Are there subtle blackmails that constantly keep you on some sort of hanging thread? between guilt and terror of letting go.
Whoever exercises this power over you has the constant ability to bring you back in line, every time you disregard his expectations, every time you move on you. All this affects you, your daily life, your freedom.
The fear of giving up those roles that are all you know, all you recognize, is biting.
Getting out of these constant reproaches is necessary, giving up everything that triggers this mechanism is fundamental.
The breath that breaks, the sense of guilt that digs inside,
the fear of losing everything and losing you too, is central.
“You don’t give me what I expect, I ignore you, not recognizing you as I recognized you before, because you are no longer deserving that award”. Letting go is difficult,
giving up your role within that circle of trust is complicated, being afraid of not being able to “exist and recognize yourself” without the other is a focal point. Yet we can and absolutely must, to the point that it will no longer be what the other does but what you absolutely will no longer allow.


It happens like this, that sometimes I think of you randomly and I come back to mind, while I try to live and waste time, your memory is a bit confused but it is there and it happens that I review everything we have been through together, which is little, but you do not know how much a person like me is able to feed on crumbs and believe that it will be forever it happens that I lose heart if I think of you and I have lost you but what can I do, what could I do then, I wonder what I could give you more than what it was and the answer is that I’m sorry because I showed you who I was with my sweetest side, perhaps the one that so few have seen, that I hadn’t seen myself until you. it happens that sometimes, so late at night, it occurs to me how you held me that night in your arms and how my head sank into your neck and how little I cared if my hair was swollen and my legs not long and skinny but you liked them anyway and you always put your hands in my hair repeating how beautiful they were and I remember the feeling of your mouth on mine and even the sound of that kiss that we exchanged so many times, it echoes in mine it lies like a snap and makes more and more noise, more and more until it happens it happens that thinking of you starts to hurt me, and I feel a little dying and a little sad because we no longer exist, you and I it happens that I have to delete the images and slow down the heartbeat that could burst it happens that so randomly I think of you and I would like to know if you are okay, send you a message but I have deleted your number and then I can only think of you without looking for you without looking for those who do not want to be found, and it happens that sometimes life is just a big mess.

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