THE CAGE

I always keep myself so consistent with my words, too! As if my words were my thoughts, unique and immobile. It’s like saying things out loud, or writing them (to anyone), locks me in a cage. From that moment on, I can’t get rid of the terrible thought that by doing something that (even if only apparently) contradicts what I said, it makes me attackable, because I hate it, I mean being attacked, even if I knew how to defend myself, I avoid doing it, I don’t have I never stimulate him to do so, and so I let things slip away, I laugh, I always laugh. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve ever had a real laugh, but real seriously I mean! Laughing has become the alternative to everything: getting angry, screaming, talking, crying, and who knows how much else … The cage that I have now doesn’t let you see much light, it’s so thick and dark, ah, if at least it were colored! Instead it is black, very black. I am imprisoned with my words, which I have reserved for a few, but even those few should not have made me speak, because words do not bounce off certain people, but are absorbed by them, I cannot get this idea out of my head and tortures me. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore, I don’t want to feel the need anymore, which is already a very small need, but I still often give in! If I really want freedom, I have to be alone with myself, I have to escape from anyone and anything, to find an isolated but beautiful place, all mine but nobody’s. And instead this miserable existence of mine will continue in the worst of the chessboards, and I will always be on the corner, ignored, but I will always feel in the center, derided and observed, unable to move, motionless and sad.

STORY OF A GRANDMOTHER

"Grandma, I can't stand a person."

"Bless her, my child. Because she is showing you parts of yourself that you cannot accept. You see them reflected in her. They hurt you, like blades entering your depth, because it is the only way to attract your attention. Thanks to you can see that person and integrate them into you. "

"Should I bless those who can't stand?"

"That's right! Everything that happens outside of you is a mirror of your inner self. It is showing you the way to enrich yourself more and more. Change your way of thinking about life. Fly high with your mind: look for the symbol, the meaning that your emotion has come to carry you, begin to see every person you meet in your path as a reflection of parts of you. Don't waste time on stupid complaints, superficial chatter and the usual prejudices. You have a treasure to find. Every time. your energies in this great task! "

"What an effort, grandmother ..."

"It is more tiring to stop complaining. And carry it like a burden, day after day. It immobilizes you, takes away precious energy, hinders you. Become a hunter of meaning. Go beyond people, facts, news."

"I do not know how to do it..."

"There is only one teacher who can guide you in this. You will never find it outside of you. It is your feeling. Your annoyance, your well-being, your anger ... are messengers of your Truth."

"And how do I integrate the parts of me that I don't welcome?"

"Respect what you feel, celebrate it, lift it up. Every emotion is sacred: if you can glimpse even a minimum of richness, the rest will come by itself. You will have new eyes, able to see beyond any wall. They are the eyes of your soul. ! "

ALL IS FULL OF LOVE

As you read, think. Think about every single word, every single sentence you have read. You are young. You need to live. You need to understand that being crazy about someone is absurd. People make mistakes, we are human, it is normal. Forgive and forget. Don’t lose a friend because something happened, forgive him. Forget about their mistakes, you want the same if it happens to you. If you like someone, tell them. You don’t know what could happen to him. It’s bad to talk about this, but it’s the truth. People die every day, every minute, every second. You will never know it. Have fun, dance in public, sing with all your lungs, don’t hold back in laughter, don’t hold back a smile. Dress how you want, not how others want. Be free, don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Say what’s in your head, tell all your thoughts, free your opinions, you should never go unheard. Live your life as much as you can because you will never know what can happen. You just don’t know.
I don’t know how to replace people, even if they hurt me. Disappointed. I let them go, I go on with my life, I go on. I don’t look for them anymore, I make myself strong because I know it’s right. And when after the ninetieth time I say enough, I don’t go back. I make new friends, I fall in love again, but it hardly happens, but no one will ever be able to replace them, because the emotions I felt with them cannot be imitated. People don’t replace each other. What I had with them I cannot have back with anyone else, nor can I expect it from anyone else. And when I wish things had gone differently, I think of the memories that bound me to them and I know that no one can ever separate me from them.
I don’t want someone by my side to fill a void inside me. I want someone to tell about my day without feeling a burden, talk about my passions without feeling boring, show my weaknesses and dark moments without feeling out of place. Love hurts, they say. But it hurts when you don’t love the same way. Or when one of the two doesn’t love at all. At that point, every action must be measured, thought, weighed. Because the sensitivity of those who (perhaps presumptuously, humanly speaking?) Only want a little love: a daily caress on the heart, a beautiful word whispered in the ear, a smile that involves the whole face.
Words come to life on their own at night.
It is easier to find them,
to feel them in your mind.
It is as if they emerge from the depths of me,
free, insistent.
The best speeches,
the clearest, most linear thoughts,
or conversely, the most intense,
children of a feeling that is difficult to master.
The letters that get lost or confused during the day become autonomous, walk, come out into the open.
I like this quiet,
I love this silence.
It tastes good.
Clean.
Of poetry.

FRAGILE SOULS

Sometimes I stop to think … I find myself lying on the mattress staring at the ceiling and reflect. I think a lot, maybe too much, and we know that too much is good, unfortunately it’s part of me and I just can’t avoid it, it’s as if it were an unconditional reflection. I think back to everything, everyone, I think back to everything that made me feel good but also to everything that made me suffer. Today I went to bed with tears in my eyes and a weight on my chest and I think it’s one of the most unpleasant sensations in the world, you know? When you just want to sleep and switch off your brain, but you get so sick that you just mull over what doesn’t work. I interpret it as psychological torture: to suffer for something, and to feel even more hurt after thinking about it intensely for hours. What an unpleasant feeling of oppression. Oppressed by their own feelings, rather than by people. It is strange to think how something apparently abstract, such as emotions, can alienate you from the totality of the world for an indefinite period of time. It’s almost scary to think we’re so vulnerable, but it’s part of life after all … If it were too simple, it probably wouldn’t be worth it.

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