The greatest fear of those with a deep narcissistic wound is not to exist.
To be a nonentity.
The greatest shame that a person can suffer is to be ignored.
Seeking consensus and alliances through manipulation is one of his constant ways. In order to feel that she has consent, she is willing to do anything, even to mystify reality.
The person with a massive narcissistic wound develops high skills and abilities. He doesn't tell absurd lies, but starts from a fragment of reality that he twists properly, to such an extent that those who are manipulated doubt themselves.
Anyone who is so narcissistically compromised is actually profoundly alone and clings to an illusion of self.
In order to prove his worth, he is willing to do anything, to invent a love that doesn't exist, boast heroic deeds that never happened, distorting the facts.
He doesn't do it out of mere "malice".
He does this because the image of himself as a loser is in his own eyes intolerable. And it camouflages the sense of emptiness it feels with grandeur.
Those with this problem come to therapy exhausted and suffering. But he thinks it's the partner who needs to be fixed.
He never thinks he has a knot to solve. When this patient begins to understand that the splendor in which he thinks he lives falters, he runs away from therapy. He does not tolerate a long therapeutic path, feeling superior to others, he expects to resolve his malaise with a two-hour interview. Malaise that will deny even to himself.
His inner life is full of pain, fatigue and loneliness.
Never admitted.
They use other women to create competition and jealousy in their partner.
Exes can usually be placed by the narcissist in one of two categories:
fall in love with me
crazy.
The "crazy" exes are the ones who have seen through the psychopath's lies, have woken up and therefore refuse to take part in his perverse games again. These have not been left, but they have freed themselves, healed and definitively distanced themselves from the perverse. For this reason they are "crazy" in the eyes of the narcissist and are discredited in front of anyone.
The "in love with me" partners are those who believe they can still have some special role in the life of the psychopath / narcissist, they are still succubus and mostly in trauma bonding. When the psychopath moves away from the victim of the moment, he will recycle these old goals and convince them that they can still be soulmates.
By restarting the cycle of abuse, which will be shorter and more humiliating with these.
Why, though, do so many women fall into the narcissist's trap? Certainly for the very skilled mimetic abilities, reflecting the desires - lovebombing phase - typical of disturbed personalities, but not only.
Women approached by the toxic individual can react in different ways. Accept the stage of idealization and then, at the first signs of abuse, walk away. Or, and this is our case, they stay long enough to make them fall into the trap and become addictive and biochemically induced.
Many of us, especially the younger ones, have also had winning female role models to identify with, or losing models to walk away from. This has meant that many women have developed a strong ego, have achieved success, have increased their self-esteem
What I would like you to focus on is the fact that, regardless of successes and strength gained, almost all women have the internal image of the strong, protective, savior prince.
Jung would speak of animus, that is, the unconscious male part present in every woman. Here, this obviously unconscious part is characterized by the power characteristics mentioned above.
The speech is long, but I will only say that the companion that many of us seek is the strong warrior who protects.
We come to us: How does the narcissist show himself at the beginning of the relationship? It shows itself like this. Nurturing, attentive, protective, strong, in control, authoritative, loving but firm, paternal ...
This is why you can fall into the web of lies of manipulative people while being strong women.
In an incomparable way they know how to awaken the child and bring back to light the unconscious image of the "father".
When the narcissist decides to discard his victims he begins to use a technique also known as punitive silence or silence treatment. In short, he does not make himself heard, he does not let himself be traced, in the most serious cases he blocks the victim and obviously does not show himself.
The problem with this behavior is that it happens without any kind of explanation, or rather, without any kind of satisfactory explanation. The victim, in fact, in the devaluation phase will certainly have tried to recover the recoverable, seeking communication and confrontation. Obviously these will never arrive and in case some answer is received, it was certainly not the decisive one.
As mentioned, the narcissist wants the victim to be dependent on him even when he is not present. This means that he has done his job in the best possible way by becoming a very powerful ascendant. So how should the victim react? What is the best way not to succumb to this kind of behavior?
Simply ignoring. The narcissist should not be given the satisfaction that he has made it, even if in most cases, he always does. You don't have to point it out to him, you don't have to look for it and you have to use every means of communication carefully. Blocking the naricist on social networks is a very delicate key, it is correct to block him on social networks or whatsapp to limit contact with him in every way. But you only have to do it when you are sure you can do it! If for example it is blocked and after a few months unblocked because you feel nostalgia for it or any other reason that leads to this action, you are giving it unparalleled power.
It is like serving him his dignity on a silver platter, he will use it again to prostrate the victim and is turning his hand a little more. So, to block it and totally eliminate it from social networks you have to be sure you can do it, otherwise it's better not to do it. You can use other methods such as the function of hiding its updates or the function of facebook "take a break". He will not notice anything and the victim will be "saved".
The narcissistic woman can present herself as the perfect woman and partner: intelligent, cultured, brilliant, attentive, kind, determined to fulfill herself, dedicated both to work and to the couple and to the family, but she can also present herself as fragile and as a victim to be saved. After the first phase of idyll in which the partner is idealized as special, anger, dissatisfaction, constant criticism, devaluation, emotional blackmail using the sense of guilt, punishment if he does not get what he wants. Jealousy, arrogance, vindictiveness emerge, the constant need for confirmation of being special. However, unlike the narcissist man who tends to suddenly become repulsive, the woman, while launching continuous recriminations and criticisms, continues to demand affection and attention, making it more difficult for the other person to extricate himself from the feelings of guilt, from the doubt of being emotionally inadequate. and not to give enough.
The narcissistic woman, just like the narcissistic man, weaves her web through affective manipulation, often using her very seductive aspect: she knows how to choose her victim in her greatest moment of need and every man can be attracted to her bewitching " song of the sirens ". At the beginning, therefore, she becomes the savior of the man / victim by nourishing his desire to feel important and esteemed: he covers the man with attention, fills his inner and emotional voids, making him feel invincible; induces him, in a subtle and suggestive way, to take "steps longer than his leg", destined for sure failure as they do not adhere to a given reality, but are artfully conceived with the sole intent of feeding the man / victim through the reinforcement of an ideal and grandiose self-image.
The narcissist is almost always manipulative, capable of establishing ambiguous relationships and bonds just to have financial support, power and gifts. He often looks for men who are insecure, clueless, inexperienced and virgin. She seduces them by making them believe she is a beautiful princess, a queen, a beautiful lady, who only wants to give love. Instead, look for victims to get money and gifts from.
She is convinced that she is great and unique, a special being, deeply envied, the holder of the truth. It requires continuous proofs of love and recognition and reads the reality around it, even the most authentic, with Machiavellian malice.
She becomes deeply entangled and tries to change the man in all his essential characteristics, deepening in him a pervasive and pervasive sense of inadequacy.
He is never enough and never does enough, he is certainly not a real man, he does not correspond to how he should be and he never corresponds to her ideal. She doesn't like anything about him and the criticism involves all aspects: his work, his family, his status.
The relationship becomes an earthquake whose epicenter is her unhappiness due to his inadequacy and the unfortunate's attempts to respond adaptively to high demands.
It is a relationship centered on great events and great dramas: betrayals, interruptions and reunions even when everything seemed highly compromised.
She always has other men, in addition to the chosen victim, which she uses to get money, paid bills, jewelry, gifts, beauty treatments, ... because to maintain her seductive appearance she must always resort to beauty centers to always show herself perfect and desirable. Thus the man-victim will not be able to help but desire it.
Narcissistic women (in the overt version) are bright, extroverted, interesting women, very focused on themselves, their physical appearance, their fulfillment and their goals; apparently they do not seem anaffective, cold and calculating, indeed often, they are perfectionist women, who dedicate themselves to the couple and the family, in such an obsessive way, as to be attentive to even the slightest defect of the other, always ready to reproach it, if , this defect may disregard their expectations as a woman or as a mother.
However, as in the case of men, the narcissistic woman never enters into intimacy with the other (avoidance of intimacy), does not want to show herself fragile, cannot lose, cannot lower herself, cannot risk compromising herself in the relationship. authentic with the other, for this reason the other must become as you believe that an ideal man should be.
It can be more difficult for a man to go and ask for help from a therapist, because there are still present prejudices towards this professional figure. Furthermore, man complains less about his problems, often avoiding to affirm that they exist, he is ashamed to admit to being a victim, preferring to withdraw into himself.
The other is perceived as an object rather than a subject with which to relate and in this sense, a pure instrument of self-satisfaction. In fact, she dominates man, even if she deceives him that it is the opposite. She makes him fall madly in love, binds him to himself with almost non-existent sexual relations, so that he desires her more and more, humiliating himself and giving many gifts to try to convince him to love her. But the narcissistic woman plays the part of the unattainable queen, sovereign of desires, and the man becomes her doormat. The trouble is that the man is lucky to have the attention of such a beautiful woman and therefore does not realize that he is being exploited and used.
Loving oneself and loving others are two inseparable things, one the reflection of the other.
This makes me think of narcissists, who in the common imagination are people who love only themselves.
But starting from the premise made, we understand that their love for themselves is no less sick than that felt by those who love others without loving themselves.
In both cases it is a simple compensation of infantile needs, neither is pure love. But society only takes it out on narcissists (and their invisible insecurities) and instead puts those who love others on a pedestal to satisfy their ego.
We are perpetually deceived by the courteous and kind manners of certain people which lead us to think that there is a correspondence between them and the goodness of soul.
On the other hand, among the most common masks and disguises of ugly people, inside there are beautiful manners.
They serve to sidetrack the real thoughts they have about others and relieve their feelings of guilt.
A person with strong narcissistic dynamics does not tolerate being left behind. Not because he cares about you. Because he wants to manage the waste. If she is the one to leave, she does so naturally and without scruples. If one dares to leave it, it will not be tolerated. Often he will try to hang up and then be able to suddenly get out of the relationship, keeping the image of himself victorious. Let us remember in all this what is important to her is not you. It is to safeguard itself. There are people who tend to get overwhelmed and humiliate themselves with everyone in the most varied contexts. When you get used to overstepping your limits because you are unable to oppose, rebel and say no, you enter a deadly loop in which you lose your borders. To the sense of humiliation you risk to become anesthetized and never get out of it.
The opportunities for awakening, however, happen to everyone sooner or later and it is one that must be taken advantage of to be indignant and raise one's head.
Living crushed, humiliated, submissive and bent can cause premature death or eternal unhappiness. Saving opportunities need to be seized as they arise. It is only the idiots who do not know how to grasp them and remain in their mire.
It's not your fault you stay in the mud. It's just happening that someone or somebody, a narcissistic person, is using you and manipulating you to get something: money, sex, success, gifts.
There is no narcissist, man or woman, who does not lead a double or triple life.
Victims are always very surprised by this because, among the various deceptions they implement, they manage to make you feel unique when they are there.
And so we tend not to ask ourselves where they are when they are not there.
The answer is simple: to tell someone else bullshit. Victims of perverse narcissists and psychopaths in general should focus on their own narcissistic wounds and fear of rejection in particular. Because it is precisely when you insist on staying close to the bastards, at all costs, that the process of self-destruction begins. Staying next to an abused will only amplify a wound that will never heal.
The essential principle of recovering from the trauma of a relationship with a psychopath is through total and complete acceptance of the truth.
This truth is only betrayal. This truth is very painful, but it is the only one that can heal the wound of a betrayal [abuse] trauma.
Not accepting the truth causes the brain to generate the worst reactions, functioning like a computer that is stuck and does not advance.
The first and most necessary reset of your brain is assuming from the beginning of your recovery the ultimate truth of your own innocence and the undeserving of what happens to you.
You were betrayed by someone who shouldn't have done it.
Years of "blame treatment" by a psychopath can convince his victims that it's all their fault.
The truth is, loving a psychopath is scary to those who experience it.
His inability to feel and experience emotions leads him to a surprisingly frightening emotional coldness for his victims.
A life devoid of emotions bores them and, for this reason, they seek in betrayal, risk, deception or overcoming any moral or legal limit the way to be able to get out of that deadly tedium in which they live, thus generating emotions that devastate the partner.
His moral inability to take responsibility for his actions, his harsh and callous behavior, his sense of grandiosity and of deserving everything without any effort to achieve it, leads the psychopath to refuse to feel discomfort, guilt or remorse for his indolent, parasitic, unfair or directly predatory behavior.
It is always others who are to blame.
It is usually necessary to remind the victim that he is innocent. It's not his fault, but the psychopath's.
The victim did nothing to deserve this destruction. There is nothing that justifies what one suffers at the hands of the psychopath.
One of the most positive aspects of working with patients who have been victims of a relationship with a psychopath is the fact that the suffering they bring is of such caliber that they are more motivated than any other type of patient to do "whatever" you propose to get out. from the well.
In this sense, having suffered so much in a psychopathic relationship offers the best therapeutic predictions.
If you go ahead and believe in the truth of your innocence and have hope, you will heal your relationship with the psychopath and learn to prevent and anticipate in time any further trauma of abuse that may appear in your life.
To believe that you will move forward is to have hope. And hope is the best prognosis for your recovery.
Believe me when I tell you that all of this will end, and you will go on, even if now you don't see anything and you find yourself in the dark. Start turning on the light and be determined to move forward from truth and recovered innocence.
In many years on the internet and at work I have listened to many love stores and read many stories of finished, disappointed, dead, finished loves. Why are there millions of people who suffer so much from love?
Men and women who cry, suffer, spend so much energy looking for love that it will then make them desperate, sad, depressed.
Why hurt yourself by not knowing the dynamics of love and narcissism?
Millions of people suffer from unrequited loves, due to anaffective, narcissistic, pathological and pcycopathic people.
Toxic love affairs ruin life.
Why can't these men and women avoid them?
There is a basic principle of psychology according to which each of us tends to expect from our neighbor what he himself would do. And in fact in my life those who are most suspicious, to the limits of the improbable, are also those who are most likely to put it in your ass as soon as you turn your back. They are the most insecure because having no solid moral principles they do not believe that others can have any and for this they look over their shoulder. What is even more serious is that insecurity is a virus that spreads very easily, just let it slip into a small crack and that idea will remain there as the keystone of all your other thoughts (do you know the inception top?) . This is why conspiracy theories have such an easy and fast spread: they leverage the insecurities and the rottenness of society, and in this particular historical moment, in which people are more narcissistic than ever, they are finding fertile ground to destroy every glimmer of faith. remained.
When a narcissist falls in love he does so exclusively towards himself.
Most narcissists belong to the typology of egocentrism, not altruism. An egotist is a person who has a perpetually positioned focus on himself with low levels of empathy towards others.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissus man, what you do not want to expect is that the latter can feel sincere love for you, it is simply impossible for him, even if he thinks he loves you.
Your dreams of romance and affection, as well as your plans for a rosy future in the name of a harmonious family with him, can be annihilated in an instant.
However, you may have decided to embark on your sentimental adventure at the expense of those who tell you that daffodils are a bad deal.
You may find yourself wrestling with the beautiful, hermitic, social, perfect, or histrionic narcissus.
This man, or this woman, is the one who can develop the tendency to become a full-blown stalker of the pathological and dangerous ones because he is able to develop fury towards the partner and it is the hermit narcissus. When a narcissist falls in love (according to him) with a woman and it is a type defined as the social narcissist, then one will have to deal with his tendency to put a third character between the couple and the script tends to repeat itself to the Infinity.
He will do it without realizing it because he is driven by the instinct of the need to manipulate by making him feel jealous.
They are the classic social artists, the ones who tell you that they are always full of commitments between parties, meetings and dance halls. The same people who receive phone call after phone call from friends, partners, relatives, ready to support him in his businesses.
Women who find themselves in relationship with social daffodils experience the pains of hell between jealousy and stress wisely induced by the narcissus, which keeps them imprisoned with refined manipulations.
Are you dating the handsome narcissist?
Get ready to take a yoga class, autogenic training or holistic disciplines because your cortisol (stress hormone) could skyrocket.
Cortisol will cause your facial skin to age in just a few weeks. Even your hair will start to turn white due to narcissist-induced stress.
The beautiful narcissist makes his aesthetics the adoration of the gods to the point of transferring you a strange discomfort, namely: making you feel unattractive on an aesthetic level in order to involve you even more.
The beautiful narcissist in fact focuses his instinctual manipulation on the levers of the beautiful, ugly, harmonious, disharmonious. He keeps his partner in constant tension precisely by enhancing their aesthetic defects with a cutting humor.
Try to notice the humor used by the handsome narcissist and you will see that everything comes back.
You feel extremely confused like a lost sheep, and you so much need a quick solution in facts, not in gossip and theories.
You've read, studied, and gathered information about narcissists, but it didn't help you in practice.
So, let's try to understand each other ... none of the suggestions you applied derived from the advice of friends and family has worked, right?
Much less the monotonous theories expressed by the luminaries on the internet, those concerning how to deal with narcissists of any kind.
And you know well that it is not as easy to "detach yourself from him" as those who respect you continue to suggest you do but without lifting a finger to help you face the real world
Because the narcissus appears at first glance as the right man, that man you have been waiting to meet all your life.
This is where the great DECEPTION hides.
The narcissist is intelligent, calculating, able to take the form of the prince charming you so desire. When this happens, then you know that his attention and commitment to manipulate you starts to increase because he feels he no longer has you in his grasp.
There are some daffodils like the hermitic who really believe they love a woman, they become suffocating and possessive ... and they think they are also full of reason.
They are those who are unable to accept rejection (seal) or abandonment. If it happens it is an EARTHQUAKE and the ordeal begins.
The hermit is the most dangerous of the narcissus types because he does not accept the cold closure of a relationship by the partner.
You will recognize him by his exaggerations while he talks to you about himself, by the fact that he has few friends and by the word "sincerity" that comes out recurrently from his mouth ... precisely because he is the liar in the first place.
It is the hermitic who makes the lie his first weapon of control, and it is he who can switch into a stalker and make your life a veritable hell. When dealing with such "ignoble beings of soul" (even if they are without fault of it) it is necessary to have the finesse to know how to recognize them and treat them in the right mogo at the first try.
What they exactly do to their partner?
They abandon it and then bring it back together (strategy of false abandonment).
They humorously reject it and then re-accept it.
They judge it strategically / devalue it and then magnify and console it (judgment ploy).
Conditioning the relationship with rules and setting constraints to then make her feel free instead (conditioning strategy).
They compare her to another woman indirectly and then privilege her and make her feel successful (bankruptcy comparison strategy)
Narcissists, men and women, make the lives of those around them hard just by being who they are. They will NEVER change. This statement may seem extreme until you listen to the stories of those who have been victims of a narcissist. Only then will you realize how toxic relationships with these individuals can be.
Narcissists overestimate themselves and devalue others, which means they will do it with you too. You will never be treated as equals, you will never be respected and, in the future, you will be devalued out of necessity, so that they can overestimate themselves.
Never expect a narcissist to admit a mistake or apologize to you. The blame is always directed towards the outside, never towards the inside. Narcissists have no concept of self-awareness or introspection, although they are quick to see flaws in others.
They expect to always be forgiven and that you forget everything but, above all, that you never challenge them in public. You have to remember that they want to look perfect to their audience, that they don't want to be embarrassed or contradicted, and that, otherwise, they will make you pay dearly. Narcissists lie without worrying about the truth, because lies are useful for controlling and manipulating others. When you catch them in a lie, they will tell you that it is you who are lying, wrong, or have misunderstood. Prepare to be attacked and to receive counter-accusations. When narcissists are kind, they can be very nice; but if you still feel insecure, it is because you know that there is a play behind it and not a real feeling. Kindness is a tool for social survival - a means of getting what they want, like needing a hammer to hang a picture.
You may ask yourself: "What can I do?". Wisdom advise you to consult a qualified professional to guide you.
It is wise, but not always possible.
BASED ON MY EXPERIENCE, THE ONLY SOLUTION THAT WORKS IS TO TAKE DISTANCES FROM THE INDIVIDUAL AS SOON AS YOU RECOGNIZE HIM FOR WHAT IT IS, OR AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
As your psychic wounds heal, you will earn your life improve and feel your dignity restored.
As painful as it may be to walk away, it is often the only way to stop the pain and regain your well-being.
THE PRODIGY OF IDEAS 