when I tell you that all of this will end, and you will go on, even if now you don't see anything and you find yourself in the dark. Start turning on the light and be determined to move forward from truth and recovered innocence.

STORY OF A NAKED LOVE

When I met you I didn't know what we would become.
I didn't know what love would turn us into.
I didn't even know that you would be the love to me that I never imagined I would find. I didn't know that love saves.
I didn't know that love would take my breath away as only you can take it, love.
When I met you I had to fight with every fear that I had always carried inside me, every day for all my life. I had to fight myself and you because you weren't real. You were dreaming and dreams hurt in the morning when you wake up. You I love you was a struggle against everything I had in my heart and brain.
Because you know, the heart goes on one side, the brain on the other.
And I believe that love is love when the brain and heart both answer yes.
Becoming yours was a reward, it was receiving the best gift ever requested and received. You weren't expected, you weren't expected to upset my life. It was not expected that together we would be different.
Beautiful things are never expected.
Love, they say, is seeing even the worst of the other beautiful and it is true. True because I see everything about you beautiful, even your worst. Because loving is first learning to love mistakes. The defects, the ugliness, the troubles of the other.
When I met you I did not know, you taught me.
Like everything else. Like to love, like to fly looking at a pair of eyes. How to write your name everywhere. How to learn how to make cakes just to surprise you.
That fighting is the most powerful demonstration of love there is.
That the sun in your eyes warms up more willingly if two hands are intertwined, especially if these hands are ours.
When I met you I didn't know that making yourself beautiful was something to give to you.
I did not know that each of your "you are beautiful" would remain engraved in the heart and each "I love you" would become a mark on the bones.
When I met you I didn't know that loving you would empty and fill me with everything and that being naked in front of you meant feeling free for the first time in my entire life.
But love, I'm not just talking about a naked me in your arms, I'm not just talking about skin that undresses and hands that touch, I'm talking about showing you my heart as it is, without barriers, without reservations: naked.You took it. I gave it to you.
And I thank you for all the fears you have taken, for all the insecurities that you have cured me, for all the still open wounds that you have disinfected me. Thanks.
Because people don't know they hurt, because life doesn't know it's hurting and because we ourselves don't know how to stop hurting ourselves and then we are poisoned by wounds that do not heal and for this I thank you for coming, for knowing you and letting myself be saved.
When I met you I did not know that love is a miracle and that the greatest miracle for me is you. 

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