I’M NOT VIRTUAL

Evenings spent in front of a pizza with the sand between your feet and the roar of the sea. You played an ocher guitar, I with my head between your legs, I watched you sing. We waited for the sunrise to go home, so that time would not pass, so that the summer would not end. You asked me to dance for you, I loved dancing, but with your eyes looking at me even more. You told me that some summers are never forgotten. That certain nights by the sea are for a few. Go home at 6 on tiptoe so as not to make noise, with my hair that smelled of the sea with my skin that smelled of you. Falling asleep and realizing it wasn’t just a dream. Some summers don’t forget you were right. But sorry if I can’t remember your name anymore. The virtual communities that have replaced the natural ones, create only the illusion of intimacy and a fiction of community. They are no substitutes for sitting together at a table, looking at each other, having a real conversation. Nor are these virtual communities capable of giving substance to personal identity, the primary reason for seeking them. If anything, they make it more difficult than it already is to agree with oneself. People walk here and there with earphones talking loudly alone, like schizophrenics, paranoid, oblivious to what is around them. Introspection is an activity that is disappearing. More and more people, when they find themselves facing moments of loneliness in their car, on the street or at the supermarket checkout, instead of collecting their thoughts, check if there are messages on the mobile phone to have some shred of evidence that shows them that someone is somewhere. part, maybe he wants them or needs them.
I would like to escape from here: I would like to go to another world or even, simply, in another place – maybe somewhere far away a place even beyond the sea. I would like to escape from here why all this world I don’t understand it at all: it seems unfair, distant it seems terrible, perfidious. Exhibitionist. I would like to go to another world, but I believe that even in another single era it might be enough for me because I’m not the first and I’m not the last to feel out of place to hate this era and the generation that lives it – my own generation. I wanted to live elsewhere: in other times in other spaces in other fashions, where a like on Instagram was not enough to woo you and they didn’t dedicate a song to you on Facebook but they invited you for a coffee or maybe two – even three – and they asked you to talk about yourself – because someone willing to listen to you it’s the best thing there is. I wanted the technology not to exist – indeed, that it existed yes, but in the right way within the limits. I wanted love to be shown in other ways not with photos on social media at all times or posts here and there full of cheesy phrases or senseless digs. I wanted a world just different from this world where they always kept in mind the right principles where rancor was always neglected, but above all technology, because technology has ruined many things and destroyed relationships, but most of all it made us more distant: because if we are happy, we write it on Facebook and if we are sad, we publish a sad sentence. I wanted a world that did not take us further and further, but that every moment draws us closer, where the technology was used only in extreme cases and not every day to say “I love you” to say “fuck you, it’s over”.
But you imagine a different world where we move our hands only to touch other hands to caress faces and not to touch infinite screens? Can you imagine it how many things would have been different how many of us would have been happy? Because eye to eye is something else entirely from profiles on profiles chat on chat “is typing” on “online”. A different world, that’s all I wanted everything I asked for. I wanted a world where love and feelings had nothing to do with exhibitionism: more complicated of course, less easy, but still more and more true. I wanted a world where there is no surrender for an unanswered view, where you had the courage to go under the house and throw stones at the glass of the window of his room to ask her to open up and speak to shout at her the truest “I love you” in the world. I wanted a world that I have always called “world of letters” where I could smell her perfume trapped between the lines of a letter arrived after a long time with the adrenaline of reading it with the anxiety “who knows if it comes”. I wanted to live in the world of letters to keep all the letters you would send me under the pillow to have good dreams, sleep with your perfume and wake up happy even when I reach out my arm from the largest part of the bed that I always leave you free – in case you come back – and I can’t find you.
How can we say that you and I are not now somehow linked by a chat, albeit virtual, nonetheless real? How do we say that just because I can’t reach out and touch yours we are not real acquaintances anyway? How can we deny having known each other, perhaps in the depths, only because we could not meet our eyes. Yet physical contact is so important, despite the fact that there are so many people around who never touch. What is this contact of minds, brains and hearts? How it works, How could it ever matter who I am physically, what my voice is like or what my smell is like, if we never meet? I was brought up and raised in a certain way. They taught me what respect is, the value of words and feelings. They gave me the ability to listen and explained that it is my right to speak. They taught me what a heart and a sincere feeling is. That not everything is real and that not everything can be played with. I have carried these values, these principles and these teachings with me always! Growing up, however, I learned that it is not always possible to respect all this. I realized that I didn’t have to lose what I was taught, but that along with it I had to learn to respond and defend myself. To ignore the stupidity. To leave hypocrisy and lies to his way. I have learned that silence is often more sacred and cutting than many words and that sometimes there are words that cannot and must not be kept silent. I don’t care about the saying “Always do good and even where you receive evil turn the other cheek”! Not me, I protect the other cheek with all of myself if you step on my feet, if you hurt me and I lack respect. I have no interest in saying who I am and how much I am worth, the only interest I have is to live with these priorities… I prefer to show it instead of saying it. Words are short-lived, the facts remain, you always remember them and leave something of you, for better or for worse. I understood that the words of “people” often hurt, they hurt me too. Then I also realized that from the words of truth to the words of those who are only interested in destroying you, there is an essential difference, and that some words not only must not touch you, but must not even be heard. I understood that I have to take with me who matters and who is worth, but to leave to his path those who should not be part of my life. And from the moment they are no longer a part, everything they say and do does not have and will never have the slightest value or even the slightest attention on my part.

COMING HOME FROM HOLIDAYS

I love coming home after the holidays. Because at home, I will be able to sleep peacefully without neighbors who shout late on their balcony. In my house I can swim without sharing the pool with other people. But above all I will be able to see my treasures, my loves, my wonderful puppies: Valkirya and Spritz. I love coming home from vacation because my home is the most comfortable place for me, the place where I have all my things in their place, and I always find them.
And here we are back home. We look around and see books, exams, school, work, which have been waiting for us all summer long. We went to the beach, we laughed, we ran, we practiced sports that we will never do again, we made new friends, found old ones, found new loves, we had so much fun, so much to forget, we sometimes drank too much, sometimes too little, we slept, we saw the sun rise and we saw the stars fall, we saw village festivals, heard religious choirs and stadium choirs, we listened to music too loud. We made promises we didn’t keep, we went out of windows and balconies because the doors were too loud, we sang and danced. We brought out the best in us !!! But, after having lived all this, with what desire do you sit back in a chair, grab a pen again or put on your tie again? The smile is always on the lips and if the memory is so funny it also happens that you escape a laugh, the distraction is at least in my case it is always lurking. Yet I can not hate the book in front of me and which in theory is separating me from the last days of summer. Oh no, because even if for now this seems a difficult task to face I understand, or rather I force myself to believe that all these efforts will lead to something one day. And then you know, without the bitter, my friend, the sweet is not so sweet.
Every trip is an experience and no experience is ever useless, everything serves to teach you something if you have the patience and the ability to receive the message. Goodbye, sea, until I know how to better appreciate what you have to offer, see you the day when I will be able to enjoy your beauty without looking for it elsewhere and your rhythms without suffering its slowness. The holidays officially end today for me. Ok, I’m lucky that I’ve had several days at home, of course, but tomorrow we go back and say that I don’t have half of starting over even comes close to describing the little desire I have to resume. But you have to. In spite of some colleague objectively, humanly and professionally useless, of the various problems and of everything that concerns working, I am well aware of my luck. Except that experiencing my ideal life, that is the perfect tourist, for two weeks has a negative side: that I get used to it. Netflix, cats, reading, time to do whatever I can think of … in short, the perfect life that I would give myself if I could not have to work. But I’m not rich enough, so we’re always there, back to square one. Tomorrow we start again. Once I got angry and struggled like a fish already caught on a hook that tries anyway and pathetically to free itself. It’s different now. Now I am resigned. The life I want, I can’t have it. Like almost everyone in the world, so shut up.
Two weeks went by like hours, but it took me a lot, it took a lot. I took my mind off everything as it hadn’t happened for some time, I focused on us, on our little holiday, on the holidays and on the family. And I understood many things, I think we have grown on all fronts, first of all the importance of having you by my side and the desire for a life together with you. Because it is true that after all this time a sentence like this seems almost banal, but you are a little bit my compass, you are my point of reference for everything. And no, maybe we won’t be perfect, (I have the big nose, you have the hips, because that’s what really matters!), But I love a little more even in the same since you are here. You made me discover a new world, you made me a child again and at the same time we are growing up together. And beyond everything, my life is perfect, complete since you are here.

WE’RE ANIMALS

It’s just a question of survival. Just this. There is nothing else. All with the same purpose. Nothing is really what it seems. Looking for someone. Find someone. And then endure, suffer and suffer for work, for food, for children, for something wrong, because there is always something wrong. Why don’t you eat with love. What life would this be? We might as well tear ourselves apart like wolves instead of gradually wounding ourselves in the same place. If there is no food, the aggression of human beings comes out. If no resources are found, we all become ferocious wolves. We are animals and not evolved beings. We are still guided by our biology. We have hormones that make us do things we later regret. But we can’t cancel these hormones. Animals adapt better than humans. They don’t have to match clothes or wear makeup. They just need to show mane or feathers. They don’t have to get hold of various trappings to show their role. Human beings waste a lot of energy to earn money and show themselves in a certain way. And the whole is built. I mean that animals show what they have naturally had. Human beings, on the other hand, show what they got with money. The adaptation is therefore more complicated because it requires the use of more resources. Human beings rely on beauty but women choose money. If we put Briatore and any handsome young man with him would you choose? Briatore. Many guys recently call themselves Incel and have focused on their ugliness as a yardstick for their failure with women. But they did not understand that women look at money and not at the face. If a man shows up in a fancy suit or expensive car and designer clothes and a lot of money rest assured that most of the girls will say okay. The girls of this generation obviously, because that of the previous generation were satisfied with a man with a steady job. Now, however, the girls want the absolute rich.

LOVE IS NOT THE ANSWER

If I think back to how much love I gave to people who didn’t want it, how many disappointments I had, how much sadness and suffering, how much anticipation and anger! now it doesn’t seem true that the end of all this has come. I poured my love into hearts that did not feel, into souls that did not live. I gave myself to people dead inside, to those who did not know what it meant to love, to those who do not yet know what it means to love. I painted love in minds that just wanted not to love. I tried, tried, risked everything about myself, even my sanity, my inner well-being. And all because within me this energy needed to flow out, to be given to others, to expand, to go out and fulfill itself. After so much wandering, the unexpected landing is the best thing. Where you never thought you could find a place of peace and serenity, you arrive right there by chance, discovering that everything that was was only a prelude and to what would come after. After so much torment, so much existential fatigue, after every conflict and inner struggle, now I can say that everything has taken its place within me. That there was a total stop of that wild and dangerous flood that came out of me every time I tried to stop myself. That noisy and chaotic waterfall that poured onto the other, like an explosion of uncontrollable energy, now flows by itself in a different way. The tiger that roared inside the lotus flower has now disappeared and the lotus flower has opened and shines with light never seen before. My Tai Chi master had seen well, but it was I who couldn’t see because the times weren’t right yet. There was all that water that stirred my heart, which deprived me of that vision of myself that I still could not have. Because I was not yet ready for enlightenment. Now I understand that enlightenment can only be found if it is not sought. It comes at a time when you don’t look for it at all and you may feel you can never even get there because you are not the type, because you do not have that way of seeing or feeling. Because you are in the hell of life and you can’t think that anything else can exist. It comes at a time when the last thought of your life is to have that vision and that peace that you have always dreamed of. And only now do I understand why it is so difficult to describe it to others, why it is difficult to find the words that can describe such an inner state. It is a bit like when Buddhists try to explain that suffering does not exist and that it is only a construction of man. If I go to see what has been inside me so far, I find nothing but nothing. But it is that nothing that is stupendous, that is a whole. Because becoming nothing, becoming emptiness is a splendid thing. Nothing has become my past. There is no longer any trace of it inside me. There is no one and no thing. Everything has vanished into the nothingness that I am now. A lotus flower needs only water to grow and water is the only source it needs. Everything else no longer exists. The inner light is the only source, the rest is something that never comes. My being is aware of the journey it has made to become the Void, and the acquired well-being is extraordinary. Because my being no longer needs anything. Love, anger, life, sun, food, friendship, internet,… ..all these things seem made of smoke to me. I am like an impalpable fog inside me. No sensation comes to me from the outside but it is my being that flows and that’s enough for me. Before, the world was the fertilizer for my plant. Now my plant grows by itself, has its roots in the sky and the sap comes from the light. It does not need anything else. The void needs nothing else. My heart is still beating, it is alive, yes, but inside my heart there is only infinite light. Inside me there is only one lotus flower that blooms every day.

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