GENTLE SOUL

Whenever you come across a nice person you are faced with an amazing effort, a huge commitment, you are faced with a person who works on himself continuously, a worker of the heart who works night shifts on behalf of everyone you are in front of a person who never escapes, who manages to put care even in his distraction, who has learned to cause silence when offered to her a provocation remember that you are in front of it a story full of stories, long walks in the countryside of villages that we don’t even know how to pronounce, you have in front of you, a person who does not fear loneliness, who has learned to be alone to become an island to be alone who took his break a lifeline which he made of his salvation an anchor for others you stand in front of it to those who have known despair in person but she did not despair, that has disappeared from everyone, scattered everywhere, depended on no one, dispensation of the world whenever you come across a nice person thank life toast to the universe bow to the sun invents a Sunday throw a party you are in front of a work of art extremely fragile like the canvas of a painting, definitely immortal like a painting.

Fragility is part of me, this is true; I feel very emotional and sensitive, able to grasp details that normally people are not able to fully grasp. Even those details are fragile: those little pieces of the world that no one sees, perhaps hidden by the shadow of chaos and lack of time … I see them, and I appreciate them. I see the fragility of the spider web after it has rained, when the droplets of rain run down the threads … I see how easily it could snap, and I sigh, hoping it doesn’t. I am so fragile that when I see a bee, or a hornet, or any insect that could hurt me, that is drowning in a basin, I bend down and pick it up with my hands, because I know it won’t hurt me, because in that moment we are both fragile. At that moment we both suffer. I can’t explain more clearly the sense of fragility around me, but know that wherever you look, in everything you see, there is always a crack, a delicate edge, something that if you look even more carefully, you will find fragile. almost as fragile as you are.

SWEET EMOTIONS

Having reached this moment in my life, after several disappointments on the part of everyone and after long periods of reflection, I realized that now I need to be treated with unprecedented kindness. No more anxieties, doubts and insecurities. I just want genuine, kind and tender feelings. I am not willing to compromise on what I want and what I deserve. Committing to capturing at least a fragment of innocence in people and feeling tenderness for it is the only way to avoid retiring to private life as fast as a cockroach when you turn on the light.

There are moments in which I would like to go back to when I was little, moments that I miss and that unfortunately will never come back. I miss that innocence and that light-heartedness that I had, I looked at the world with different eyes, a beautiful world. I imagined already after the age of 20 with a job, a guy who cared about me and that only I existed as a woman for him. I imagined many beautiful things, but everything remains the fruit of my imagination alone. I miss it when I played dolls, when I watched cartoons on TV, the beautiful ones that passed Italy one. I miss living in my beautiful imaginary world.

We played hide and seek within the city walls. I was hiding, you were looking for me. I laughed, you laughed. We spent the whole afternoon even just playing one game, because I was hiding really well, and you didn’t even know where to start looking. In the end, you always managed to find me, somehow, and all you could say, finding my umpteenth hiding place, was: “Oh!” I laughed, you laughed. We spent the afternoons like this, together, without ever getting tired, meeting every afternoon at the same point, without even having agreed. We loved each other like that. We were really too young to know what love was, to be able to say we knew it, yet there was something between us: a thread, a red thread that united our hearts, a little girl’s apron ribbon, long, perhaps infinite, he would have been able to keep us tied even if we had been at the two opposite poles of the world. Subsequently, however, all that I managed to glimpse in our afternoons of play was your miserable shadow, nothing to do with you. And finally, what I thought to be your shadow also vanished, but perhaps it was just a figure of my invention, created not to admit that you had abandoned me. I was left alone. Without you, without your shadow. Yet, I continued to spend the afternoons playing, giving the landscape that surrounded me tiny and timid smiles, waiting for your return. Every now and then I stopped, playing, and looked towards the path that led to your house, waiting to see you arrive hopping, with the hat in your hands and the sly and proud look that had always distinguished you. But you never came back. And I, I continued to wait for you: I could not accept the idea that our red thread had somehow been severed.

COVERT NARCISIST

Unlike overt narcissists (overts), coverts appear shy and inhibited, sometimes depressed, and always overly concerned with the judgment of others. They lack the drive for realization typical of classic narcissism and therefore lead gray lives while attributing their failure to others, to "life", secretly harboring feelings of anger and deep envy.

They cultivate unconfessable fantasies of glory, superiority and success, but, unlike the "overts", the hidden narcissists manifest experiences of inferiority that make them susceptible to the slightest criticism.

Often they undertake artistic paths or studies considered socially prestigious without results, given the superficiality of their commitment. However, they do not give up the label of "writer", "musician" or future "lawyer" even when, with all evidence, they will never succeed in their intent.

The appearance of "damned", of injured chicks, of "victims of life" can deceive those who fall in love with covert narcissists and plunge them into the gears of emotional dependence that revolve around the need to help the frustrated partner. The coverts react to the love and dedication of the other with reluctance to change and respond through the incessant trauma of silence, emotional inhibition and depressive withdrawal, up to the unpredictable abandonment inflicted on the partner as an unconscious "retaliation" of the own failures.

Akthar (1989) emphasizes that covert narcissists are "unable to stay in love" and experience the difference in interests and values ​​of which the other is a healthy bearer with extreme difficulty and discomfort. The inability to tolerate subjectivities other than their own is one of the reasons why coverts are unable to stay in a relationship for long: they fall out of love overnight and for this reason they are ultimately as destructive and pathologizing as overts.

In fact, together with their own narcissism, these subjects hide aggression, contempt, personal failure and the impossibility of loving in a system of progressive relational sabotage completely incomprehensible for the partner, who remains entangled in the sense of guilt and inadequacy without sensing the serious abuse and neglect to which it is subjected.

The drama of emotional dependence with a hidden narcissist is accentuated by the almost total unawareness with which the covert experiences the relationship and their feelings, an unawareness that prevents the victim from becoming aware of what is happening and of those in front of him.

You call and he doesn't answer. He does not call back, or call back when he wants. You send text messages that seem to get lost in the maze of Machiavellian unpredictability, then, after hours or days, insipid and telegraphic replies arrive.
Show callousness, coldness, and sincere disappointment at the slightest request to commit to the relationship. It is capable of overwhelming "leaps", but they last that half hour that you "make love" or so. Then again cryptic, fickle and confusing communications mix with increasingly dry silences.
And if you are bold enough to move on, if instead of urgently and definitively interrupting the relationship, you continue, everything else comes: the devaluation, the aggression, the constant feeling of precariousness and danger, the pathological jealousy, the desperation of the chase and of derision.
These are the typical phenomena of the relationship with a perverse narcissist, a man who, often beyond his own awareness, acts in a destructive way and pushes his partner into the spiral of emotional dependence.

Initially, therefore, the narcissist sells himself very well to the empath, pretending to be a victim, asking for help and emotional support, or showing himself admirable and valiant. The empath may fall in love or simply feel affection and compassion for the character played by the narcissus, and then will put his energies into what seems to him a just cause, becoming the primary source of narcissistic nourishment, even after the narcissist has stopped acting. the wonderful initial character.

When the empath becomes a victim of the narcissus, he is reduced to the rank of co-dependent.

The empath tends to be naive and makes an incredible effort to understand the fact that there are people without scruples, ethics, good feelings and morals. So he will try in every way to keep the slices of salami over his eyes and not to notice the discrepancies between the fabulous character played by the narcissus and the real, horrible being that transpires here and there as the relationship with the narcissus proceeds.

The empath tries desperately to continue to believe in the existence of that wonderful person, otherwise all his beliefs will prove wrong and the world will collapse on him.

Meanwhile, the narcissus blames his own misdeeds on the empath, who according to him does not provide him with enough love and adoration and who knows what else: otherwise, he argues, the narcissus would be serene and would continue to be the wonderful person of the early days.

The empath believes in it and takes all the blame for the problems of the narcissus and the relationship. Then he is convinced that to heal the situation, he or she must give, give more and more, until he is totally drained.

At this point, the empath generally ends up on the verge of suicide or self-destructive behaviors, and the narcissus gets rid of it as soon as it finds a new, fresh and "juicy" victim.

Moral: if you are an empath, stay away from daffodils. All the more so if you have a history of codependency or narcissistic parents. Read, get informed, learn how to recognize them and how to manage them, learn to take care of yourself and above all to dedicate your empathy to worthy causes.

Not everything and everyone must be helped; channel your gifts of sensitivity and compassion into a suitable job or volunteer, rather. And practice discerning and saying no.

FRAGILE

An eyelash is so fragile. I often think about it and realize that I am only a tiny eyelash in this world. You know the exact moment when you blow an eyelash and make it fly not knowing where it is anymore? Well, that’s exactly how I feel, just a little gust of wind and they vanish into nothingness, into my nothingness. I get lost and destroyed easily, but I never completely die.

Being the “weak” in a pack of wolves will tear me to shreds: they will nourirannno of my flesh to survive; If not, my vital organs will be stronger. That same concept has been carried over to human beings, I see that wolves and men overlap perfectly, but there will always be one difference: humans are much worse than wolves; humans destroy wide inside!

It suffers. It’s everyone’s turn. You suffer physically, psychologically and emotionally, but you are used to it. We are used to believing that it is normal to suffer, but it probably isn’t, we lock ourselves in a cage believing that feeling pain is somehow right or at least justifiable, but it is not. Suffering is a cage that we create for ourselves out of fear of actually suffering, because we believe that being aware of the pain protects us in some absurd and sick way. We believe that knowing that we are in pain makes us feel less pain when something more painful happens, but it is absolutely absurd! We are so afraid that we ourselves are the cause of our suffering.

One beautiful day everything changes, beautiful so to speak. We grow up. We grow up and dreams vanish, stop, there is an emotional collapse, there is an interior emptying, a decrease in expectations; negative growth. We grow up and expect many beautiful things, but they don’t happen. It would be better to remain children, remain dreamy and happy, remain fascinated by the little one and hungry for curiosity. What then grows and hunger passes, everything seems so banal and obvious, the wonder becomes disgust and disgust turns into hate. One becomes passive to the world. You become something, but something empty. We grow up and reach the peak of failure, we expect to start living well, instead we realize that we lived better before, with nothing, but in reality with everything: emotions and happiness.

“Love does not exist is a jam of the mind of misplaced questions and unconvinced answers. Do you want to take this free creature as a husband until God has decided or only while it lasts? “One of my favorite songs and, above all, my favorite piece of this song (who cares about the title is love doesn’t exist fabi gazze e silvestri) It is one of my favorite phrases because it fully describes what I think about love (if we want to call it that), to love there is no need to marry, to unite religiously or juridically, if you love someone stay there for as long as possible because you want, because this happens, because this is how things turn out: by doing them by not promising them! Love goes beyond being close, it goes beyond sharing pieces of life, it goes beyond marriage. love is a union of souls, in fact in the song the singers say “Love does not exist, but you and I exist”, because there are souls, there are bodies, there are moments, there is something that goes beyond everything, it exists a feeling that cannot be described ba nally from a word, because a word cannot contain a thousand facets, but “you and me” yes, it can contain anything that belongs to two people. You and I are, you and I exist, not love, you and I are something else: you and I are alive!

EMOTIONAL CHAOS

1. Never repress your emotions just because they make you feel guilty or think they are wrong. No emotion is wrong and if we feel it in us there is always a reason and the more we try to justify it rationally or avoid them we only do damage to ourselves because repression makes them come back to the surface and transform them into fears. Always be open to yourself, listen to yourself and always look inside yourself to understand if you are okay and don’t pretend yes when it is not so because you only hurt yourself and you will never be able to really know yourself. Love each other so much that you don’t feel guilty for trying certain things because we are human and we are not automatons. We are imperfect and it is so beautiful, we can make mistakes a lot of times and fix it anyway because there is no standard concept of perfection, it is only in our mind and often it will be for what we will feel wrong, but know that it is not so. It’s okay if you feel that way now and it’s okay to stop for a moment when you feel you are about to burst, try not to make it too late. Take your time and listen to yourself, do what you really want and leave everything else alone for a moment and you will see that your day will completely change.

I am not made for goodbye, for tight hugs, for thanks for everything, for promises made on the doorstep of the house or at the station, for gifts, given as a token, for languid looks. I’m not made for emotionally strong experiences. Better to do with me as you do with pets, which do not have the conception of the passage of time, better tell me: see you later, even if one will come back after months, or after a day or never come back.

It is in mornings like these, slow, full of thoughts, doubts and worries, while that light breeze blows, whipping the heat of the night just passed among a thousand torments, that you realize how much life for you has always been a whirlwind of disparate emotions, so many never have the time to elaborate them fully, dragging them along like a useless ballast. I will be too emotional, I will live too intensely what happens to me, I will also take too much to heart the problems of others putting them before mine, but I still firmly and despite everything believe that this is me, and I am fine with it. Of course, it would be good not to have gastritis nervosa, but that’s another story.

Sometimes being emotional is something totally negative for us. Think about when you love so much, that emotionality comes to cover everything, inducing us to think that your story has a continuity, that it can go on even if the person we love no longer reciprocates our feeling. On the contrary, it is something totally positive. When you feel like you’re dying for a kiss. When you take his hands and smile feeling your heart beat like never before. When you make love and feel a thousand emotions follow each other. When you get excited in front of a good book. When you get attached to a character, when you recognize yourself in it. As in everything there are positive and negative aspects, but what would we be without feelings?

I’m afraid of falling in love. To go back to feeling everything for someone who probably won’t feel anything for me. I’m afraid of taking risks, of putting my heart on the line once again. I’m afraid of turning these smiles into tears, I’m afraid of becoming attached to them and then being abandoned. I’m afraid of what I feel. Of that involuntary smile when I look at you, or of the most total confusion when I sink into your blue eyes. I’m afraid of falling in love again and at the same time I have a craving crowd. The desire that keeps me awake at night thinking of you, that desire to kiss you every smile and to be with you every second. I am afraid of when I am out and I look for you. I am afraid when I do everything to see you. I’m afraid when I look at you. I’m afraid, because I know I’m about to fall in love.