WHAT ON EARTH WILL IT TAKE?

LIFE IS A SEA

I was by the sea today and I started thinking.

I thought that the sea is a bit like life don't you think? Sometimes calm, sometimes stormy, there are those times when it is stormy and those times it gives peace. There are those times when it is illuminated by the sun and other times when the darkness surrounds it, leaving no room for light.

Life is just that. Never constant, never perfect, not always calm, not always stormy, we don't always find the light and we don't always live in the dark.

You realize that there are days that are different from others, experiences stronger than others, there are people who enter our life and others who walk on the shore because they are afraid of getting wet.

We are afraid of the depth of the sea as we are afraid of facing certain immense experiences that life puts before us.

I looked at the sea and I understood. I simply understood that there are waves that are stronger than others.

NIGHT TRAIN TO LISBON

Why continue to live a monotonous life in which everything is marked by always the same rhythms when one can interrupt the known and go towards the unknown of oneself? Why do you choose to get moldy in a job or in a life that becomes a cage when you can get on a train and go towards a different future?

IT’S LIFE

I think that life is not played with. That things change in a second and sometimes they don’t change for years. That the person you think can only stop for a few days in your existence sometimes becomes the person of life and the one you want forever in an instant can suddenly become the last one you want next to. That we waste time, we waste a lot of time, behind things that we laugh at in the end or that do not have the importance we believe. I think it takes a little to change your mind and sometimes a lot to mentally detach ourselves from situations. That we often live on illusions, to fill insecurities and voids, which sometimes better one a good lie that a painful truth and instead others do not we prefer the truth and pain than to persist surrounded by a mountain of falsehood. I think that we hardly ever get attached when we should, and very often, we give a lot to a myriad of wrong people and little to the right few who at least deserve it. That everyone wants to do what they love but then in the end what matters and no one will ever say is that at the end of the month the important thing is to earn. To travel, to go out, to live as we like. That true happiness, real, you feel it very few times and it lasts a few moments just long enough to realize it, that you cannot say no to the people you love, you would never quarrel, you would forgive everything, but then you give back to those who love you. half of what they deserve. I think we are naturally selfish, otherwise we would be I don’t know, maybe dogs, who know how to give without asking for anything. I think that whoever has hurt you once will always do it, will always have a reason to do it, that if you are one who cheats you will always have an excuse to cheat and if you are one who would never cheat you will never do it even by imposing it, that life is wonderfully beautiful but also tremendously unfair, that experiences teach that with mistakes you grow but there comes a time when sooner or later, you think you would have gladly given up making that mistake. That some things, however much you want them, you will never have them, that the will is sometimes not enough, that constancy is not true which is all, it is not if you do not have the strength, if you wake up in a bad mood, if that day you can’t even remember who you are and what your name is. That everyone likes the good life but you must also know how to do something with the good life, and you must know how to make life really beautiful, to say that it is beautiful, after all. That you never really grow up, not even when the years say the opposite, not even when you have someone calling you dad or mom, that a part of you will always remain childish, even if you have bills to pay and responsibilities at work. Which happens to everyone that evening when you drive aimlessly in your car with loud music and set your navigator with the desire to arrive in California. That’s life.


	

THINKING ABOUT WHAT?

All of us, including me, are with our minds invaded by a thousand ideas, but lately I have been thinking more and more about the fact that in today’s world no one makes the effort to think, but think seriously about his life, the values ​​he has, the people, both those who are close to you and those who have gone away, what emotions do you feel when you wake up in the morning and live your day until you go to bed in the evening … Everything is too big compared to us, little human beings who think they are full (some with money, some with commitments, some with desires, some only with merits, some only with defects, some with a combination of all this), but who they’re actually fucking empty and meaningless. In my reflection in front of the mirror, I see a girl with two big blue eyes like the sky but which express nothing but false happiness because in recent years I have learned to swallow many injustices and things that are difficult to accept but also to take hits stronger than me but if internally they knocked me out, externally I had to stand up and walk with my head held high in order not to lose control of my life. Sometimes I have lost it, I do not hide it, leading to very negative and self-destructive consequences. Sometimes I think about how fast I have grown, too fast due to various events that have happened, perhaps with too much strength, stubbornness and stubbornness. Do you know what for?
To put up with two parents who asked me to behave in a normal way and see it right despite being 8 years old. I wish I had a time machine. I would like to use it to see my mom again who, despite coming home from work tired, smiled when she ran to me to kiss my forehead or to laugh out loud when my dad tickled me on the hips or to watch movies on the sofa all three together, in short, to have my moments of stability and pure family joy back. Now only small, but at the same time clear memories remain, to which I cling to smile if I feel bad. Finally, I really think that current life is taking us all away, in its immense river of frenzy, superficiality and general hypocrisy, so every now and then put yourself in a position to reflect on yourself, it is the best gift you can give yourself. If you think that life is crap, maybe sometimes you try, for example, to be less hasty when you have to run to catch a train and stop for a moment to observe the beauty that the sky has, even on dull and rainy days, or to turn it off. smartphone to go for a walk to free yourself from stress, or politely return the greeting to those who offer it to you, in short, simply live as you should.

BE GRATEFUL

You must be grateful in this life because:
You have a home that protects you.
You ate today.
You have clean water that you can drink.
You are good at heart.
You have a pet.
You have at least one person who cares about you.
You are capable of understanding and wanting.
You're breathing.
Sometimes we get lost in trivial things and get angry.
When instead we should be grateful for those little things that make up our life. Which we very often take for granted. 
Before you lose your temper, look around and be grateful. 

HARMONIOUS

In recent years I have made bad choices, choices that have led me to live a life that is not what I wanted: as children we all imagine how we could be tomorrow, but we will never know for sure if what we want will come true, but we can do everything possible as long as it happens. I didn’t do it, I saw grown-ups and I wanted to be great too, all too fast, all in a supernatural way. I didn’t have to do it, I didn’t have to grow up so fast, I wanted a normal life, to be a girl like any other, yet I ruined everything. If I could go back I would change everything, I didn’t think I could say it, but that’s the way it is. I’d be hypocritical if I said I’d do it all again, no. Usually it doesn’t happen, usually I would do what I did, but not this time. This time I would like to live it, life, this time I would really like to be happy. This time I would choose me, me and me again. But there is no going back, and I can do nothing but tell you to really enjoy life, to the full, it might be worth it and you might not regret it. Don’t be frightened by what might happen, rather, make sure you never have to wonder what might have happened. Just make it all happen.

LET’S SIT TOGETHER

I don’t understand those people who when they turn one more year get demoralized because they feel older and older or who say they don’t give a damn. Instead of focusing on the fewer years they have left to live, they should be happy that they lived up to that point. Each additional year of life is a wonderful milestone to celebrate, as every day of life should be. Just for the fact of opening your eyes and having another day to live in front of you, you should smile and try to feed that smile all day. When you are young, you take everything for granted, including your health, and you don’t fully realize the extraordinary power you have right now. We often focus on a happiness that will only be achievable in the near future, but the future is only our imagination. Today it is reality. The air we are breathing, the beating of our heart and the sweat of our hands, these sensations of the present are what we take for granted as if they were eternal but they are not. Our vital senses take on their true value only when we are about to lose them. Do not allow this to happen, whatever you are doing stop for a moment and completely forget about it, breathe deeply closing your eyes, listening to your beat, touching your hands but above all enjoying being alive with a sublime smile.
I look at your graceful figure and no fantasy is needed for me to follow the return to the origins, your morning toilet is of fine oyster cloth and you are an invitation to a mud bath, your blue eye stares at me through a milky keratome, with the stiff forefinger you push aside the yellow twigs of the weeping willow and you know well that you can expect all the worst things from me. Emotional flashes and a hundred and eight gold in the finish open the way to the sewer, to the sad weekend that I am now starting to live, the dress of which I dream is woven in the rice color of Siberian cellulose, the green hands of eight hundred girls are the foundation of a sweet confession, the isoipse of the rice solidify you with a courtesy mask and the ratchets of your porcelain ears are perfectly hidden in the listening bush of your oxide macerated hair. The spheres of things and events triggered, against the course of the clock hands, run at zero time, however a single day spent with the beloved girl on a Norwegian glacier is the love bag of all worthy people.
Splinters of smashed dolls hurt my soul, the caterpillar crawling right next to my eye is bigger than the express train that passes in the distance. I don’t know which mountain farmer when he couldn’t find work years ago he started talking to a sheep. I see how my life is sucked into my mother’s life, I see how I am wound back from the umbilical cord to the womb of the progenitor Eve. I see how the stained underpants are the imprint of infinity and the intestines stirred by noble horror lead to a higher vision, I see my semen as against the current being sucked backwards to the first pollution like a mountain trout, I see how from the organ sexual intercourse of all my ancestors are sucked back into the spermatic canal of the progenitor Adam. I live tactfully the resection of the rib that I still miss today.
And in the meantime this is your little waist and this is your pleated skirt from the belt to the delicate crepe and this is your toilet of the silky ivory color and it is an empire model and this is the confirmation dress kept as a souvenir and this is your back dappled by beer coasters and these are your loose hair and staves of music flow from your head. I see how naked you are now sailing under the dark beams, I see your rhythmic hands illuminated by the violent spray of the yellow chandelier, I see how from your little beating legs gush springs, beads that rise from all the pores of your body, you are immersed in a bathroom phosphorescent and vibrating ankles whistling rapids of seltzer, sparkling wines, sparkling fins, mineral feathers, flying fish wings, the flys that the beautiful and young Greek god Mercury wears on his ankles. The full moon shines with the footprint of Armstrong’s sole, but I was most moved by the news of the evening newspaper, a 68-year-old medical herb picker dozed off on a flowering meadow and was sucked into a lawn mower and her corpse escaped from the car along with the medicinal herbs and hay beyond recognition.
Along the belt of the streets I return to the origin of going, the revealing splendor of animal experiences wishes pools full of children to thirsty cities. Your myosotide eye broken by a sliver of Modra majolica now understands my cold gaze, rightly follow how the knife of my imagination pushes back to the sources of things. The last stream is sucked into the small river with the last drop, the last river is sucked into the ocean sea with the last clear cloud evaporating in the blue skies. I see how you follow this ascending fall with me, I see that not a single phase of this striptease has escaped you. Apparently I follow the memory of your white silk dress embroidered with gold, on the wrist the sleeve was decorated with slits for my desire, two hollow folds of cream yellow cashmere, but I follow all the more quickly as the pure source and the divine Needle they go towards spring and you smile at me when you see how I take handfuls full of creative clay in my hands and smelling the earth I smell you too. Meanwhile I feel only in my brain the screeching of your sweet limbs, the skin you have adorned with tender cracks, you are transported by the coordinates of cigarette smoke, Climb high like the bubbles of seltzer, the trees and flowers describe circumferences, an apple falls from the melo, already with the apples in the seed, the last ruins of the evening slip silently into the soft dust, but in the meantime I like the excesses and extravagances of the songs with poetry in the newspapers.
Graceful comes in the wave of the evening a lonely throb of a star. Gradually a light cloud the pupil closes them smiling; and as she passes with veils and feathers, in the great blue tremulous sparks they are born in swarms, they are born in garlands, are born in a hundred, are born in a thousand: but I don’t see you anymore, my star. Liable illusion How many anxieties you neglect. I woke up. Beyond the intoxicating essence of your insidious substance Vast expanses of multicolored black poppies They linger mischievous Willing to stem severely every unwary dream. Cleverly designed they will refute the insolent lie to which you are prone Allocating your vain shy escape to an inevitable departure. We cannot evade An intimate truth. Along the way we meet as graceful souls. Sensitive fairies. You covet butterflies and you love days sitting together.

SOFT WHISPER

Physical attraction is the key that moves the world, anyone can make us feel sensations and emotions, but the real attraction is that of souls. We will be able to supplant one caress for another, even a few kisses, but when we go further we will not be able to deceive our hearts, we will not be able to pretend to find what we have always sought, we will not be able to deceive ourselves.

When the hearts of those who are bound separate, the emptiness they leave is felt and is very deep, it drowns, it burns the soul. Two souls who have traveled together are much more connected than it might seem, their bond transcends everything.

However, the missions end, often even if two hearts have loved each other deeply and given to each other they are forced to take different paths, take other paths to learn what it is necessary for them to learn.

Two hearts do not separate as long as one lives in the other and is bizarre, but they will meet again perhaps in another life, on other occasions and that meeting will happen and it will be as if nothing had happened, it will all start again from the exact moment in which they broke up with.
Thus, on this night of rain and lightning, I rediscovered myself as my own sun. And I shine and I shine and I shine and I sing and dance and I go back to being myself before you, thinking about nights by the sea with ball music while I dance and look at the stars dreaming of love and love has arrived , it doesn't matter if he's already gone, I tried it, I felt it, it went through me and I thought I had lost pieces of my heart, again, but maybe not, maybe I found them again, maybe I reassembled the 'whole and it hurt me as much as when a missing limb reappears and the body has to get used to and heal the wounds, so, me. so I don't think about any revenge on you, my revenge is instead to find myself, get back on my feet, go back to dreaming, rediscover the desire to believe in love and in me, rediscover the desire to fall in love and to dance and sing to out loud in the rain.
I shine I feel the light pulsing inside me.

CONFORMISM

Society presents itself as a sort of “pressing” (pressure) on a person, stimulating him to always seek conformity and forcing him to always pay attention to what “people might say” and forcing him to be “what others want see ”, preventing her from being“ that who is in truth ”. Man, as a part of society, becomes dependent on the opinion of others from childhood. At first it is caused by the desire to deserve parental approval and the respect of peers and later, in adulthood – by the desire to look like a happy and righteous person in the eyes of others. I often realized that sometimes this desire was so strong that it prevented me from living my life, even if it was a little different from generalized stereotypes. In society there is a clear allocation of “successful” and “losers”, “normal” and “strange” men and so on. Even though I understood that my vocation was different from the image, imposed by society and expected by my relatives, I kept trying to conform to that. One wonders, why? Internally many of us agree that depending on some other opinion is stupid, but in practice the situation is very different. The dependence on the opinions of others manifests itself and can be characterized by the envy of the successes of others, by the resentment caused by one’s own fiasco and also by the fear of disappointing the expectations of loved ones and close relatives, because we must have everything “like the others”. If not, “what will people say?”
Is this public opinion, which affects my life, justified? Do I really want to live my life not as my heart prompts me, but as others want? Come to think of it, my life, my health, and my success don’t change based on someone’s disapproval or condemnation. So what’s the point of paying attention to what others might say or think about me? (Here, of course, I am not talking about situations in which my actions could cause some harm to someone.) Often the cause of my inner wars becomes the opposition between “I want” and “I must”. I think most young people my age have already faced this kind of conflict, but in my case the roots of the problem go back to the Russian mentality. In Russian families, children get used to the fact that duty is above all else. The word “duty” dominates the interests of the child. You have to study perfectly, you have to play sports, you have to become a doctor like your grandfather and this list may never end. Saying “I want” is considered disrespectful. I often choose between my “want” and parental “must”. It is always a difficult choice. Finding the right solution isn’t always easy. Over time, I began to listen to myself more often, but that wasn’t always the case. When I was a child, I always did what my parents told me, even if I wanted to do something else. All this caused discontent, a bad mood and insecurity.

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