It is a small discomfort that comes when you realize that the world is not quite what we imagined as children. The world is false, mean, selfish, too big perhaps. You have to have the guts to get up in the morning and face it. Too many bad people, too many strangers ready to criticize you, too many people who pretend to know you and don't know you at all, but above all too many friends who stab in the back and few sincere people around. We must have courage to chase a dream with the fear that those who have more "chance" than us will steal it from us; and by possibility we mean neither mental nor physical, nor anything that has a positive meaning. It takes courage to just live in this world. With these people. There are few things that allow us to stay alive, to move, walk, dream .. and perhaps the very meaning of life is not so much to be fulfilled, as to find a stimulus every day to face the world .. and it is already a lot .
All these things will be forgotten,
all these things will be drowned,
all these things will be just memories,
the world will no longer have this image,
and the sadness of knowing what will happen makes me drown,
it makes me water,
I dream of the sea,
I dream of it.
Sand under the sea,
but when the high seas will come
there will be no sand but only the end of this land as I see it now.
All things will become different and this scares me
and I don't know why all this will be allowed,
why does God want to extinguish man again?
I have no answers,
maybe he doesn't have them either,
he is thinking about it,
he is deciding whether to do it or not,
whether to give us a chance,
but he sees the hatred and the war,
and the violence,
and how can he say that we are still one thing good?
I have always loved my life. I have never lacked for anything: family, friends, kids and everything you could ever want. But I have always felt unsuitable, always out of place, always on standby. Like I’m in a storm waiting for someone to save me. But nobody ever came. Indeed, for anything it was always a continuous “but you are strong” and never a “come here, I’ll give you a hand”. At one point I thought I was wrong. Because let’s face it, I’m a mess. I’m worse than hurt. And who was that madman, not sane, who voluntarily chose to stay? Easy, nobody. Or so I thought. Even today, if I stop to think how it all started in such a banal and simple way, a smile escapes me. It is truly absurd. I always believed that when it happened it would be a movie thing, a blatant event, a bolt from the blue. But it was not so. It was better. Because I didn’t expect it, I didn’t even notice it and it hit me straight in the heart, but this time it wasn’t a pain but a joy. And basically, nothing, I was in this place that I do my own business and to myself and I was thinking only of the duvet that was waiting for me at home. I was bored, tired and the evening went by slowly in its crap. In short, a total shit. Then I turn around and notice a boy looking out from the balcony of the private room. Tall, brown-haired, well-dressed, sipping a glass of champagne, in short, scary cool. I start staring at it. I try to make him understand that I care but without getting too unbalanced, otherwise what bitch would I have been ?! And this game of glances lasts for a while. Then I lose sight of him. I’m looking for it, but I can’t find it. Sin. The evening continues and I decide to break down on the sofa at my table and wait there for the end of the evening. But at some point I feel my back being stroked. I turn around and he was there. I just couldn’t help but smile. I don’t know why, it never happened to me. Anyway we start talking about this and that, he tells me his name and pulls me another smile. His name is Vincenzo, like my father. It doesn’t take too long for us to kiss. And what a kiss. As if at some point there was nothing. No people. No music. No chaos. Only U.S. Only his hand touching my guncia. Just her full lips on mine. Only her perfume that drove me crazy. And then bam, they call me that we have to go away. Typical. I start having fun and we had to leave. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye. In the car, while we were returning home, I came to my senses, I made up my mind and I thought I was perhaps too drunk and that I would never see him again. But as soon as I got home I sent him a message, because I had promised to do it and that stupid promise was enough for me as an excuse to do it. I fell asleep and in the morning I didn’t think about it anymore. Only by accident did I notice that he had answered me. But in that moment I don’t know, something changed in me. An alarm bell rings. But then, only later, did he realize that I had misinterpreted what my heart was trying to tell me. But there in that moment, I simply snubbed him and even in the following weeks I was elusive, absent and disinterested. At one point on the phone his name no longer appeared. And I was a little sorry. Maybe even more than a little. Certainly more than a little. Another evening was organized in that club and obviously I couldn’t miss it. I didn’t make any plans but in my heart I hoped to see him again. Even in the car I wanted to disguise my little spern by saying to my friend: “You know, I met a guy here. Who knows if there will be tonight. Otherwise c’est la vie ”. And as soon as I entered, he took a look around the room, I was not even robocop with an x-ray view. But ninete. I didn’t see him. I let out a sigh that at times my lungs burst. Do you see that I’m strange? Feeling like this for someone who has seen you half a time, and it is true that it had never happened to me before but it was still an absurd thing. So what was the only solution? Alcohol. And as I go to the bar someone grabs me by the arm, I turn around like a beast but I become a puppy as soon as I notice that he is there. And here’s another smile. We are already three, it was a record for a boy. And it was for me too. Because ripped smiles are the truest and I haven’t had them like that for a long, long time. However, let’s not waste time and go outside to talk. It’s like eight thousand degrees below zero and so we stay close, I hug him tightly and as we speak my fingers touch his back. We talk, we talk a lot. Of so many things that I am baffled by the fact that she had so much desire to open up with me. Had I really made a good impression? Miracle. Well of course we kiss and again I feel full. Full of everything. It is difficult to explain it but while I try to explain to you what I felt while kissing me, my hands tremble on the keyboard, I feel my stomach upside down, like at the rides and then I smile with my mouth, with my eyes, with my heart, with my mind. You have understood? We decide that it is time to see each other out of the context of the place, where one catches each other by chance and there is not much intimacy. When I get home, in bed, but I always think it will eventually go away. I don’t know, I try to defend myself in some way. Not to delude myself too much. The next day I brought my hopes to zero and when we go get that coffee inside of me I tell myself that this is all a bluff and that it won’t last. And you can’t understand how bad it is to think such things while you are just sitting with a person talking about nonsense but you feel good, of such a great good that it almost hurts you. So when he takes me back to the house, before going down, I kiss him and tell him: “I will never see you again”. He looks at me, gives a hint of a smile and tells me: “See you tomorrow”. But did I go up the stairs? I think I flew up to the second floor. See you tomorrow?! That is, tomorrow is the most important thing that can be said at the beginning. But it was great to be told “see you tomorrow” and to see that he was really there. From that moment on, I have completely changed or I have almost become myself again. I took courage and took off that heavy and very hard steel armor that I always carried around me and underneath a little little girl came out. I wanted to play it all. This time it either goes or breaks it. And gone. It went great. I rediscovered myself. The desire to tell me. To open my heart and my brain. To give him my hopes, my ideas, my thoughts, my feelings. I discovered the joy of laughing at nonsense, the pleasure of opening your eyes and seeing his face first. I discovered the pleasure of hugs given from behind, as if to say “don’t worry, I’m always here”. I discovered the strength that can give you a look, a word, a handshake given by someone else. I discovered the beauty of the future in making plans. I discovered the fragility but it will never be used against you. I discovered the small gestures that become immense if he does them. I discovered feeling good, because there is nothing more beautiful in the world than starting every day with the knowledge that someone loves you. And I know that compared to everything I’ve always done and said I’m inconsistent, but if to be happy to suck I have to be inconsistent then I am. And then I found love. And love, well, how can I explain it. Take Shakespeare’s sonnets, Alda Merini’s poems, Colplay’s or Ed-sheeran’s songs, take Nutella, sunsets, books, music, movies, laughter, hugs, cotton candy, planes , Mc Donald’s, summer, clouds, the rainbow, hot chocolate, TV series and multiplied by ten billion. Here, that is similar to love for you. Instead for me love is one thing. For me, love is Vincenzo. Because sometimes it happens, not just in movies. This is for you. Thanks for existing.
Educating men. The problem is that women who bring up their children are often anaffective, natcisist, ambivalent and selfish. In recent times in many families the woman is an example of unbridled materialism, hunger for success and extreme narcissism. Many children are literally abandoned to their grandparents or uncles because the young parents are busy in their hectic life on social media. Mothers who are divided between videos on instagram and tik tok, sitting in beauty centers and running for shopping. Fathers glued to chats where they sneak up on half-naked girls, looking for the most daring encounters. So what can children receive from these individuals taken only by themselves and their selfish desires? They do not receive any affection and therefore as soon as they find someone to attach themselves to they become possessive and obsessive. Because for them that woman becomes the center of their world that has been empty. And when the woman becomes aware of such oppressive feelings, it is too late. And if by chance he tries to leave the man, he will take revenge in a negative way. So these men who grew up with absent mothers become too present and pressing. Mothers themselves create these insensitive monsters. Mothers themselves no longer know how to educate their children because they are busy advertising themselves. And the cases of femicides increase because there are so many children who grow up mistreated and rejected by narcissistic mothers. What have women become? Materialistic and obsessed with success. Unfortunately, the cause of a bad education of males is the women themselves. 😟
When I speak and say something, I am never understood. When I speak and say something I am not listened to because I do not speak on video. I write and speak. I don’t record videos. Those who make videos perhaps have a better chance of being heard and understood, even appreciated by everyone. The videos are more followed. I am never taken into consideration because I don’t start talking in front of a cam, I don’t show my tits, I don’t whisper, I don’t blink, I don’t talk about fashion and make-up. I feel very frustrated about this because in this society only videos matter. People want to see someone, fantasize, imagine. I don’t show videos. I speak. But I’m not understood.
THE PRODIGY OF IDEAS 