COVERT NARCISIST

Unlike overt narcissists (overts), coverts appear shy and inhibited, sometimes depressed, and always overly concerned with the judgment of others. They lack the drive for realization typical of classic narcissism and therefore lead gray lives while attributing their failure to others, to "life", secretly harboring feelings of anger and deep envy.

They cultivate unconfessable fantasies of glory, superiority and success, but, unlike the "overts", the hidden narcissists manifest experiences of inferiority that make them susceptible to the slightest criticism.

Often they undertake artistic paths or studies considered socially prestigious without results, given the superficiality of their commitment. However, they do not give up the label of "writer", "musician" or future "lawyer" even when, with all evidence, they will never succeed in their intent.

The appearance of "damned", of injured chicks, of "victims of life" can deceive those who fall in love with covert narcissists and plunge them into the gears of emotional dependence that revolve around the need to help the frustrated partner. The coverts react to the love and dedication of the other with reluctance to change and respond through the incessant trauma of silence, emotional inhibition and depressive withdrawal, up to the unpredictable abandonment inflicted on the partner as an unconscious "retaliation" of the own failures.

Akthar (1989) emphasizes that covert narcissists are "unable to stay in love" and experience the difference in interests and values ​​of which the other is a healthy bearer with extreme difficulty and discomfort. The inability to tolerate subjectivities other than their own is one of the reasons why coverts are unable to stay in a relationship for long: they fall out of love overnight and for this reason they are ultimately as destructive and pathologizing as overts.

In fact, together with their own narcissism, these subjects hide aggression, contempt, personal failure and the impossibility of loving in a system of progressive relational sabotage completely incomprehensible for the partner, who remains entangled in the sense of guilt and inadequacy without sensing the serious abuse and neglect to which it is subjected.

The drama of emotional dependence with a hidden narcissist is accentuated by the almost total unawareness with which the covert experiences the relationship and their feelings, an unawareness that prevents the victim from becoming aware of what is happening and of those in front of him.
You call and he doesn't answer. He does not call back, or call back when he wants. You send text messages that seem to get lost in the maze of Machiavellian unpredictability, then, after hours or days, insipid and telegraphic replies arrive.
Show callousness, coldness, and sincere disappointment at the slightest request to commit to the relationship. It is capable of overwhelming "leaps", but they last that half hour that you "make love" or so. Then again cryptic, fickle and confusing communications mix with increasingly dry silences.
And if you are bold enough to move on, if instead of urgently and definitively interrupting the relationship, you continue, everything else comes: the devaluation, the aggression, the constant feeling of precariousness and danger, the pathological jealousy, the desperation of the chase and of derision.
These are the typical phenomena of the relationship with a perverse narcissist, a man who, often beyond his own awareness, acts in a destructive way and pushes his partner into the spiral of emotional dependence.
Initially, therefore, the narcissist sells himself very well to the empath, pretending to be a victim, asking for help and emotional support, or showing himself admirable and valiant. The empath may fall in love or simply feel affection and compassion for the character played by the narcissus, and then will put his energies into what seems to him a just cause, becoming the primary source of narcissistic nourishment, even after the narcissist has stopped acting. the wonderful initial character.

When the empath becomes a victim of the narcissus, he is reduced to the rank of co-dependent.

The empath tends to be naive and makes an incredible effort to understand the fact that there are people without scruples, ethics, good feelings and morals. So he will try in every way to keep the slices of salami over his eyes and not to notice the discrepancies between the fabulous character played by the narcissus and the real, horrible being that transpires here and there as the relationship with the narcissus proceeds.

The empath tries desperately to continue to believe in the existence of that wonderful person, otherwise all his beliefs will prove wrong and the world will collapse on him.

Meanwhile, the narcissus blames his own misdeeds on the empath, who according to him does not provide him with enough love and adoration and who knows what else: otherwise, he argues, the narcissus would be serene and would continue to be the wonderful person of the early days.

The empath believes in it and takes all the blame for the problems of the narcissus and the relationship. Then he is convinced that to heal the situation, he or she must give, give more and more, until he is totally drained.

At this point, the empath generally ends up on the verge of suicide or self-destructive behaviors, and the narcissus gets rid of it as soon as it finds a new, fresh and "juicy" victim.

Moral: if you are an empath, stay away from daffodils. All the more so if you have a history of codependency or narcissistic parents. Read, get informed, learn how to recognize them and how to manage them, learn to take care of yourself and above all to dedicate your empathy to worthy causes.

Not everything and everyone must be helped; channel your gifts of sensitivity and compassion into a suitable job or volunteer, rather. And practice discerning and saying no.

MY HAUNTED HOUSE

I think my house is full of bad things and I have a schizophrenic neighbor and I think her negative energy after years is building up passing into my house and I don’t know how to do it. I tested the jar with vinegar and salt, dissolved in water, in the attic and it solidified. So there is certainly something. My house is built on a battleground. Besides, the owners are dead there. The first few years things were going well but bad things have been happening since last year. The thing is, I also dated a negative person who I found out was an energy vampire and maybe he put something in here when he came to my house. Or he left us something. I’m cleaning the whole house with vinegar and salt. I also put stones and crystals around. Burned incense. I took a bath with whole salt. But will all this help? Or do I really have to move house? It seems to me that there are now stagnant energies here. I cannot unlock many situations. Do I have to do other things?. I am not religious. I only believe in good and bad energies

THE STONE CIRCLE

Stay inside the stone circle and keep it away. This I have been trying to do all this time. You can’t imagine what force it took to keep him at bay! Only the strongest souls receive his terrible attack to prove that the light has victory over him every time. The first time he came I was so weak and didn’t know anything about myself but I managed to avoid his overwhelming me. It was painful but I stood up to him because I had immense strength inside me. Over time I have always learned to recognize him, but each time I don’t know if I will get the better of him. The closer I get to the goal, the more he puts his wonderful obstacles in front of me. Each time he changes his face and his entire semblance but I recognize his way of doing. From the beginning I knew what it was aimed at and I tried to keep it well hidden in me. I told him: “Not me! Not me, you were wrong! I am cursed. I come from your own kingdom! ” But he’s too smart and he never believed me. It’s true, for a while he left me alone, I managed to divert him from me, I disguised myself as a damned soul and for a while he really drank it. I covered myself with ashes, with pain, with black suffering to convince him that it wasn’t me, I wasn’t the one he needed. But now he is furious, he has discovered the deception and his anger is terrible. He feels he has been made fun of by me, a cunning little girl. How she managed to get rid of him like this I don’t really know. Perhaps only a woman can succeed in deluding even the devil. But now he doesn’t want to let go because he knows what he would give up. And his war on me is merciless. He devises a thousand ways to make me fall and has become good at showing himself under his best clothes to capture my soul. He scratches me, he calls me to him, he leaves marks on my body, he wants to reach me to chain me to him. Sometimes I feel so weak, so tired, it would make me forget everything and disappear and never be found again. But I’m not a coward and I can’t stand him laughing at my vile escape. And so now he has sent his best soldiers to destroy my flesh, my mind and my heart. each of them knows a thousand techniques to bend my will and the torture is worthy of the martyrs of the past. You do not know what war is being fought inside my life, in this life that you believe to be full only of human passion. It is not the love against which I fight, it is not a man that I escape but it is the first Enemy of all mankind. This little girl has no shield, I have no armor, this girl that I am has only a stupid hope of being able to save someone else by paying with her own sacrifice. And if letting his soldiers cut me apart will help your ascension, I will let myself be wiped off the face of the earth. Behold, the ferocious lions are ready to receive my blood, delicious morsel, to save your path. This was my secret, this was what I wanted to tell you. I will not hesitate to be devastated to save your soul. I will not hesitate to be eliminated for your sake and for your love. When I was told that I should have done this to give my light, I did not reply. That Enemy I didn’t know really existed. Now I can tell you that he is here, waiting for my yes. When I told you to link together it was to avoid drinking my cup. But now I’ve brought it to my lips and I’m drinking it to the last drop. I want to give my life to save yours. I will fall but you will remain standing. What can my life of mud be worth if I can save the mission of you, my prophet? I want him to take every last drop of my blood and set it on fire, so you will be safe and I will no longer exist. I trust only in YOU and I trust that you will reach your divine Glory. “Everything is done”.

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