We humans are always looking for a way to escape from reality, and the reasons seem endless.

Of course, for fear of death. Sure, because they want to die but they don't think their time has come yet. Sure, because they don't want to make their loved ones suffer with death even if we want to die.

And obviously they don't focus only on death, there are thousands of reasons: stress, tiredness, fears, situations, by their very nature...

And it is curious how many different ways there are.

I've been reading a lot, really a lot lately. And every time I read, it's as if I create a new universe around me where I am the spectator, and the adventures are dictated by the book.

I like to depersonalize and observe, observe what is happening from a distance, analyse, make my assumptions, and keep looking at every little detail.

My personality is still a bit split, and right now I'm totally uninterested in being part of people's attention.

And I've noticed that, often in recent years I've tried to distort reality into something less painful, let's say I've lived in another universe. It's curious how my mind kept looking for ways to protect my sensitivity, trying to give me everything gradually; initially suppressing almost everything, then slowly letting me experience the pain.

Honestly, I'm curious what ailments I might have, but it's better that I don't know since, it could be that my mind could try to conform to the ailment.

Another nice way I've been creating universes is through people. It's something that, for now, I've decided I'm not going to ask people to do anymore. Creating worlds with other people, describing them, interacting with them, that was definitely one of the best ways I created happy universes.
Another way I used to create universes is through creation, programming. I have always treated my programs with care, attention, in every little single detail. And I identify with them, I make them grow by paying attention to detail. We can say that, every programming project that I do, I treat it with care and give it its own soul.
There are also abstract or other concrete ways with which I create universes, but I'm tired of writing now: the part of me that favors writing is correlated with pain, on the other hand I was born this way, and when I'm fine I tend to write less .

Well, you know how good / bad I am really looking at my blog, and how much I publish.

If I post frequently, I'm sick.

If I post 1 time every day / 2, or more, it could be that, either I'm so bad, or I don't have time, or I'm fine.

If you don't see me for 1 week, there's confirmation that I've been fine all week.


The shadows of the night gather in a distant ravine near the highway to the sky, unfinished basement like many others, they light a fire to recognize themselves but humans do not see them, they are dark to most, it takes inner sensitivity, or you have it. or not, it is not bought with securities, money or a self-declared status.
You can be straight, gay, lesbian, trans, bisexual, it doesn't matter, the Soul has no gender, there is you and the dark, Hell, Purgatory, Heaven and they, who call you and try to lure you into the their kingdom.
The sound they emit is shrill, plaintive but, little by little, it changes, it becomes recognizable, tears, as they have passed away, but then slight smiles for the weight that humanity possesses and distributes day by day on those who live.
They dance around the fire, they have rags on or even naked but full of pride for what they have done and, above all, given in terms of Love, Perversion, constant search for their limits.
It is macabre because if you see them and approach them they are of a deadly pallor, bones in sight, worthy of the scariest horror not yet written.
If you have weak hearts, do not go .... just read, it is enough to imagine the havoc of hearts, limbs and minds that these dances represent but also life lived and sufferings faced ...
The night hides this and more, if you don't have the right eyes you will never see them ....


I can’t really explain the pain I feel. I can only tell you that I try to live but this life is really not for me. I swing from moments of extreme anger to moments when I have no reason not to throw myself off the balcony. road without hoping to be hit, I don’t light something without hoping to die from electrocution, I don’t take medicine without hoping to die of an overdose, I don’t smoke or drink without hoping that that substance will kill me. ‘is no one with whom I can share my weight.My head and body are so far apart, I have the heart that every second that passes an extra crack, I have a thousand thoughts that I try to escape but lethally devour me every part of I don’t see reasons for just another breath and the more in vain I try to find reasons not to go, the more the world or life gives me some to really leave. I try, but maybe for some life is not, I’m sorry to disappoint those who perhaps still believed in me. I can’t really stay, if they asked me why are you so sad? he is distant and I die waiting. I loved you, and how real are the tears that now would like to fall from my eyes, how real are my absent and dull looks, how real are panic attacks, how real is the commitment that I put into it, so it is always was my love for you or for you true. I leave my place in this life to someone else, I do not deserve or want to live it. I have become just an empty shell that walks and breathes. I died long ago, my soul died long ago. I’m not a princess, he won’t trigger him to save me, he really won the bad this time around.

My sensitivity is my gift and my cross. Where the many are barred, I am allowed to feel. I feel the shades of the soul and I see its colors. My wonder of a wildflower and I cry in front of the sea. I see no heart for the scar and no tears for tears. I feel joy and pleasure, pain and suffering. This is my gift, this is my cross. Music has taught me to be curious. A love cannot take something away from you. Those who say they sacrificed themselves for love make me laugh. Too bad for them. Fears are needed. It is not useful to chase them away. I’m afraid that fear will paralyze me one day. This yes. But it doesn’t just apply to me. It scares me that it could happen to anyone. ou, queen of few words, heal my soul. Let the darkness peacefully lull her into the day. Luminous Queen, common point between distant souls, let me free myself from the chains of distance that men have not yet been able to destroy. Let him be able to rock me one more night, and another. And if you can’t leave us together, enlighten us also tonight and cradle and our souls that meanwhile dance a nostalgic waltz on the edge of the precipice of human will. And let this dance be eternal. Let at least our souls be together, distant queen.

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