DISASTER

And then there are days when you can’t keep your thoughts at bay, the most hidden, the deepest and the worst. They go out like this, suddenly, when you least expect it, maybe while you are singing a song in the car at the top of your lungs with your friends, while you walk, study, drive, while you kiss your boyfriend, they can go out like this, without warning, wake up or reminder to hold and take your head and heart hostage indefinitely. And you are there, helpless, you let yourself be enveloped by these paranoia and you bind yourself to them as if they were certainties. They don’t make you sleep, they don’t make you eat or they make you overeat, they make you feel blame for who you are and what you are not. And you stay there, you listen to them like a mantra that repeats itself in a loop in your head. After all, you cannot escape from yourself.

NOSFERATU

I am not even 30 years old, but in this life span millions of people have passed in front of me. Some of them were dance and drinking companions for a night and I never saw them again, others accompanied me for a short journey of my journey, some of them are simply acquaintances and still others are friends. I spent my life in the midst of people, I saw the thousand facets, the particularity of each one and I still believed I had "understood" it. Then by pure chance I know a person, we've never seen each other, never spent time together, I don't know his expressions, we hardly even know the tone of our voices, we write to each other. We talk a lot and I am amazed. I found qualities never seen before, I discovered sincere and disinterested listening and kindness. A whole life in the midst of people and never anyone who was able to really look at me and then a person arrives behind a screen and manages to read my soul, gave me hope, carefree, courage and the desire to fight. This post will surely be read by him too, so I wanted to take the opportunity to thank him with a phrase taken from the text of "The Messenger by Linkin Park" .. When life leaves us blind, love makes us kind, it keeps us kind.

ENIGMA

ENIGMA ... Why this word?

Don't you ever think that in the end life is like a huge question?
A question to which there is no exact answer
or a wrong answer ..
A question to which each one of us gives an answer,
but without having the possibility of being certain
whether that answer is correct or incorrect.
At some point you realize how in all the years you've been through,
you have done nothing but ask yourself questions ..
To improve yourself or maybe to help some friends
or for anything else.
It's always a question ...

STOP BEING A HUMAN BEING

We fell asleep in one world, and woke up in another.
Suddenly Disney is out of magic,
Paris is no longer romantic,
New York no longer stands up,
the Chinese wall is no longer a fortress, and the prairie is empty.
Hugs and kisses suddenly become weapons, and not visiting parents and friends becomes an act of love.
Suddenly you realize that power, beauty and money are worthless and cannot get you the oxygen you are fighting for.
The world continues its life and it is beautiful. It only puts humans in cages. I think it's sending a message to every human being: “You don't need to. The air, the earth, the water and the sky are fine without you. When you return, remember that you are my guests. Not my masters ”.

When the epidemic ends, it cannot be ruled out that there are those who will not want to return to their previous life. Awareness of the fragility and transience of life will spur men and women to set new priorities. To better distinguish between what is important and what is futile. To understand that time – and not money – is the most precious resource. Who, being able, will leave a job that for years has suffocated and oppressed him. Who decides to leave the family, to say goodbye to their spouse or partner. To give birth to a child, or not to want children. To come out. There will be those who will begin to believe in God and those who will stop believing in him. There will be those who, for the first time, will question the choices made, the sacrifices, the compromises. On the loves that he did not dare to love. About the life he didn’t dare to live. Men and women will wonder why they waste their lives on relationships that cause them bitterness. There will also be those who will revise their political views, based on anxieties or values ​​that will disintegrate during the epidemic. There will be those who will doubt the reasons that lead a people to fight against an enemy for generations, to believe that war is inevitable. It is possible that an experience as hard and profound as the one we are living leads someone to reject nationalistic positions, for example, everything that divides us, alienates us, leads us to hate, to barricade ourselves.

The speed of the contagion of our change scares me.
The virulence of the spread of our fear terrifies me.
Tremble at the sound of the doorbell.
Startled at the sight of someone on the street.
Start thinking about life before, a first that has recently passed.
Hiding from the world, finally safe inside these empty and silent rooms.
But are we really that powerful?
But are we really that capable?
Resilient?
Changing?
Are we really so capable of forgetting?
What was it, who were we?
Because if so, really so, we can sleep peacefully and even dream that everything will be fine.
Because if so, really so, we can hope and smile confidently looking at the starless night from a still lit window.
Because if it is so, really so, one day, that day, we will go out on the street running without being afraid of being afraid of the other.
If so, that day, we will suddenly remember.
And, suddenly, we will recover from this disease.
We will be so powerful that we will embrace each other without shaking.
And then, only then, will we finally be healed.

STORY OF THE BEST FRIENDS

I saw you again and I didn’t come to meet you. You were my best friend and now I don’t even know who you are anymore, I don’t know what you do, I don’t know if you’re engaged, I don’t know if you cry, I don’t know if you and your mother have made peace. We said goodbye in silence, when I greeted you I knew it would be for the last time. Nobody, you know, has ever said goodbye to me without my knowing it before, maybe I pretended not to, but I knew very well when the end had begun. It was with you when I told you that I had met a man and in the following months I have not cried for any quarrel I had with him. I didn’t call you to tell you he was a jerk, as he usually did. When you asked me how he was doing with him, I replied that it was okay, that for once, I had nothing to tell. I didn’t have the classic stories from “he didn’t call me and then I didn’t call him either and now we haven’t heard from each other for days”. It’s okay, I told you. It’s not possible, you replied. You believed that my good was also fiction, that I was lying to myself, that it was not me and I agreed with you “you will see that one day we would be here talking about it, about yet another man with mental disorders that I had”. But the days turn into months. And the months became twelve. And in that year I changed, changed for him you insinuated, my red hair had become blonde, my clothes were completely different. And instead, if we were still friends, you would have had proof of how wrong you were. You would have seen me buy six bottles of shower gel with the smell he hates, because it doesn’t matter, I like them. You would have seen me save money for a tattoo that he didn’t call too good. You would have known that when he told me he prefers blond I went to get myself a copper red tint. You would have known that I have a skirt that he defines as an old woman. I have always remained of the opinion that the best shopping you can do is with a friend. You never understood that he would never take your place. You did not understand that if they had asked me which “forever” I believed, I would have answered, without a doubt, between two friends and not between two boyfriends. I really believed in it when I told you that I wanted to share a house with you, so similar to me. And a thousand times I told you that if you wanted to talk over a coffee, Saturday would never be sacred to me. I would never have been the one of “I can’t on Saturdays” but “now we organize ourselves”. We had been friends for ten years and no man would ever replace that friendship. But you decided it wasn’t true and I have too much dignity to beg for love and friendship from a person who doesn’t want me anymore. And so gradually, our conversations became colder, almost circumstantial. I never looked for you and you did the same to me. The worst of clichés. But I don’t forget and I will never be mad at you. I will be nostalgic. There have been too many good things between us to make me angry. There are calls that lasted hours, I was on my cell phone, I hate it, so much alone with you. There have been whole afternoons at the Castello Sforzesco, walking through the park in autumn, not knowing how to dress in spring, complaining about the heat and then watching the snow. For years, many years. I saw you cut your long hair into short and then regret it. I felt you tired with a job that took you all day and I was close to you when you were without a job and you felt sad. I saw you in love with a wrong man and I didn’t tell you anything, I waited for you to notice. I would have been there. We spent the New Year in a taxi because, as usual, we had made up our minds on what to do at the last minute. We spent another New Year among the people and the following New Year instead at your house watching movies. You were there when they told me on the phone that my fears were correct and that he was cheating on me. You saw me change, not a man, you saw me completely lost after my first relationship and then you saw me completely lucid and merciless at the umpteenth relationship gone bad. You were there with me in the disco and you were there when our evenings became quieter and the evening ended with an aperitif and it was no longer going on all night. It was you, not a man. No boyfriend would take your place. I didn’t come to meet you because I didn’t want to destroy what was left of you.

STORY OF A PRINCESS AND A DRAGON

Once upon a time, in a far away country, there was a dragon. A dragon like many others at first glance but you will soon understand that something about him was different.
Like any self-respecting dragon, it spit flames and like other dragons, it was covered with scales to armor it and "armed" with claws to attack and defend itself. But he wasn't as fierce and aggressive as he seemed to see him. Unpredictable perhaps.
It had almost a human soul, along with an animal one.
One day, an evil witch, for lack of more talented dragons, had to rely on him to guard a beautiful princess kidnapped in a nearby kingdom. The witch imprisoned the beautiful princess and put the dragon to guard the tower prison so that no one could approach her.
The dragon swore to the evil witch that no knight or prince would ever take that princess away with him, at the cost of his own life. And it didn't seem true to the dragon that he had a beautiful princess to defend and take care of. "Just me, thought the dragon, as unpredictable and out of the ordinary as I am!" His mind immediately began to dream of the battles he would have fought against untamed knights.
The first morning, upon awakening, the princess turned to him sweetly: "Good morning dragon, will you be watching over me then?"The dragon, hearing those words and for the first time that enchanting sound of the voice, was silent. Almost petrified. He was unable to utter a single word. He felt for the first time something between his throat and stomach, a melancholy he had never felt up to that moment. She was beautiful! Her sweetness was something she didn't believe could have existed. There was nothing so beautiful.
Thus began a beautiful story between the dragon and the princess. Time passed and a harmony was created between them that at times seemed inexplicable, also due to the nature of their being.
Weeks and months went by. Dragon and princess became friends. No, much more than friends. They felt it themselves, but neither of them had the courage to confide it to the other. On the other hand, it was a fairy tale and dragon and princess cannot live together. They both didn't quite understand this feeling and where it might lead them.
The dragon waited anxiously for the morning, only to see the princess open her eyes and hear that sweet "Good morning dragon ..."
They joked, laughed, played and talked. Yes, they talked a lot and about everything. Of what their past had been and how they imagined their future. But while the princess dreamed of a life with a prince, because the fairy tale wanted that, the dragon dreamed of it with her. Poor dragon, he had fallen madly in love ...
"Certainly not, thought the dragon, otherwise why in her dreams, am I not there?" It certainly did not take a witch, who read in a crystal ball, to know that this princess could not be his. She was destined for a prince.
But he dreamed and his dreams kept him alive. He knew it was a matter of time and that one day, someone would come and try to take her away!
Unfortunately, this was the reality. Or rather, fairytales and society are this and the poor dragon knew it. He knew he was determined, ready for anything, but perhaps not so strong to stop the knight he would have to face sooner or later in a duel. He was afraid of losing her. Fear that that day would come. Let him come who would snatch it from him.He had mentioned this to the princess, because he did not want to see her suffer and did not want to lose her: “Look, not all knights turn out to be princes. Especially in the soul and heart. Many assume only their appearance. They wear masks and shining armor, they prove themselves good, they write letters with trite phrases, thoughts felt and copied from the minds of other knights. And are you sure that a prince will be able to make you really happy? "
The princess looked down, but she felt she wanted her knight, her prince. She was convinced that this would be her great love, despite the fact that the dragon gave her all the security and happiness she needed. But which she evidently believed was not enough.
And that day came. That knight arrived in front of the princess's tower, that knight he had feared so much. That knight ready to challenge him and take away the princess, who, looking out of the tower window, was finally happy. He noticed it. And he saw his eyes full of joy greet that knight!
Why, thought the dragon, why is he so happy to run away with a stranger? Why didn't her eyes look at me the same way? Why didn't he believe in my love? " A series of questions that he could not answer and now there was not even time to think. He had to fight and enforce the oath made to the witch! He realized that he was ready to die in order not to see her go away with someone else. Also because his heart would have died anyway.
For the first time, the dragon found himself in a fight. It really should be said that he fought like a dragon, with fire, claws and tail swings! But nothing to do, the knight's sword and shield made the difference and, in the end, the dragon had to succumb to his opponent. But it was not the wounds inflicted by the knight that hurt him so much, but seeing the princess running towards him, hugging and kissing the stranger.
Nothing was comparable to the pain he would never want to feel again. No physical suffering could have come close to that experienced at that moment.
But fairytales are like that. He was the dragon destined to perish and she, the princess destined for her brave knight. And he, poor dragon, was certainly no exception.
Now the days followed one another, sad, and the poor dragon was now defending a tower without a princess. There was no moment when he didn't think about her and how she was spending her time. He hoped he would come back. At least once in a while, to alleviate his absence, even if it was "just" a simple dragon. She would have liked to better explain all her love to him. Those words that he had never been able to say completely. Until the end. It would have been enough for him to hear even his "Good morning" in the morning. And to see those beautiful eyes open to be a happy dragon. But she wanted more. The company and love of a dragon would not have been enough for her.
He had lost all hope of seeing her when one day, from a distance, he saw her on the path that led to the tower. It was her!!! He couldn't hold back the joy. She had come back to him !! Little did he care that she was gone, he was too happy to think about it. He had already forgiven her even before he saw her! He took off and reached her making her climb gently on her back, laying down on the ground.She walked over to him, and hugged him tightly. Nothing could be like that embrace and nothing could be more powerful. He didn't understand what was happening to him, but he felt a strange liquid leaking from his eyes. He had heard of "tears", but he wasn't sure they were those, because they said they only came out of his eyes when he was sick. And he was happy instead! He was the happiest dragon in the world !! Of one thing he was sure, those tears would be able to put out even the mightiest flames of any dragon in the Shire.
She hugged him again. For many more times after that day.
The princess told the dragon what happened and how different that knight had been. The dragon held her tight and over time trained to become even stronger and to protect her from other knights who would come in front of the tower to take her away. The next day, he saw her still a little sad, he hugged her and said:
“I will never be a knight or a prince, but I swear that I will give you all of myself, and I swear that I will always be there for you and that you will always have a place in this tower to feel at home. Yes, of course, this tower will never be a palace or a castle and I will never be a prince, but what I will give you, no one else, will ever be able to give you. This is the only thing I can promise you my princess! "
She hugged him tightly and again that liquid substance came out of the dragon's eyes. And for a moment, he was pretty sure the princess had wet eyes too. The princess was different now, she seemed to worry about "her" dragon and with every winged reconnaissance turn, she would tell him: "Be careful, come back soon." And he was happy with those words. Happy that "his" princess cared about him.Their life flowed together, joking, laughing and talking about everything. The dragon knew that he was not in the princess's dreams and that perhaps there never would be. But he was happy anyway. Glad she was there with him.
It all lasted until another knight arrived.
And everything was repeated as the previous time. The fight, the pain of the dragon, she who goes away with him, he who was not what he seemed to be and ... She who returns to him again and hugs him.
And so it happened for other times. She slowly began to realize that no knight was as beautiful as her dragon and that no one would ever love her so much. He believed he was finally happy. But not completely. Until, he came ... Well, he was different from the other knights. He had a white horse, he was handsome, blond hair and blue eyes, just like his suit. Yes, it was him. It was prince charming. The one feared by all the dragons in the world.
The princess saw him from the window of her tower and was immediately struck, fascinated. He was not like the others, and this the dragon immediately warned him.
The dragon was afraid of losing her, just like the first time. He knew that if he was defeated, he certainly would never see her again. This was a prince, he was not like the other knights.And then, he turned that fear of hers into anger. He fought with all his strength and, the prince, never would have believed in his life to fight against a dragon so strong and fearsome. It almost seemed like she had something personal with him. The dragon pleaded with him: “Go away !! She is my princess! Don't take it away from me! Get out!! You won't love her half of what I love her and you won't give her half the attention I will! "
The prince could see the anger in the dragon's eyes, his fear of losing the princess. It was an incredible duel. Both arrived exhausted, but as in all respected fairy tales, even in this one, the prince was victorious and the dragon defeated. The beautiful princess went away with her prince, this time not before looking one last time at that dragon lying on the ground, exhausted from the fight. The dragon felt as though his heart had been ripped out. And this time, looking into her eyes again, he was sure he saw a tear streak down the princess's face as she looked at him for the last time. The dragon, with the last strength he had left, took and flew away, to hide his tears.
After several years, the dragon is no longer the witch's slave and watches over her princess, prince and their son from afar. He will always watch over them and especially her. About that woman who could not live and who, like in fairy tales, was destined for another life.Now I could conclude this story with the prince and princess who "... and lived happily ever after". No, because this is not a fairy tale like any other. And happiness is not enclosed in a "happily ever after". Happiness is something else.
And the princess noticed it too, every day that passed and every evening at sunset, when she left her castle for a moment. She looked at the horizon, while a tear streaked her beautiful face, always hoping to be able to see that dragon to which she had given her heart and with that dream of being kidnapped by her only love. The Dragon! She who is now sure that she has always loved him, but that all the fairy tales of this world have always prevented her from doing.

RUNAWAY

In short, rich or poor, sooner or later you will be plagued by this uselessness of time. You will be bored by your work, by friends, by husbands, wives, or lovers, by the view from the window of your home, from the furniture or upholstery of your room, from your thoughts, from yourself. Consequently, you will be looking for escape routes. Aside from the tools of self-gratification mentioned above, perhaps you will begin to change jobs, residences, friendships, country, climate; perhaps you will indulge in sexual promiscuity, alcohol, travel, cooking lessons, drugs, psychoanalysis. In fact, you could put all these things together; and for a while the combination could work. Until, of course, you wake up in your room with a new family and a different wallpaper, in another state, in another climate, with a lot of bills to pay to your travel agent or psychoanalyst, yet with the same prohibits the sensation of the daylight that spreads to the window. And you will put on your slippers only to find that those are not the most suitable footwear to escape from what you recognize as familiar. And depending on your temperament or age, you will panic or resign yourself to familiarity with that feeling, or, once more, you will go through the process of change.

STORY OF TWO MIRRORS

Once upon a time there was an old sage sitting on the edge of an oasis at the entrance to a city in the Middle East.
A young man came up and asked him:
“I've never come this way. What are the inhabitants of this city like? "
The man replied in turn with a question:
"What were the inhabitants of the city you came from?"
“Selfish and bad. This is why I was happy to leave there ”.
“So are the inhabitants of this city!”, Replied the old sage.
Soon after, another young man approached the man and asked him the same question:
“I just arrived in this country. What are the inhabitants of this city like? "
The man replied again with the same question:
"What were the inhabitants of the city you come from?".
“They were good, generous, hospitable, honest”.
“Even the inhabitants of this city are like that!”, Replied the old sage.
A merchant who had brought his camels to water had overheard the conversations and when the second young man left he addressed the old man in a reproachful tone:
“How can you give two completely different answers to the same question asked by two people?
“My son”, replied the wise man, “each one carries in his heart what is within himself.
Anyone who has not found anything good in the past will not find anything good here either.
On the contrary, he who had loyal friends in the other city will also find loyal and faithful friends here.
Because, you see, every human being is led to see in others what is in his heart.

In life you always find what you expect to find .. because everyone projects outside what resides within himself.

HOT LIKE THE SNOW

“Be the anomaly.
The aberration.
The error.
The inconvenience.
The diversity.
The indecipherable data.
Let them shake their uniformed heads while watching you.
Let them be ashamed of you.
Let them be embarrassed.
Let them get angry. They will insult you.
You let them do it.
Let them make fun of you.
Let them point you.
Let them laugh.
Resist their mockery.
Be their victim, their laughing stock.
Be a resounding failure in their eyes.
A tiger does not lose sleep by caring for what sheep think.
Go on.
Be the scar on their way of seeing things and their normality. They will hate you.
They will fear you. They will want to be like you ”.
Resilience is the strength of people who, despite being injured, consider themselves not victims but users of their own resources and are preparing to recover the resources necessary to face the future with planning hope. The word resilience (from the Latin resiliere, to bounce) in physics indicates the property of materials to return to their original shape after having suffered a blow. In sociology and psychology it highlights the human capacity to overcome the difficulties of life with elasticity, vitality, energy, ingenuity. Resilience is the ability to face risk factors, to get up after a crisis, stronger and more ingenious than before: it is the ability to overcome the injustices of life without succumbing.
Do you know what the truth is?
That people fight only for themselves.
Yet the best wars are those that are fought for others, because there is the strength of an ideal, pure, and not of interest.
No one fought for me. I never understood what it meant to be strong, until I was left alone and now that I’m fighting the world I don’t need a hand from anyone, because the best enemy is someone I trust, but he will be the first to hit me from behind . So I realized being strong alone is the only solution.
The studies I have done
they will make you believe
that are all the grades taken at school,
I am the exam given
the debt to mathematics, the outdated thesis,
you will think I am the degree title
completed
the friends I've had
three little freedoms of my childhood
they'll make you think they know
where i come from, what have i done,
the fatal mistakes that I carry with me
and what rebellions
my ideal is composed
the car I drive
the clothes I choose
the premises in which I enter,
you will think they are excellent clues
to get to intuit
who I am
you will believe
that I am the flaws of my zodiac sign,
that besides the cheekbones, it also has all the qualities of my mother,
and that I think it
like the music I listen to
when heartbroken
I practice solitude in the bedroom
but what you glimpse of me
it is homeopathy of my experience
is a distillation of your imagination,
a tiny span of my infinity
served on the table of your little judgment
I am
everything
that you still can't see.

THIS FEELING

The thing I hate most is crying, which attacks you when you least expect it. You’re there doing something and suddenly your eyes are shiny again, what the hell, and you don’t understand how it happened. And the last thing you want is for someone to notice, because a second later they come to cuddle and chirp, and they want me to talk, and I’m really not into it. I close in on myself. I often get nervous and I take it out on myself a lot, because if my heart is shattered in one way or another it is also my fault. Thoughts crowd into your head, questions pile up, how do you try to answer one, no ten more pop up, it’s terribly hot, you can’t sleep, you are hoping for something unexpected but that won’t happen, as he opened his mouth to say one something, maybe even joking, all ready to judge and reproach you as soon as they have the opportunity, is a chain that will never end and that no one is able to break it. they are said and and tries to get by with the judgment of others. There would be so many more things to say but it would hurt both me and you too much.
I thought about leaving. Not to say anything to anyone, go to the station and take the first train. Escape without a trace, abandon everything and everyone. I wasn’t going to tell anyone where I was going, not even my mother. They would never find me again. I had a best friend of those who from one moment to the next they find themselves sharing everything, of those who then, growing up, at any moment disappear and you ask yourself: “Why?”. And she told me to stay good, she told me that there were no more people like me. But he was corrupt and felt dirty. Then I had little kittens as friends, and there were four of them like the Musketeers but I didn’t call them after them. Then one of them died, Trinity, strangled by a rope taken by the dog to play. The great walnut welcomed his sweet little soul. I will not forget msi her little mouse face. She was too young to die. I too was too young to die but he killed me anyway.
– Mom, I’m going out. -At this time? It’s three o’clock, where you think you’re going. – Don’t worry, I’m going to a friend’s house. Put something on, take your headphones and close the door. And where are you going now? You don’t know it, yet you walk aimlessly. Play the first song, bright eyes. Put the second, a tear. The third, you need to sit down, because standing up you can’t stand. And it hurts so bad, it destroys. Yet no one sees it, no one hears it, only you. Such a devastating thing for you, but indifferent to others. You get up, walk a bit. The tears are gone now, or so you think. A thousand thoughts go through your head. You look at the phone, no text, no call. Nobody cares about you, where you are from, if you are okay, despite everything. Nothing. You’re looking for a place to go, but you really just want a couple of arms to stay between. But you are alone, alone and devastated.

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