HELP FOR BROKEN FAMILIES

The dysfunctional family is a family in which conflicts, deviant behavior and abuse predominate. Each of these families lives in fear and the weakest members are constantly subjected to physical and psychological violence.

In these family models, authority is replaced by a distorted idea of ​​authority that is exercised through manifestations of anger, the need for control and aggression.
We remember how families and couples, as well as every single individual on earth, by nature and evolutionary processes face what we call a "period of crisis". Carl Whitaker, pioneer of systemic family therapy, identifies various crises within the couple. One of these occurs when the two partners realize that the other will never become what they wanted to become and that they will never be able to completely change it. To this crisis are added others, such as those marked by specific events, such as the birth / growth / education of children, bereavement, serious illness. And it is enough to observe the period in which we live to realize the drama in which all these aspects can convey
To date, the first test we had to overcome was to completely change our habits: the transition from hectic daily activities to immobility, stopped and blocked in confined spaces, for days and days, was not easy. And the awareness that today this will not end as soon as we all hope can make it even less bearable. So we have to deal, within those domestic walls, with the management of what have become only long and interminable days to fill. Everything that relieves us from coming into contact with us, our emotions, reflections on our own self, is now outside (friends, sports, holidays and travel, .. et al.). And the isolation in which we find ourselves, full of continuous disastrous news on the progress of the pandemic, can only be a further sharpener of emotions such as fears, anxieties and depressions.
It can be useful to start the day taking care of us, of our person, of our spaces especially if shared with 2 or 3 people of the family unit, and even more if we consider the units in which there are also grandparents or uncles and if the spaces they are reduced;
You can discover a new way of preparing yourself towards yourself and the new time available, dedicating yourself to activities for which we did not have time before (cooking, gardening, bricolage, et.al.). All this can be an opportunity compared to a new way of placing oneself within the family space and discovering a new relational dimension;
With children it can be useful, bearing in mind the differences for age groups, to maintain a daily routine as much as possible, to be recreated totally new as we have tried to do with ourselves: the day can be spent alternating playful moments with recreational moments , to play spaces and free exploration, to moments of sharing with the family.

INNOCENCE

All adults continue to carry their inner child inside. The body changes, needs change, experiences change thoughts and habits. But the wounds suffered remain and always remain open inside our little child. They come knocking again almost desperate, through the memory. They do not heal and scratch on the times when our baby inside did not feel appreciated enough, did not have the strength to be seduced by his individuality and subsequently never felt so safe as to abandon his initial innocence on the street. Within every family there are secrets, past anecdotes often steeped in shame. Within every family there is someone who feels guilty even for what he did not commit and at the same time dumps on others what he is solely responsible for. Although everyone feels so unique and different from everyone, every family interaction has a common denominator that repeats itself, like the script of the same film, translated into all languages ​​throughout the history of the world. In every family there is a well-defined decalogue: This should not be said; this is not to be done; this is not good … Yet to grow it is necessary to accept one’s own subversive universe. To grow, it is necessary to give up innocence. Giving up innocence means accepting what we reject about ourselves, even when it goes against the grain of what we have been taught. Giving up innocence does not make us guilty. It teaches us to understand that it is what we hide that destroys us while what we accept makes us peaceful and changes us for the better. Conflicts are spider webs, either you break them or they weaken you more and more until you are imprisoned, to the point of stifling forever even the last breath of courage you have inside. The paradox of any improvement is that in order to improve you must first accept your limits and love yourself as you are. To be able to do this it is necessary to recognize yourself and then break, break everything that you have built in your life to defend yourself, the shield around your heart.

THE BAD ROOM

 

I believe that an unhappy ending is closer to real life. We grew up with too many fairy tales with a happy ending and then in life we ​​don’t know how to make it happen. But we don’t know how to make it happen simply because there is no positive ending in real life. Not even a witch’s powerful magic can change the course of events today. Not even a thousand witches or a thousand prayers. You have to see things as they are and not always illusions which then create frustration.
The black sheep of a family are actually liberators of their family tree. Family members who do not fit into family rules or traditions, those who are constantly trying to revolutionize beliefs. Those who choose paths contrary to the well-trodden paths of family lines, those who are criticized, judged and even rejected. These are called to free the family from repetitive patterns that frustrate entire generations. These so-called “black sheep,” the ones that don’t fit, the ones that howl with rebellion, actually repair, detoxify and create new thriving branches in their family tree. Countless unfulfilled desires, shattered dreams, or frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested through this revolt. By inertia, the family tree will do everything to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which will make the rebel’s task difficult and conflicting. I am a black sheep. And I managed not to follow any flocks and not even any shepherds. I am a free animal but I am inside a golden cage, inside a house of playing cards, inside a life envied by everyone.
A lot of “forever” that by now the value of these two magical words has been lost and it is assumed that the end is coming. “Forever” means that for good and shit I will be next to you. If your head goes off, if you lose control, if you get angry and blow everything up, if you are confused *, if you are afraid, if we kill ourselves, if one day you are nervous * and you answer me badly, with “forever” I confirm that I will be there next to you, to put up with you and make you understand what is wrong and if anything also to send you to fuck, because there is but always coming back if you allow me. To endure does not mean to suffer, in fact forever lasts only if there are two of you to make it last and it is certainly not a passive who undergoes everything for the good of the two, on the contrary. The sentence is: if you allow me, ours is a “forever” Perhaps this is why no one is able to give it the right value anymore, it is a great responsibility – very beautiful – that many mistake for a burden.
What then I always try to express anger in some way, to find phrases on this social network to describe people, to go crazy following certain situations, to fight to the last breath but today I realize that it is useless to waste time with people who don’t want to listen, who stab you in the back and prefer to betray you and mix in shit. Up to now I have mixed too, now it’s time to let it go. The only lesson that I have understood from all of this is that there is a time to fight and one to let go. May I always recognize them.

STORY OF A SISTER

Yesterday, today and tomorrow now merged with each other. The rush to take the bus, the jostling to get on the train and the brisk step to the office were actions that were invariably repeated every day, so that it became difficult to distinguish the days between them. At first she liked that much-needed routine, somehow it made her feel safe after so much instability. But now it was close to her, it made her out of breath. She spent the whole journey looking out the window, looking for a shred of freedom in the landscape that accompanied her. But even that, after all, remained the same over time: gray buildings, fields, a kindergarten, a park, houses, hospital, gray buildings … By now it even seemed to her that she was always seeing the same people on the train: the little girl whimpering among the the mother’s arms, the hatched kids yelling and giggling, the beggar jingling his glass of coins as he limped around the carriage, the gentleman reading a newspaper, the lady looking around cautiously, the boy leafing through an ebook, the girl arguing on the phone and the girl chewing a butt with her mouth open. Sometimes he hated them all without distinction. Other times he just hated the crying girl but he adored the boy because he read Bukowski. At other times he still felt tenderness towards the child and hated the boy who, completely absorbed in reading, did not care about her. Often the same things that one day made her feel calm, another were those that made her nervous. Like when she happened to sit next to someone whose music was so loud that she too could hear the songs: there was the day when she was happy because at least she wasn’t forced to make conversation and the day when she imagined she was pulling away earphones to the victim and stamp them under his feet. In general, however, she always limited herself to mentally cursing and throwing only a few fiery looks on days when she was feeling particularly angry. “You’re always angry,” her sister commented when she confided certain thoughts to her. Was it true? Possible. Yet it hadn’t always been like that. She remembered perfectly when she worked in the village bookshop, which she reached astride her Graziella: they paid her little, made her work more hours than she had to and preferred to ignore the fact that she had a degree. And yet, during that time she had been peaceful. Could it be that just taking the means could change a person’s mood? Or even his character? He didn’t want this. Maybe he would look for another job, closer to home. Or maybe she would have bought herself a motorbike and would have arrived at the office like that, with her hair crushed by the helmet and her fingers withered by the cold. Oh no, it wasn’t feasible. He leaned his head against the window, closing his eyes as the girl beside him chewed loudly. No, maybe it was better to keep doing as he was doing. It wasn’t that bad after all.

EDUCATING MEN

Educating men. The problem is that women who bring up their children are often anaffective, natcisist, ambivalent and selfish. In recent times in many families the woman is an example of unbridled materialism, hunger for success and extreme narcissism. Many children are literally abandoned to their grandparents or uncles because the young parents are busy in their hectic life on social media. Mothers who are divided between videos on instagram and tik tok, sitting in beauty centers and running for shopping. Fathers glued to chats where they sneak up on half-naked girls, looking for the most daring encounters. So what can children receive from these individuals taken only by themselves and their selfish desires? They do not receive any affection and therefore as soon as they find someone to attach themselves to they become possessive and obsessive. Because for them that woman becomes the center of their world that has been empty. And when the woman becomes aware of such oppressive feelings, it is too late. And if by chance he tries to leave the man, he will take revenge in a negative way. So these men who grew up with absent mothers become too present and pressing. Mothers themselves create these insensitive monsters. Mothers themselves no longer know how to educate their children because they are busy advertising themselves. And the cases of femicides increase because there are so many children who grow up mistreated and rejected by narcissistic mothers. What have women become? Materialistic and obsessed with success. Unfortunately, the cause of a bad education of males is the women themselves. 😟

BEING STRONG

One morning you wake up and just at the exact moment that fraction of a second just before setting your foot on the ground you understand what you really want, what are you willing to put up with and what not, what or who are you willing to put aside because the thing is to One way street… And everything that crushed you until the night before, made you sick becomes the past. Important and non-erasable part of your life, but past. Something you don’t want to hear anymore. There is a greater awareness of who we are and what we want. The road ahead will be long and often difficult, but having chosen ourselves for once and not others will make us feel better. People will never stop judging every step you take, without wondering why you are doing it, or for the person you are inside, they can only see what they want to see without really looking at you. You may be the coldest person on this planet, but do you really want to hide behind a mask to look strong? Is it really so important to show yourself for what you are not? Do you really think you are that strong? We all have weaknesses, fears, insecurities, but we are never alone. Someone tried to reach out to you to help you, why didn’t you take it? You think you can handle everything by yourself don’t you? But is not so. Nobody is alone in this world, you have to get help from someone, you can’t carry all the problems on your shoulders, friends, family, a point of reference, it helps not to keep all the load on your shoulders, let someone take a little ‘weight off your shoulders, you will feel lighter. For me, being strong is like an armor that over time, through mistakes and experiences, you learn to fortify. Being strong is also understanding, for example when a situation repeats itself several times, you learn to manage it and not feel bad about it, when people disappoint you several times, you learn to know how to behave should it happen again, without spending too much time cursing you. I do not consider myself a totally strong person, we all have moments when weakness makes us fall .. you are never completely strong, emotions are too strong feelings to make you feel “invincible”. I don’t always feel strong, it also depends on the topic, but I try.

WE’RE ANIMALS

It’s just a question of survival. Just this. There is nothing else. All with the same purpose. Nothing is really what it seems. Looking for someone. Find someone. And then endure, suffer and suffer for work, for food, for children, for something wrong, because there is always something wrong. Why don’t you eat with love. What life would this be? We might as well tear ourselves apart like wolves instead of gradually wounding ourselves in the same place. If there is no food, the aggression of human beings comes out. If no resources are found, we all become ferocious wolves. We are animals and not evolved beings. We are still guided by our biology. We have hormones that make us do things we later regret. But we can’t cancel these hormones. Animals adapt better than humans. They don’t have to match clothes or wear makeup. They just need to show mane or feathers. They don’t have to get hold of various trappings to show their role. Human beings waste a lot of energy to earn money and show themselves in a certain way. And the whole is built. I mean that animals show what they have naturally had. Human beings, on the other hand, show what they got with money. The adaptation is therefore more complicated because it requires the use of more resources. Human beings rely on beauty but women choose money. If we put Briatore and any handsome young man with him would you choose? Briatore. Many guys recently call themselves Incel and have focused on their ugliness as a yardstick for their failure with women. But they did not understand that women look at money and not at the face. If a man shows up in a fancy suit or expensive car and designer clothes and a lot of money rest assured that most of the girls will say okay. The girls of this generation obviously, because that of the previous generation were satisfied with a man with a steady job. Now, however, the girls want the absolute rich.

I WAS AN ABUSED CHILD

I have been abused since I was only 4 years old and I still don’t know if it was someone from my family (uncle, cousin, grandfather, or friend of the family) and therefore my happiness was taken away from me so quickly that all theories and ideas of world are not enough to bring my soul back to life. I also went through years of therapy, but you will understand that undergoing such bad things as a child destroyed my inner world. I saved myself, thanks to my imagination and creativity. I have never had help from anyone and even if I always do good in return I always receive evil. I don’t believe in happiness. It is a harmful and illusory world. 

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

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I would like to see the waves of the sea again. I would like to be a child again and play with sand. I would like to believe I have a nice future. and my fathfather and my past. I lost all of my past. I feel empty. I can’t wish for anything but the sea and its strong smell and the smell of fried fish that my mother cooked and it was beautiful. and it was a simple and beautiful life. I would like that life again.er helping me make the sand castle. but all this is over. I didn’t lose a boyfriend. I’ve lost my life. I’ve lost my hope to go away from here.  I ask help to other women but feminist are ghosts now? Yes, feminist are ghosts.

HOUSEWORKS

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the work that women do at 
home is not valued. 
every woman has to arrange,
 tidy up, do laundry and cook 
for her family, besides the work
 she does outside the home.
 but this work at home is often
 done only by the mother. 
children do not even contribute 
because they study and think 
that this housework should be 
done by their mother. 
the father cares and never 
contributes. we are in 2019 
and in most of the European 
states and in America and in the
 rest of the world women are
L obliged to manage the house 
and do all these things for 
women. so often they have no 
time for themselves and neglect 
their passions. 
become frustrated and unhappy.
 husbands and children don't care
 if a mother is sick.
 they spend all their time on 
social media and don't care if 
their mother is unhappy.
 often women do not even have 
friends or friends and here 
they keep everything inside 
themselves and the disease is
 neglected. until they decide 
to leave suddenly and disappear 
or throw themselves into some risky 
extramarital affair. 
women living in big cities can turn 
to some association that helps them. 
but women living in small towns 
have no help.

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