I keep feeling invisible. Everyday. I can’t do anything but smile like a fool, trying to convince myself that it can get better. But I already know that none of this will happen. And I’m afraid that this feeling that I have been feeling for months may last until the end of this year, perhaps leading me to exhaustion. I do not feel understood or listened to, for months I have been talking to the wall also demanding an answer, any reaction … A reaction that will never come, knowing those with whom I “speak” as a rule, too busy feeling important to even worry about why I respond badly to everyone in the morning. There is a reason, but they also ignore that. Could it be better? By now I have also lost hope in this. Fantastic.
Stuck here staring at a stupid temple with the intent of giving voice to thoughts. The room is cold, it is raining outside and the rumors go round … thought after thought, the inability to give him a sense of logic is now far away, it must have been the hard day. Is it true that when we are tired we tend to think about who we shouldn’t? Oh, him, my friend of adventures, capable of making you feel over the moon but just as low as to be afraid. What is it that troubles me? What is it that is stopping me? Will I regret it someday or will another sixth sense be successful? What if the famous train everyone talks about has already passed? How do I know if it’s not someone else who just wants to play with my heart? I don’t know, I just know that anxiety assails me at night, the constant fear of becoming too attached to me. Where is this love? I can’t see it, touch it, feel it, feel it, I can hear some words, but I can’t do anything about it with simple words. Crying for someone who would never cry for you what nonsense is this? Go from loving so much until you feel every stab. Too many thoughts for one mind, how does it hold them all?
You realize that you are really alone when you are crying and you start stroking your hair to calm down. I would like to disappear and no longer be found by anyone. I am immobile, I see life passing by in front of me I know I’m not paralyzed yet nothing about me wants to move. Something jumped. A fundamental pact between me and life. And I stay looking at it. I feel time slipping on my skin but that’s all I feel. An emotional squeeze from the heart gradually eases the whole body. And the blood turns black with ink. Obviously my hands move. I’m writing.

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