I WAS A FLOWER

I wasn't like that before, I was a flower, simple, unaware,

easy to love but also to walk on, I was free from fears and prejudices, I was beautiful in my naivety; I looked at others thinking that they were like me, I saw the good everywhere, I did not perceive the back thoughts, I did not understand the distorted perspectives, the evil end only in itself. I was clean, too transparent, I let anyone into my heart. I loved in the only way I knew: instinctively and completely.

Then that flower was mistreated, ignored, laughed at, hurt, rejected, abandoned.

It lost its beauty but remained firmly planted on the ground because it had strong and long roots.

But nothing has been the same as before.

I surrounded myself with obstacles and walls, higher and higher, I closed myself so as not to reveal the thoughts of my heart to anyone. I hid, as best I could, so as not to be found. I attacked because I had no other weapons to defend myself.

And now I have become a flower covered with thorns, perhaps I am no longer beautiful to look at. Maybe not even to love.

But I await those who patiently know how to extricate themselves, who will accept to get hurt, who will not look at the thorns but will see beyond, who will simply free me.

COOLNESS OF THE WOOD

Keep the plant secrets, your sap,
the song of the birds always keep it close to you,
the feathers inside your heart,
repeat every day that you are one of them: creature.
Look at the shadow, the night city, go away from there, look for the coolness of the wood,
get away from the corrupt people,
you live among the cepre, the gallibes, each of them has true love, all human beings do not.
Preserve your last years
from the disaster of the powerful egoists, preserved by the power that will dry the bodies to make them eternal.
On your open hand the deer will come to graze,
and you will stop killing yourself and find peace again.

PLANTS IN MY LIFE

Today I went to the nursery and bought four seedlings: an orchid, an ivy, a calathea and a begonia. Begonia is already half-dying because it has been mistreated during the journey. It is a bit bruised and bent to the right and so now to make it stand straight I have stuck a crutch in the ground. The calathea is not having peace because, although it has been in my hands for three hours, it has already undergone numerous transfers: after staying ten minutes on the dresser in my room, it has walked countless times the corridor that leads from the bathroom to the kitchen and from the kitchen to the bath. I still haven’t figured out where it looks best. The ivy and the orchid, for now, are having a quiet life.

Yesterday I was watering some plants When I got to basil Not before, not after, but especially during watering I could smell that fragrance of basil, so intense It was a great feeling If we want to be a little more metaphysical, we could say that basil, thanking us for the water we give it, gives us this wonderful scent

I bought the liquid chlorophyll drops (as I am not easily influenced) I literally toured 3 pharmacies and 2 herbalists for these blessed drops and in the end, after drinking chlorophyll on the first day, I stopped drinking it because it tasted like grass (but I already knew it before I bought it). I would like to start drinking it regularly because part of me hopes to turn green like Shrek and move to a little house away from everyone

People, relationships are like flowers and plants. They need a lot of attention: the light, the vase, the temperature, the habitat, the watering, all different depending on the flower you are talking about. And so do the people. We cannot expect to water an orchid every day because it would rot and die, just as we cannot expect to keep a plant in the sun that does not need direct light, a tropical flower in the cold or a winter plant in the heat. And instead we usually think that plants and flowers are all the same, we water them when we remember it, we keep them where they best adorn our home and then if they die we don’t even recognize that we haven’t been able to understand them well. A person needs the right attention, not what we believe is right for all people, but exactly what he or she needs.

People are like plants. Some are alike, others are completely different. Some have flowers, and they are beautiful just to look at, others have fruits that give nourishment, and still others have thorns … And they hurt. Some plants if you water them once no longer need water for some time, and indeed, if they have too much, they die. Other plants, on the other hand, need constant care and lots of water. Plants die in the dark. In the light they find life. And people too. Oh well I don’t have a green thumb and people don’t know about me.

To become a plant, the seed needs two things: the right soil and who takes care of it. Love, hate, anger, serenity, friendship and all our feelings are born in the garden of our heart and sometimes on the border of another person. If they only grow inside of us, we are the ones who have to cut the roots that seem harmful to us. If, on the other hand, the roots grow on two neighboring lands, there are two people who must take care of them. If one of the two cuts the roots, the plant can no longer feed and over time slowly and painfully dies. If no one takes care of it, the tree does not grow and dies. If one of the two looks for a way to make it grow, he will never succeed because only one part of the tree feeds and the other does not and therefore it is better to uproot it even if in that way the tree of pain will first sprout while on the other side it will grow. faster the tree of indifference or joy for having freed itself of a burden. It is not up to us to decide which seeds to plant but which seeds to ripen

LOVE IS NOT THE ANSWER

If I think back to how much love I gave to people who didn’t want it, how many disappointments I had, how much sadness and suffering, how much anticipation and anger! now it doesn’t seem true that the end of all this has come. I poured my love into hearts that did not feel, into souls that did not live. I gave myself to people dead inside, to those who did not know what it meant to love, to those who do not yet know what it means to love. I painted love in minds that just wanted not to love. I tried, tried, risked everything about myself, even my sanity, my inner well-being. And all because within me this energy needed to flow out, to be given to others, to expand, to go out and fulfill itself. After so much wandering, the unexpected landing is the best thing. Where you never thought you could find a place of peace and serenity, you arrive right there by chance, discovering that everything that was was only a prelude and to what would come after. After so much torment, so much existential fatigue, after every conflict and inner struggle, now I can say that everything has taken its place within me. That there was a total stop of that wild and dangerous flood that came out of me every time I tried to stop myself. That noisy and chaotic waterfall that poured onto the other, like an explosion of uncontrollable energy, now flows by itself in a different way. The tiger that roared inside the lotus flower has now disappeared and the lotus flower has opened and shines with light never seen before. My Tai Chi master had seen well, but it was I who couldn’t see because the times weren’t right yet. There was all that water that stirred my heart, which deprived me of that vision of myself that I still could not have. Because I was not yet ready for enlightenment. Now I understand that enlightenment can only be found if it is not sought. It comes at a time when you don’t look for it at all and you may feel you can never even get there because you are not the type, because you do not have that way of seeing or feeling. Because you are in the hell of life and you can’t think that anything else can exist. It comes at a time when the last thought of your life is to have that vision and that peace that you have always dreamed of. And only now do I understand why it is so difficult to describe it to others, why it is difficult to find the words that can describe such an inner state. It is a bit like when Buddhists try to explain that suffering does not exist and that it is only a construction of man. If I go to see what has been inside me so far, I find nothing but nothing. But it is that nothing that is stupendous, that is a whole. Because becoming nothing, becoming emptiness is a splendid thing. Nothing has become my past. There is no longer any trace of it inside me. There is no one and no thing. Everything has vanished into the nothingness that I am now. A lotus flower needs only water to grow and water is the only source it needs. Everything else no longer exists. The inner light is the only source, the rest is something that never comes. My being is aware of the journey it has made to become the Void, and the acquired well-being is extraordinary. Because my being no longer needs anything. Love, anger, life, sun, food, friendship, internet,… ..all these things seem made of smoke to me. I am like an impalpable fog inside me. No sensation comes to me from the outside but it is my being that flows and that’s enough for me. Before, the world was the fertilizer for my plant. Now my plant grows by itself, has its roots in the sky and the sap comes from the light. It does not need anything else. The void needs nothing else. My heart is still beating, it is alive, yes, but inside my heart there is only infinite light. Inside me there is only one lotus flower that blooms every day.