THIS FEELING

The thing I hate most is crying, which attacks you when you least expect it. You’re there doing something and suddenly your eyes are shiny again, what the hell, and you don’t understand how it happened. And the last thing you want is for someone to notice, because a second later they come to cuddle and chirp, and they want me to talk, and I’m really not into it. I close in on myself. I often get nervous and I take it out on myself a lot, because if my heart is shattered in one way or another it is also my fault. Thoughts crowd into your head, questions pile up, how do you try to answer one, no ten more pop up, it’s terribly hot, you can’t sleep, you are hoping for something unexpected but that won’t happen, as he opened his mouth to say one something, maybe even joking, all ready to judge and reproach you as soon as they have the opportunity, is a chain that will never end and that no one is able to break it. they are said and and tries to get by with the judgment of others. There would be so many more things to say but it would hurt both me and you too much.
I thought about leaving. Not to say anything to anyone, go to the station and take the first train. Escape without a trace, abandon everything and everyone. I wasn’t going to tell anyone where I was going, not even my mother. They would never find me again. I had a best friend of those who from one moment to the next they find themselves sharing everything, of those who then, growing up, at any moment disappear and you ask yourself: “Why?”. And she told me to stay good, she told me that there were no more people like me. But he was corrupt and felt dirty. Then I had little kittens as friends, and there were four of them like the Musketeers but I didn’t call them after them. Then one of them died, Trinity, strangled by a rope taken by the dog to play. The great walnut welcomed his sweet little soul. I will not forget msi her little mouse face. She was too young to die. I too was too young to die but he killed me anyway.
– Mom, I’m going out. -At this time? It’s three o’clock, where you think you’re going. – Don’t worry, I’m going to a friend’s house. Put something on, take your headphones and close the door. And where are you going now? You don’t know it, yet you walk aimlessly. Play the first song, bright eyes. Put the second, a tear. The third, you need to sit down, because standing up you can’t stand. And it hurts so bad, it destroys. Yet no one sees it, no one hears it, only you. Such a devastating thing for you, but indifferent to others. You get up, walk a bit. The tears are gone now, or so you think. A thousand thoughts go through your head. You look at the phone, no text, no call. Nobody cares about you, where you are from, if you are okay, despite everything. Nothing. You’re looking for a place to go, but you really just want a couple of arms to stay between. But you are alone, alone and devastated.

MY CATS COLLECTION ( part one)

All those I have loved, all those who have passed by my house, all those who have remained in my heart. Their memory will always be magical for me. I love all animals and even cats that I have been lucky enough to have with me at home or that have disappeared. I hope you who love cats can understand my nostalgia. I am allergic to cat hair and can no longer keep cats indoors. I keep them in the garden but every now and then they make their rounds and don't come back. My heart cries when I don't see them anymore but I always remember each one of them and my love will always be with them all. They were close to me when I cried, they comforted me, kept me company and supported me in difficult times. They have all been special and continue to be special to me.

PRINCIPESSA, my little whitesnow
TORTELLINO, my dear black cat
PERLA, the snob girl
PIMPY, my curious little kitten
PRINCE, my lost love
MARY AND PRINCE, together on my bed
MARY, on my sound set
PALLINO, my lovely little joker
MARY, loves my book very much

CATS IN MY GARDEN

  • I should take my cat as an example: he sees everything, but he does not let himself be upset by anything; it might sound like indifference, but I think it’s just immense wisdom. Yes, because a cat is fine alone, it is fully satisfied with itself, yet it deeply loves caresses, but above all it is not afraid to ask for it. And with great class he knows how to exploit every empty corner to obtain comfort. It is the perfect balance between curiosity and tranquility, between loneliness and company, love and selfishness: his is simple selfishness disguised as love … or maybe it’s pure love disguised as selfishness.
A Pet’s Last Will and Testament

Before humans die, they write their last will and testament, give their home and all they have to those they leave behind. If, with my paws, I could do the same, this is what I’d ask…

To a poor and lonely stray I’d give my happy home; my bowl and cozy bed, soft pillow and all my toys; the lap which I loved so much; the hand that stroked my fur; and the sweet voice that spoke my name.

I’d will to the sad, scared shelter pet the place I had in my human’s loving heart, of which there seemed no bounds.

So, when I die, please do not say, “I will never have a pet again, for the loss and pain is more than I can stand.”

Instead, go find an unloved pet, one whose life has held no joy or hope, and give my place to him.

This is the only thing I can give…

The love I left behind
I know that Nano will not live forever, I know that his time on earth, like everyone else, is limited. I know that I cannot work miracles, nor invent amazing cures, and that this cat has had HIV for years. I know that the past does not go back, and that the living organism of each of us deteriorates month by month, year after year, continuously. I have studied general pathology and biology, and I am now studying degenerative and infectious diseases and pathologies affecting internal organs. And even a child knows that at some point each of us will no longer be on this earth. However, no matter how much I think about it, and repeat it to me, and tell me that I must be prepared, that that moment will happen, in a day not far away, that it is nothing but the passing of life, the natural cycle of each one. our. It doesn’t matter that if I think about it clearly it’s all right, and it’s all scientific and sequential. Because as soon as I stop to really think about that day, and the lack of Nano from my life, and his non-presence, and the fact that he will be gone from that day until the end of my days, I feel like I’m dying. I feel an anguish so enormous, immense, atrocious, crushing and suffocating, that it seems to me that I too am dying a bit. It seems to me that I can no longer breathe, that my chest is heavy, that my pleurae are squeezing my lungs, that my mind is leaving me. It is an intolerable idea to remain without a part of my life and without a life partner as faithful as he has been over the years.
I know death, I have seen it several times during my internship. I saw life leave a creature: the exact, precise moment in which that animal was there, and the second after when everything stopped. Being and not being. The presence and absence of life, with no return. And every time, however absurd it is, it remains terrible. And the most terrible thing is that I will be alone even in that moment, because no one around me understands even remotely what he means to me, and what we have been all our life. Nobody will care, neither about him nor the pain that I already know will swallow me. And I just want someone who could give me a hug that day, or a sign of humanity and a shoulder to cry on. And instead there will be nothing but emptiness. And he, my shoulder to cry on, my little great strength, will be gone. I will be even more alone than now, alone even in elaborating the definitive absence of a feline brother whom I have loved more than many human people in my life. This time I’m really afraid of getting lost in too devastating a pain.

KITTENS ATTACK

I love cats. They are wonderful creatures and masters of life. They are curious and love adventure, but they also appreciate convenience. They know that lounging and sleeping are basic pleasures in life. They enjoy the moment. Cats are both funny and graceful at the same time.
Cats are magical animals. They are the keepers of our home and help keep negative energies away. Their purrs massage our heart. Their discreet proximity is for us a medicine without contraindications, which can cure and even prevent diseases. Wisely, ancient humans regarded the cat as a sacred animal.
How do you do it, kitty? How is it that you know how to conquer everyone, that a minute is enough with you and you fall in love? How do you seduce everyone, from grandparents to the vet? What’s the catch, little one? And to think that you are here by chance, you know? Indeed maybe you are just alive by chance, think if that friend of ours hadn’t picked you up from that stable, ugly and thin as you were, think about what would have become of you … In fact, you know what? Don’t think about it at all. Because now you are here, with us, darling of anyone who knows you. Let’s not think about what could have been, let’s think instead about what has been and let’s enjoy the good fortune that is your being alive and we of having known you. Let’s enjoy all the love that there is and that you know how to arouse when you play as if you were still a puppy and then collapse exhausted. Let’s enjoy the show of your purr when we caress you, let’s enjoy the familiar weight on your legs when you feel like sleeping. How wonderful are you, kitty, but how do you do it? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is having you here.
Cats are somewhat mystical creatures. As they say in a film they are here and there. If you keep them indoors they perceive the subtler levels and devour toxic energies. For this reason, many people have always been in favor of the cat’s “superiority” over, for example, the peaceful nature of the dog. A cat doesn’t follow you for food, they say, it doesn’t need you, they repeat, it doesn’t purr you if it doesn’t want to, they insist. Because in the dual reality in which they find themselves they see independence and intelligence in the “power” of the cat, considering instead the playfulness, fidelity, sensitivity and cooperation of the dog, acts of weakness. In the dual world there is separation. The concept of right and wrong. Bad versus good. Surrogates made even stronger in this moment of ego-referencing. Too bad that in the temple of wisdom that was rewritten to divide men, there is no struggle between best and worst. Each is essential for the other to recognize themselves, to be opposed in teaching and to integrate. They are active and passive, not one yes and the other no. Not black or white.
Blue is the first to get up every morning, obviously she does not tolerate someone sleeping when she is already awake, so she starts crying desperately in front of the door that divides the attic in which we are staying from the rest of the house. It was a matter of time and we knew it but now she has completely settled down and her desire to explore, her dominant nature and her marked independence are felt. She wants to be free to go in and out, she expects every door to be open, there is no weekend to hold, her internal clock was calibrated to human rhythms when we were at our house, here it is different because she has different needs and being at living in a single room, even if it is large, is too simplistic for her, almost punitive. So we have to get up and distract her so that she calms down and doesn’t wake up my in-laws with her moans. She is sweet, Blue, in her own way she knows how to give a lot of affection but she is also a demanding cat, she needs a certain level of freedom and interaction, living with her is a constant search for balance that always results in the satisfaction of seeing her and knowing her happy. It is a period of mutual adaptation, this, of transition, as difficult for us as it is for them. Bruce is the usual big cat who alternates play, cuddling and sleep, she has different complexities and needs that we must somehow satisfy. The alternative is to get angry and scold her but with those big eyes she finds herself able to arouse feelings of guilt far more annoying than any morning wake up call. So you won, Blue, as usual. And in the end, that’s fine with us.

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