SITTING IN THE RIVER

Sometimes you try to do a thousand things, you lose useful energy for many difficult goals and in the end you lose the true direction. The ancient sages sat on the bank of the river and meditated while all the others busied themselves with the meaning of life or followed their wishes. Sitting on the bank of the river is not lazing around but entering within oneself and acting on the things that are closest to us, that is, ourselves. Sit down and observe. Where does the river go? Where are we going? Each day the river changes in response to the different factors it is subjected to. An intense rain, a flood, the wind, the drought condition the shape of the river at least as much as the materials it erodes as it crosses, finding greater or lesser resistance to the continuous excavation work, thus remaining forced to adapt to these unexpected events and to reformulate its path continuously. Despite this, the river does not change its name and is always recognized as such. The fact that he changes route and shape every day makes him seem almost alive. Are we alive? You sit in I have often walked along the banks of a river near here. Get inside your waters. Hear the turmoil of the heart. Listen to what the water says. I have often walked along the banks of a nearby river. I had the desire to enter that stream and get to the sea and get lost returning to the origin of everything. Then I saw the ducks and my thoughts were dissolved by lotus. So small and defenseless. So beautiful and innocent. The water was cold but they were fine, I wasn’t.

MY TAI CHI MASTER

My Tai Chi master taught me the peace, calm, slowness and beauty of being filled with joy and purity. I was full of energy when I started the course and he told me it was a good thing and that I was channeling it the right way. After 4 months an incredible thing happened to me: while I was making a figure suddenly everything around me disappeared suddenly and I do not know how but I saw within me a sphere of very strong and warm light and I felt a wonderful well-being. It only lasted a few seconds but for me how to discover a hidden universe within me. I believe that each of us can only find that sphere by remaining calm and centered. I am a tiger inside a lotus flower. I fight injustices and help others, especially “difficult children” and I try to spread love and serenity.

LOVE IS NOT THE ANSWER

If I think back to how much love I gave to people who didn’t want it, how many disappointments I had, how much sadness and suffering, how much anticipation and anger! now it doesn’t seem true that the end of all this has come. I poured my love into hearts that did not feel, into souls that did not live. I gave myself to people dead inside, to those who did not know what it meant to love, to those who do not yet know what it means to love. I painted love in minds that just wanted not to love. I tried, tried, risked everything about myself, even my sanity, my inner well-being. And all because within me this energy needed to flow out, to be given to others, to expand, to go out and fulfill itself. After so much wandering, the unexpected landing is the best thing. Where you never thought you could find a place of peace and serenity, you arrive right there by chance, discovering that everything that was was only a prelude and to what would come after. After so much torment, so much existential fatigue, after every conflict and inner struggle, now I can say that everything has taken its place within me. That there was a total stop of that wild and dangerous flood that came out of me every time I tried to stop myself. That noisy and chaotic waterfall that poured onto the other, like an explosion of uncontrollable energy, now flows by itself in a different way. The tiger that roared inside the lotus flower has now disappeared and the lotus flower has opened and shines with light never seen before. My Tai Chi master had seen well, but it was I who couldn’t see because the times weren’t right yet. There was all that water that stirred my heart, which deprived me of that vision of myself that I still could not have. Because I was not yet ready for enlightenment. Now I understand that enlightenment can only be found if it is not sought. It comes at a time when you don’t look for it at all and you may feel you can never even get there because you are not the type, because you do not have that way of seeing or feeling. Because you are in the hell of life and you can’t think that anything else can exist. It comes at a time when the last thought of your life is to have that vision and that peace that you have always dreamed of. And only now do I understand why it is so difficult to describe it to others, why it is difficult to find the words that can describe such an inner state. It is a bit like when Buddhists try to explain that suffering does not exist and that it is only a construction of man. If I go to see what has been inside me so far, I find nothing but nothing. But it is that nothing that is stupendous, that is a whole. Because becoming nothing, becoming emptiness is a splendid thing. Nothing has become my past. There is no longer any trace of it inside me. There is no one and no thing. Everything has vanished into the nothingness that I am now. A lotus flower needs only water to grow and water is the only source it needs. Everything else no longer exists. The inner light is the only source, the rest is something that never comes. My being is aware of the journey it has made to become the Void, and the acquired well-being is extraordinary. Because my being no longer needs anything. Love, anger, life, sun, food, friendship, internet,… ..all these things seem made of smoke to me. I am like an impalpable fog inside me. No sensation comes to me from the outside but it is my being that flows and that’s enough for me. Before, the world was the fertilizer for my plant. Now my plant grows by itself, has its roots in the sky and the sap comes from the light. It does not need anything else. The void needs nothing else. My heart is still beating, it is alive, yes, but inside my heart there is only infinite light. Inside me there is only one lotus flower that blooms every day.

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