TWISTED IN MY SOLITUDE

Now I'll explain. Basically I find tenderness in the most absurd things and 
I feel affection even for those I almost don't even know. maybe because I empathize, because I'm fantastic. who knows. 
nd it's not a passing thing, maybe I happen to see those people after some time or that I happen to think and hope that everything is all right, that they have in life not what they want but what can make them feel good. 
Sometimes it's enough for me to know just a few things about certain people and I end up imagining what it would be like to be able to do something about them for them and see the joy in their eyes. 
Other times I think of picking up and leaving to see them there 
walking around their city and running towards them, I imagine them surprised as they say to me "what are you doing here?" 
"I wanted to see you, to spend time with you, to feel close to you, 
to make sure that this day can be good for you". I go around social media or shops and think "ah he'd love this like crazy" and then I think I'm crazy to think that I haven't even exchanged a word with that person. 
I don't know if it might seem creepy to someone, but I still try to keep it mostly to myself. 
Fantasizing about millions of events that I will never do with these people maybe while listening to a song and looking in the mirror or while I'm in bed and looking at the ceiling.

WHEN I LOOK AT ME IN THE MIRROR

Each of us has a code of behavior, our own ethics made up of unwritten ideals and well-defined rules.

One of these for me is never betraying me, ever. For nothing and for anyone; in fact, when you betray yourself, you always do it in relation to an expectation that the outside world has of you, a wrong awareness, an unfounded prejudice.

This is why I find one thing fundamental: waking up every morning and being able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling too betrayed by those insecurities that want to shape me as another person or, simply, want a kind of perfection aimed at acceptance.

But does he really get to betray himself for being something he really isn't?

STORY OF A LITTLE BLUE GIRL

Hey Blue what happened to you? I see you a little down. And I no longer see your beautiful hair that looked good with any color, where did your smiles and laughter go little Blue? What did all these people do to you to reduce you like this. Why are you crying? Indeed, the correct question is: why have you never stopped crying? Because you recognize yourself more when you suffer, instead of taking them and killing all those who trample you. Who don't know Blu what you felt, they don't know. They don't know what it's like to get up on your own. They don't know what it's like to be alone. You yes. And you are very good because with others you never collapse, you know how to console yourself and you know how to laugh alone. You are strong, and everyone tells you how strong you can be. They tell you this especially before they break you, but you never break. You just cry, and people often can't stand it, but you just want someone to stay there. Watch yourself and say nothing. But Blue is not easy. In this life no one has time for anyone anymore and you are tired of having a phone in your hand to be able to communicate with people. You want a real shoulder, you want someone to take your pain with their bare hands and throw it away. You are looking for love because you have never known it and you do not know what it really is like. All consequences of a tragic past that you don't even remember, if you knew maybe you wouldn't be like that. Maybe you would be like all 20-year-olds who go around the clubs to dance. But you don't dance, because whoever dances is happy, you just move your hip to provoke any man. You seek attention, you look for eyes that are always pointed towards you, but the eyes are not always the mirror of the heart. The bottle of vodka you are drinking no longer even has a taste for you, it doesn't taste like peach or mint or strawberry, it just tastes like a cage that for a few moments doesn't let out thoughts and doesn't make you feel sad. But I know the truth, I know you would tell your whole life if people asked you, but you never really do it. You don't do it for a good reason, people are too normal compared to you and you've been told too many times that you are weird, that you are wrong, that you are different. You are not and you would have tons

NATURALIST

I am face to face with myself, how long it hadn’t happened, I had almost forgotten how it felt, listening to the silence, reflecting on one’s life, on the changes and transformations it holds for us. Many times I found myself being with me, and it never scared me like now, perhaps because I’m no longer used to it. And I wondered why something inside me had taken over, so strong that it made me lose air and cause sudden tachycardias wherever I was. Anyone who has a character similar to mine can understand me well when I talk about having become a sort of time bomb, whatever happens outside of me, I care, perhaps even more than I should, so much that I can’t say “no” to no one, so much as to cause me inner discomfort, so much so that I forget about myself, my time, my habits and become a sort of automaton that performs tasks for no purpose. A bomb that just inserted does not cause any damage and that explodes when you least expect it, making a clean sweep around itself and annihilating all fear. There comes a time when you have to say enough and take back who you are, the time comes to ask for help and to throw out all the poison, the time comes to control your “I”, to listen to it and rock it. The time comes to bring out yourself, to do it alone, while keeping the people who matter to you next to you and remain by your side despite everything, because who more than me deserves to feel good? Nobody. Without a “me”, there is no “we”, without a “me” there are no friends, without a “me” there is nothing. We are like lego constructions, we compose and break down as we see fit, we are able to disintegrate and reattach piece by piece to build the tallest skyscraper in existence, we are able to change pieces, multitudes, colors, we are able to great things, but only if we want them. I finish by making a wish to me and to all the people who, like me, are finding themselves: Always be yourself, face the changes that life has in store for you, transform yourself, take time out for yourself, listen to yourself, but never forget who you are and what you are able to do.

Fight for what you believe, especially when you believe it less because it is from there that you find the strength to go further and to know yourself, have the courage not to wallow in pain but to always find solutions despite that because it is NOT everything, life is full of crazy things and we often forget it because we tend not to live in the present, but we remain attached to the past, let it go! Believe that everything does not happen by chance and that the universe presents you with everything to make you evolve, you are in the process and above all everything is temporary! Be the first to be responsible for your mood and your actions, let’s stop blaming others and start taking our responsibilities where it is needed because the rest will then reveal itself. Have the courage to believe, you are much more than you think and never forget your potential or every little thing that can change your day because it is a step that every day will get bigger and bigger and one day you will turn around thanking you for have done so and you will truly live with love for yourself. Always love each other.

I have always had a good relationship with nature. Since I was a child, thanks to my parents, I have always had a great admiration for everything related to her. As a child I never believed in fairies or all that stuff, but I believed in the magic of the earth, of how a flower blooms … And I wasn’t bored, on the contrary I was fascinated by it. I have never endured the city, full of giants made of concrete; it put me, and it still puts me in depression. It’s like those giants are stealing my happiness. But it was over time that I understood: no one had told me about pollution, it was as if I had remained in a bubble, which did not let anything pass. But it was by changing school, to go to middle school that I opened my eyes. In elementary school, nobody talked to me about the impact of our actions on the environment. In middle school I also participated in environmental discoveries. And since then I have looked at nature with different, new eyes. And everywhere I looked, I saw garbage, pollution. I hate the fact that the sea, and beyond, is soiled by our stupidity. And the fish, but not only, suffer the consequences. Many people talk about it, but between words and deeds, there is an incompatible horizon. And what good is it, we dirty the sea and the fish without thinking that we will eat them … It’s incredible, we think we are very intelligent, but the truth is different. That’s right, people are the worst disease on this planet. But it is still not too late to save the Earth. Of course, only one can do nothing, it is the union that is strength. So let’s save nature for ourselves and for other living beings.

THE LADY’S PERVERTION

It was dark outside. I was getting changed to go out for dinner. I was almost in front of the window, because the mirror was between the two windows. Suddenly a red light out there grabs my attention. He is standing in the middle of the trees. I remain motionless. I know he is watching. He doesn’t want me to forget what happened, our years together, our perverse bond. He doesn’t want me to forget anything like he does. But he does it in a manic way. He keeps the memories of every second, every minute and every hour of his life in his inner filing cabinet. I rearrange my dress. I know he wants to see me shaken but I have to act like he’s not there. His love was not. It was control. I had the power but he wanted to control me from below. He now wants to see if I live happy. But he knows that I cannot be happy neither with him nor without him. The razor’s edge of our story was metal and dangerous. But he couldn’t imagine that I was really different from the others. What was dark in me he hadn’t seen well. This had been his failure. A Dark Lady is not that easy to spot and he hadn’t been able to grasp the details. When he realized he had lost the future with me it was already too late, I had decided his destiny and I had closed my heart forever. I was there, in my house, ate, went out, smiled and lived. He was there in the dark, without money and without a life. He was trying to still exist, to exist for me. Instead I existed for myself and I had broken his game. I had discovered his bluff. He no longer ate, no longer had a home, no longer had friends. He only had me. He lived only for me. Every night he stood there in that darkness that had created between us. And he saw me living without him. Sometimes I left the window closed. Sometimes I opened the curtains. I knew that his only life was there in my daily nothingness. His goal had always been to destroy me inside. Destroy my vital spark. But he couldn’t know about my destroying Demon. His was a fiction. But mine was real. By the time he realized the power of my mind, everything had already vanished from his hands.