I HAD ANOTHER BLOG

My blog was born as an artistic space but nobody cares about art. I also had a blog with all my works but it didn’t matter to anyone. I also said that I would burn my paintings but no feminist or association said a word. I have no friend or I would have given them all as a gift, as I did some time ago. I never wanted to make money with my art. For me it was just a way to vent my pain. And also my paintings and all the things I did. Now I’m tired of creating useless things. Nobody cares about my life. I could be dead and no one would notice. People got bored with me. My German Shepherd puppy gives me more satisfaction than a lot of fake people. There was a user who wrote to me that “HUMAN GENDER IS GOING TOWARDS A POSITIVE EVOLUTION” So then he called me a pessimist. So apparently it is only I who now see the human disaster where it has come. Maybe everyone else is blind. So I take a step back and leave all this scum to their positive evolution and I step aside and think about my own business. It is not a defeat but every now and then you have to take a break. What I was doing was important to you, to me and to some haggard whore. For the rest, everyone was there to comment with monosyllables and smilies at the end. No dialogue. See, this is my trouble. I am sociable, still too sociable, and I expect to have a dialogue with people. But some believe me to be superb, pretentious, dominant. And all this because I had different life experiences from theirs. Then some when they know that I am not looking for money they almost consider it an affront. As if having money you can live well. On the other hand, they do not understand that inner well-being cannot be bought with money. I can have it all but I still don’t heal. My heart no longer exists. I live only for my son and my husband. Only for them. For me to exist or not to exist is the same. I don’t differentiate between life and death, they are just two different types of energy but the source is the same. I have lived with such strong emotions and even ecstasy you know, mystical ecstasy, seriously. And then? I have never used drugs, I have never taken anything, not even opiate drugs or psychiatric drugs. For my anxiety I use a simple tranquilizer, which I only lose if I have severe anxiety attacks. I have a very normal life: husband, son, dogs, cats, garden, swimming pool, vegetable garden, cellar, … I don’t drink and I don’t smoke. Never caught anything strange or poisonous. I have had friends who are alkist and sadistic artists as well as ordinary artists. My inspiration came only from my pain. My fantasy originated only from my pain. The pain of abuse lasts for a lifetime. I used my pain to do good to others. I am at peace with myself. I wanted to help other people but I couldn’t. If people want to listen to Chiara Ferragni’s advice, let them listen to her. People have the right to choose. I don’t want to save anyone anymore. What happens will happen. I had to stop in every sense. The pain resurfaced. There are bad dreams, bad things about my unconscious memories that come back to the surface. But I’ll be fine, I’ll continue to paint trying to keep the shadow of my executioner away. But I don’t want to talk to people anymore. They don’t deserve my words.

THE IMAGE OF WOMAN

The image of the woman is 
still used in advertisements 
to attract male attention. 
The image of the woman used to 
awaken the male desire on which
the world of marketing is based. 
we stayed on the same levels.
Even in the movies you often 
see a completely naked woman 
but you never see a completely
naked man.

WHY DO MEN ALLOW THAT?

Who we are? 
We are the ones who swallow 
tears in silence instead of 
sleeping. We swallow very 
bitter toads and sorrows 
that take away our hearts.
 We are the ones who must 
always resist and keep 
the hut upright.
 I am very tired of seeing 
that the years pass and women 
are still not adequately 
evaluated for what they 
do at home or away from home. 
I'm tired of men who want 
super-perfect and fascinating 
superhero women.
 I'm tired of hearing that so 
many women die every day and
 no man does anything.

why men do nothing to 
eliminate violence against 
women?
Yet they have mothers, sisters,
 wives, daughters, grandchildren. 
Why don't they struggle to prevent 
a woman from suffering or being 
killed?
Why don't they actively participate?

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

I would like to see the waves of the sea again. I would like to be a child again and play with sand. I would like to believe I have a nice future. and my fathfather and my past. I lost all of my past. I feel empty. I can’t wish for anything but the sea and its strong smell and the smell of fried fish that my mother cooked and it was beautiful. and it was a simple and beautiful life. I would like that life again.er helping me make the sand castle. but all this is over. I didn’t lose a boyfriend. I’ve lost my life. I’ve lost my hope to go away from here.  I ask help to other women but feminist are ghosts now? Yes, feminist are ghosts.

HOUSEWORKS

the work that women do at 
home is not valued. 
every woman has to arrange,
 tidy up, do laundry and cook 
for her family, besides the work
 she does outside the home.
 but this work at home is often
 done only by the mother. 
children do not even contribute 
because they study and think 
that this housework should be 
done by their mother. 
the father cares and never 
contributes. we are in 2019 
and in most of the European 
states and in America and in the
 rest of the world women are
L obliged to manage the house 
and do all these things for 
women. so often they have no 
time for themselves and neglect 
their passions. 
become frustrated and unhappy.
 husbands and children don't care
 if a mother is sick.
 they spend all their time on 
social media and don't care if 
their mother is unhappy.
 often women do not even have 
friends or friends and here 
they keep everything inside 
themselves and the disease is
 neglected. until they decide 
to leave suddenly and disappear 
or throw themselves into some risky 
extramarital affair. 
women living in big cities can turn 
to some association that helps them. 
but women living in small towns 
have no help.

WOMEN HANDICRAFT

some years ago I believed that
 female creativity and craftsmanship
 could give me satisfaction and help me
 with my family expenses. but afterwards
 I realized that I and all the other 
women we created all those beautiful 
things we were destined not to sell
 nullaxe and not to have any profit. 
the reason? the other women bought
 branded items, branded bags, branded 
clothes and branded jewels. 
all things produced in factories 
where donbe are exploited themselves.
 but it didn't matter that we said 
that female creativity is important.
 every artisan who had a blog closed 
it after a while. every creative woman
 looked for a job in the factory. 
husbands and boyfriends believed and 
still believe that female craftsmanship 
has no market. and they are right. 
in fact many artisans have stopped 
creating. I'm throwing everything out
 today. because this company does not 
value women's manual skills. 
I'm tired of being considered unproductive.
( things in the basket are my creativity stuff and now I'm

I'm throwing them in the garbage)
)

A WRONG EDUCATION

since childhood a child is educated
 so that she becomes a young lady 
and that she can have a husband and
 have children. a child is educated 
to endure so many unpleasant feelings. 
she is also educated to cook, clean,
 and do everything a man expects from her.
 no account is taken of what a child has 
inside her. but his childhood is violated 
with expectations that are necessarily 
linked to a life submissive to a man.
 this is accentuated if the child is abused. 
then it will become passive, submissive, 
docile and dead.
a child's upbringing focuses on the inner
 death of her being so that she cannot rebel
 against any man.

when I was a child my grandmothers 
wanted me to think already of a 
boyfriend, marriage and my future 
as a mother. they gave me dolls 
that looked like babies.
and they wanted me to learn to 
feed and dress them and treat them 
like real babies.
and for me all this was very strange. 
I wanted to play with children, 
I liked their Lego cars. 
but my mother scolded me.
forced me to wear clothes with 
little flowers. he wanted me to always 
have long hair. he wanted me to be good 
and kind. because this was the kind 
of woman men wanted.
but I didn't understand anything 
about couple relationships. 
I loved helicopters and planes.
but the tradition had to be inculcated 
in my head. and I rebelled and argued 
with my mother. as a girl I didn't want 
to wear makeup. my favorite colors were
 those for painting. but she was always 
angry with me and made me feel wrong.