The original meaning of the word lose is literally "to ruin" which is then reflected in the concept of being deprived.
“I'm lost” is ignoring one's position in space. Remain devoid of oneself? It is like being in the middle of the sea. Lost in the most turbulent waters, In the grip of currents, in the grip of forces that pull in indefinite directions, currents that are incessant. The fight becomes daily and you have to try to stay still, to maintain your position and not to be swallowed. On the other hand, in the boundless and flat waters where the horizon is no longer seen, one is deprived of oneself and the directions to take disappear, the past and the future disappear, ambitions and fears disappear, one remains naked to the soul like animals in peace.
I find myself navigating on sight. Change and tensions are inevitable, just as stasis is inevitable. It is the law of opposites, if there is stasis there is movement. It would be nice to realize that the two concepts exist and coexist together.
I never managed to stop in one point or rather I never stopped in one point because I stopped in too many points. I thought for a long time that this was a problem and I pointed it out as one of my worst flaws, trying day after day to correct it. Then I simply observed this part of my character and looking back, looking at all the points where I stopped, made up of passing obsessions and temporary passions, I saw all my experiences lying there one after the other.
The best thing I could do was put them in a trunk. Now I always carry them with me well aware that I will put others in there, without blaming myself for them because it is me and my trunk, it is me at 360 °, only in this way am I complete, only with my toolbox.


In recent years I have made bad choices, choices that have led me to live a life that is not what I wanted: as children we all imagine how we could be tomorrow, but we will never know for sure if what we want will come true, but we can do everything possible as long as it happens. I didn’t do it, I saw grown-ups and I wanted to be great too, all too fast, all in a supernatural way. I didn’t have to do it, I didn’t have to grow up so fast, I wanted a normal life, to be a girl like any other, yet I ruined everything. If I could go back I would change everything, I didn’t think I could say it, but that’s the way it is. I’d be hypocritical if I said I’d do it all again, no. Usually it doesn’t happen, usually I would do what I did, but not this time. This time I would like to live it, life, this time I would really like to be happy. This time I would choose me, me and me again. But there is no going back, and I can do nothing but tell you to really enjoy life, to the full, it might be worth it and you might not regret it. Don’t be frightened by what might happen, rather, make sure you never have to wonder what might have happened. Just make it all happen.

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