GREEN LOVE

Never get married as a lover. If you are in love, do not get married because in falling in love there is no sense of reality. Only when you have realized that next to you there is a wretch, a child or a neurasthenic, a hysteric, only when his defects are no longer funny, but hateful, then you will really love him. You have to know how to fight, know how to have different ideas and instead many live by making a living, swallowing toads. Relational well-being cannot decide on everything, because if not, the risk is that we proceed out of hypocrisy, that is to go ahead repressing what are our own truths. In fact, many live trying to avoid the defects of the other: I know that there are some things that I cannot say so that in front of a defect of the other I am in apnea waiting for it to pass and for one of its qualities to re-emerge. True love is that which knows no conditions, it is that which starts from attraction, passes through affinity and arrives at the intuition that there is something indissoluble between you. We all have this intuition and it is necessary to have it both. You don’t come to marriage to have an indissoluble relationship, but to put a seal on what you feel between yourselves as indissoluble.
And do you know what leads us to love in a certain way and not in another? The pain we felt, that’s right. The times we felt invisible, the words that pierced us, the abandonments we suffered, the goodbyes we inevitably found ourselves saying, the deaths we had to witness, the insecurities we carry inside from time immemorial. So you see? How can you think that one wound can look like another? That we all have the same pain threshold? All that can be said about love is that vhi really loves does not enjoy spreading the edges of our wounds, does not wallow in it, does not cling to it. The rest, all the rest, is another story.
I sit on the wall, squeeze my legs and look at my knees, to see some peeling, some bruising … Nothing. The ugly thing about broken hearts is this: that you can’t throw hydrogen peroxide on them and blow them while the bubbles walk on the wound, that you can only hold onto the pieces. And there are no operations and there are no medicines that can put them back together, you have to keep your heart broken like this. Maybe that’s good. Nobody deserves my frailty. It would be too easy to see a person who is always strong and smiling, but when the demons come out and there you really understand who you are in front of. I will continue to fight alone. It hurts to show yourself to others. It’s not worth it.
I believe that the human being has animal behaviors, but also plant ones. The animal has cells that heal and close its wounds. However, if you cut a branch it does not grow again: a plant wound is definitive and the only thing we can do is cover it. This is why we find trees with cavities, inside which fungi are born that feed the trunk. In this sense, our heart behaves like vegetables. If you hurt it it doesn’t heal, and the wound stays open. What could happen is that new experiences cover that same wound with life

A LOOK AT THE SEA

Do not take anyone to see the sea, which is an important thing, it is not a trivial matter. Going with someone to see the sea is not like going to the bar, to see the shop windows in the square or to get an ice cream. It really is so much more. To look at the sea bring us someone who shares the silence with you, it is difficult to find it, but if you find it you have no escape. You see it as if you were in another world, a world where silence is enough to understand each other. A world of your own. Bring us someone you don’t have to talk to, because the sea is a silent film that surprises you for the colors, for the sensations it causes in your stomach and for the noises of the waves that make you feel in a balanced situation. But what really counts, of the sea, are the nuances. As with everything beautiful on the other hand. Bring us those who have been able to show you that you are worth much more than what you think, than what you would expect, someone who makes you a priority and not a pastime. That person who can hear your innermost tragedies, without thinking that they are trivial and irrelevant things. To see the sea bring us those who can understand you without speaking, who will pick you up if you go away, who gives you the opportunity to lean on his shoulder when you fall, who if looking into your eyes, incredibly notices a bit of the sea in you too. That person who, when he looks up to the sky, reads your name. Bring us someone just like that, who makes you feel chaos inside and a magical person outside, full of life. You will seem to see something amazing, shocking, fascinating and for the first time in your life it will seem like you are seeing the sea, because you have never seen it like this.
I leave you everything that I don’t need, that slows me down, that saddens me, that weighs me down. Everything that is too little, too tight, too warm, everything that creases me even if at times it softens me. I leave you some silver until you can completely heal that wound on my heart, and I also leave you a little bit of what I carry is silent in my heart. I leave you the disappointment and indifference with which you forced me to dress, I leave you the forced smiles, the tears in the dark timeless nights. I leave you a piece of me, another piece of life that once again taught me the value of life. I carry with me, the change, the enchantment, the wonder, the desire to surprise me again, the strength, the resilence, the sincere smiles, the full-mouthed laughter, the deep breaths that take your breath away, the becoming, discovering yourself every day, that hunger for life that never leaves me. That dream that I tied tightly to my finger. All the best in me.
Every now and then they ask me why I’m like this. They do not know that I have never had anyone who cared about making me feel good, that I always had to organize myself, be alone as a friend, as a confidant. I hate surprises because I’ve never had one, I’m afraid to let go because no one has been there to catch me, it’s always so damn obvious that I can solve everything by myself, I’m the one who’s always fine and if she’s not fine it will pass by itself. Learn to let go Get away from your own mind All those images That little by little they will become weak Let it flow on the face The tears that will be thrown into an ocean In which we will have to learn to swim Leave those shores behind Traveling to discover new lands And don’t hold back anything The heart will know how to keep what really matters The memories, the precious ones Able to make us survive And live Continue to grow, mature Blossom like tulips And learn to let go when the rainy days return And start again All over again.

100 LOVES FOR MY HEART

They say that I have changed, that I am no longer the sunny girl, the one who always smiled, who got along well with everyone, who immediately made friends, the carefree one, without problems, without a thousand paranoia, the me of the past. The truth is that she got lost among the disappointments, the times when I wanted to scream but remained silent, the ‘all right’ that never were, but no one noticed.
The myself of the past has been lost in the wickedness of life. Among the people who betray you, among the lies, among all those who have abandoned me. Excuse me so much if now I am more evil, more proud and perhaps even a little selfish, sorry if I am not always happy with others but now I am thinking of myself. Excuse me so much if I don’t suit you anymore, but this is just survival instinct.
Who knows what people feel when they realize they are alone. When she realizes that the world is not looking for her, that no one thinks of her, when she realizes that she will have to face monsters under the bed alone, when she realizes that people do not understand her, when they understand that the world will not be around her. Who knows what people feel when they understand that sometimes you are better off alone, when they understand that no one will help you in life, when the world does not understand you. Who knows what people feel when they understand that the world does not listen to their silences, does not understand them, does not try to help them. When the world collapses against him, when everything around him seems less colorful. When the world is seen either in black or white, never in another color. Who knows what people feel when they understand that the world uses their frailties to kill them slowly. Who knows what she feels when she realizes that she is surrounded by loneliness. Who knows if he fights it, if he rolls up his sleeves so as not to collapse or if he replaces it with anyone. Who knows if people when they understand that loneliness is overwhelming them struggle. Who knows what people feel when they understand that loneliness is part of their life and they can’t do anything to stop it. Who knows if people with loneliness talk to us, play with us, laugh at us, joke about it or if maybe at the moment they are at home, they have to fight against something bigger than them. Who knows if people make loneliness their best friend, if they learn to live with it, if after a while they don’t want to let it go. Who knows if people fear loneliness, if they are afraid of it, if at the very thought of it they stop breathing. Who knows if one day people will find happiness in solitude. Who knows if one day people will realize that being alone is sometimes a salvation “

THE VOICE OF DESIRE

Is this what it feels like when you’re in love? The heart that beats fast as soon as you see him, the smile that appears on your face as soon as someone names him, the lack you feel when you don’t see him, the scent you smell even if he is not close to you, the thousand songs that you dedicate to him the phrases you used to read and say “I will never be like this” yet look at yourself now. You had built yourself a thick armor that no one would be able to break down, yet it was enough for him to look at you to make you weak again. Because yes, love makes you weak. When you love someone, you depend on that someone. A message, a gesture, a word is enough to completely turn your day around. Yes, it completely upsets your love.
And she was like that. He spoke to you with an unparalleled enthusiasm, he looked you in the eye and smiled, and the next moment he stared at a point lost in the void, she was like that, she was able to go from one emotion to another in a second. A memory was enough. And she was beautiful when she remembered, she enchanted herself with her mouth open, wrinkles formed on the sides of her eyes because she squinted and squeezed in the effort and then, even more tender, she put a hand in front of her mouth, realizing what she was doing. he was thinking. And most of the time not to be beautiful things, despite her innocent appearance, because she blushed and looked around that nobody saw her, then clapped a hand on her forehead as if to say: what have I done ?! She was like that. It would get lost behind her and it would come to her mind and one would choose the air, break her heart, a sense of vertigo as if she were about to sink into a black hole. To keep herself anchored to reality she bit her lips until they bleed and stuck her nails in her palms. And then maybe on one side she regretted it, of certain details, but on the other side she smiled mischievously. She was like that. He was half angel and half temptation.
Kisses against the wall.
Kisses given with force.
Kisses that take your breath away.
Kisses given by mistake.
The best mistake I could have made.
Kisses off guard.
Kisses given on the threshold of a door.
Kisses with the tongue.
Kisses without a tongue.
Kisses with bites.
Quick kisses.
Long, slow kisses.
Kisses on the neck.
Kisses on the forehead.
Kisses goodbye.
You kiss that when you are angry you push him away by forcefully saying to leave you alone but then he pulls you hard and kisses you and you try to resist but you surrender to the touch of his lips.
Kisses are the one thing we can’t avoid.
The only temptation we cannot resist.
And there is nothing more sublime than letting oneself go to temptation. The perversion of the forbidden, the adrenaline of error, the pleasure of discovering hell, the absurdity of denying heaven. We are fire and flame, what burns us, what burns us. We are heroin injected slowly, we are an absurd perception of ‘after death’. We are the time that stops, and the souls that touch. Ripping flesh, the most captivating pain I know. We will invent new sensations, explosions, nuclear disasters. We will be the thrill that pervades the body, the sensuality that intoxicates the senses. We will be cocaine, addiction, we will be a mistake, we will be the devil. There is nothing more beautiful than the perversion and the desire for it between two bodies that have understood. Understood, perhaps, deadly.
The temptation
The pleasure of an instant
A simple action Small enscattante.
And slowly it destroys Your poor soul
And slowly it melts you
That magnanimous pleasure.
And fall and yield In the waves of time
And fall back and recede It’s just a moment.
Everything seems to take away While the heart despairs
Praying for my soul My heart hopes.
Your God you pray For salvation
After you don’t fool yourself
But it is your only certainty.
Calling for forgiveness, Between sobs and salty cheeks,
It is your only gift,
You pray, with your veiled pupils.

 

%d bloggers like this: