You yearn for freedom and independence in a world that is already a prison in itself, these wings trapped under the shoulder blades, under the burning skin, we are those of the sunrises and sunsets, those who stay awake at night, who are lost during the day, we are children of freedom, those who “wow if it’s dangerous, or frightening, I only feel alive if my heart is in my mouth” Those a bit like that, who caress you a second and a second later want their own spaces, those considered crazy, the ones that “you are crazy who don’t know what it means to jump and get hurt, get up and try again”. Unfortunately, even those who, if they feel too attached to something or someone, leave. Those who are a bit disappointed when someone gives us delusional ones, those who leave without specific plans, who live a little for the day, who create adventures because it is so beautiful, who are enchanted in front of storms and rain, who a little and also inside us, but it doesn’t matter, we are happy only if free, safe only if a little crazy. Stripped from the wind. We are all in the fear of the future. We don’t eat. We don’t sleep. We are not hungry for roads. We don’t travel anymore inside the Moon.
Tonight while grounding I felt the chthonic and dark side of the earth again. During the meditation, deepening its meaning, contemplating it, this once again proposed / answered me with chthonic images. This time I tried not to shy away from them. Suddenly I find myself in a swampy, muddy clearing at night. I have my arms outstretched to show my palms to that dark ground, almost to touch it, kneeling. When that mud comes alive, it takes the form of many hands that cling to me: I was dragged down. I tried to free myself, with the light, from that darkness, pushing from the arms and with the mouth (not making sounds). The threat appears to have vanished. I find myself, however, as “partially rooted to the ground! As in part sunk, as if buried (this sensation was however perceived as stronger on the back. Meanwhile there is nothing around me, I am thoughtless: finding a very brief moment of stillness, I am able to let go of fear. I let myself go, almost amused by the thought of finding myself so planted, similar to what would happen to a carrot. I let myself go to that sensation, I let the whole earth swallow me up and perhaps invoking sacred geometries I become from a “carrot” to a wedge, which as big as the mantle hits the core of the planet, as the firing pin does with the bullet. What follows is … Peace of being bathed in light and beams of dense plasma, like being in the center of a SUPERnova.
Perhaps, in all these years,
people weren't that cruel
and I didn't need to swallow all that ash
of dull smiles between the lips.
Maybe I didn't notice and left on the street
stumps of missing hugs,
like mournful candlesticks
turned on to my loneliness.
For this I am satisfied
to warm myself with crumbled phoenixes;
and I've spent bland days,
with his mouth too full of me to talk about love.
It would have been nice to lean on each other,
like hands on glass,
but I didn't have the courage to undress,
because being transparent is fragile,
and it's easy to break.
He looked at her with his eyes shining, he ate it with his eyes, but he waited in silence. As she slowly approached his lips, he made a little jerk forward, but she gently stopped him with a hand on his chest. “Not like that,” he said softly. He didn’t want it to be a quick, voracious kiss. He wanted something completely different. She began to give him some very light kisses that went down from the nose to around the mouth. – A real kiss, in my opinion, must be slow … He reached his mouth and gently took her lower lip between his, then parted a few millimeters. – It must be tasted, it must be felt, it must be lived with all the senses. Slowly, looking into his eyes, she placed her lips on hers and, inhaling his perfume, kissed him softly, carefully enjoying every fiber of those sensations. Then her hands came into her curls, fingers caressing her temples gently. He too realized that he felt more, enjoyed more, gave time for all his senses to understand, to immerse themselves totally in those sensations, instead of confusing them.
Is this what it feels like when you’re in love? The heart that beats fast as soon as you see him, the smile that appears on your face as soon as someone names him, the lack you feel when you don’t see him, the scent you smell even if he is not close to you, the thousand songs that you dedicate to him the phrases you used to read and say “I will never be like this” yet look at yourself now. You had built yourself a thick armor that no one would be able to break down, yet it was enough for him to look at you to make you weak again. Because yes, love makes you weak. When you love someone, you depend on that someone. A message, a gesture, a word is enough to completely turn your day around. Yes, it completely upsets your love.And she was like that. He spoke to you with an unparalleled enthusiasm, he looked you in the eye and smiled, and the next moment he stared at a point lost in the void, she was like that, she was able to go from one emotion to another in a second. A memory was enough. And she was beautiful when she remembered, she enchanted herself with her mouth open, wrinkles formed on the sides of her eyes because she squinted and squeezed in the effort and then, even more tender, she put a hand in front of her mouth, realizing what she was doing. he was thinking. And most of the time not to be beautiful things, despite her innocent appearance, because she blushed and looked around that nobody saw her, then clapped a hand on her forehead as if to say: what have I done ?! She was like that. It would get lost behind her and it would come to her mind and one would choose the air, break her heart, a sense of vertigo as if she were about to sink into a black hole. To keep herself anchored to reality she bit her lips until they bleed and stuck her nails in her palms. And then maybe on one side she regretted it, of certain details, but on the other side she smiled mischievously. She was like that. He was half angel and half temptation.Kisses against the wall. Kisses given with force. Kisses that take your breath away. Kisses given by mistake. The best mistake I could have made. Kisses off guard. Kisses given on the threshold of a door. Kisses with the tongue. Kisses without a tongue. Kisses with bites. Quick kisses. Long, slow kisses. Kisses on the neck. Kisses on the forehead. Kisses goodbye. You kiss that when you are angry you push him away by forcefully saying to leave you alone but then he pulls you hard and kisses you and you try to resist but you surrender to the touch of his lips. Kisses are the one thing we can’t avoid. The only temptation we cannot resist.And there is nothing more sublime than letting oneself go to temptation. The perversion of the forbidden, the adrenaline of error, the pleasure of discovering hell, the absurdity of denying heaven. We are fire and flame, what burns us, what burns us. We are heroin injected slowly, we are an absurd perception of ‘after death’. We are the time that stops, and the souls that touch. Ripping flesh, the most captivating pain I know. We will invent new sensations, explosions, nuclear disasters. We will be the thrill that pervades the body, the sensuality that intoxicates the senses. We will be cocaine, addiction, we will be a mistake, we will be the devil. There is nothing more beautiful than the perversion and the desire for it between two bodies that have understood. Understood, perhaps, deadly.The temptation The pleasure of an instant A simple action Small enscattante. And slowly it destroys Your poor soul And slowly it melts you That magnanimous pleasure. And fall and yield In the waves of time And fall back and recede It’s just a moment. Everything seems to take away While the heart despairs Praying for my soul My heart hopes. Your God you pray For salvation After you don’t fool yourself But it is your only certainty. Calling for forgiveness, Between sobs and salty cheeks, It is your only gift, You pray, with your veiled pupils.
Conrad. The good heart of Tenebra. How I loved Lord Jim !!! It was a happy time in my life. The only one. So, I can tell you that many words are beautiful but then it’s not that easy to find happiness. Especially if at 4 you found yourself a man who pushed one knee to your chest to rape you. Continued abuse for years has devastating consequences for a child. I have not eaten since 4 years. I ended up with injections and infusions. I no longer opened my mouth. Nobody understood what had happened to me. Then I unlocked thanks to my paternal grandmother and a hen, who became fond of me and made me understand that not all beings on this earth do harm. So as you can see I’m still alive and I owe this to the art that saved me by allowing me to express the immense anger and pain I had inside of me. I survived but at what price? I would have preferred that he had killed me because carrying death within him is even worse, you know. You often feel desperate. You fall into bad hands again. You get up and fall back and suffer. Until one day your father dies and you look in the mirror and suddenly you see your evil twin living violently. And so you become the executioner. But that doesn’t make you feel good either. Neither love nor pain can defeat the death that man made you suck. And what do you do? Therapy is done. You try everything but nothing is needed. There’s always that monster growling inside me. And I scream but nobody hears me. Nobody saved me that day.
THE PRODIGY OF IDEAS 