TWO FACES

Too many things disappoint us for this reason we begin to no longer believe in anything.
Too many people hurt us, so we start not trusting anyone anymore.
Too many things “seem” and then not “are”.
This is why we begin to demand facts without letting words be enough.
I ran, I saw faces,
I talked to me I saw myself from above as you say
I put my things aside like it was dirty
I put the old me aside as if he were dead.
And with the passage of time the faces tend more and more to resemble faces,
and gestures to gestures, as if the chain did not want to break, and to every person who goes,
ready,
there was another there to start over,
one not wanted but necessary relay.
At that moment you think you are doing something that,
while going against your principles,
can do you good, can make you feel better
Then the next day,
all the people are ready to judge you,
to treat you badly,
not to talk to you anymore about something that doesn’t concern them in the least,
and they still make you feel like shit is worse than before, because let’s face it,
the comments of the people do not go unnoticed.
I’ve been quite nostalgic lately. I don’t know what it depends on. I have these flashbacks, triggered by some precise action or which come so suddenly. And they catch me off guard, most of the time. What anger I feel. I still don’t understand how it could have happened, how I didn’t realize that it was all just a fiction. This society, paper faces, television faces, mortal statues. I do not understand how I lived things, with that immeasurable naivety of the lilies, there on the piece of furniture while they watch the world die. Maybe that’s what I miss most of all, that happy version of me. Nothing seems up to it now, nothing seems to me really worth it. And that makes me lost, exasperated. I’m tired of living these empty, emotionless days. I feel I need a shock, that thrill that makes me wake up from all this apathy, all this emptiness that has led me to no longer be me. I feel I have to do something, but I am paralyzed, overwhelmed. I just need those real emotions that fill. And the emotion that filters the world out there is fear of death.

THE SILENT WORLD

Waking up before dawn allows you to see each star still in the sky, others reflected in the puddles.

It's cold, the darkness persists and embraces us with its mantle of wind and rain.

I sowed my intentions materialized in apple seeds. I sowed them near the olive tree where I had installed Matria. And immediately afterwards the rain came.

I then picked up the red diary and found a piece of the family tree, notes taken after having bisto the film "Mother", where are your children?

Everything makes sense, even spending the day cleaning and packing, seeing The Paper House and feeling a thousand anxieties.

I carry with me the fear of not making it and falling into the abyss. The fear that I would like to dissolve, that I would like to have no more.

And it all seems to me like a messily ordered chaos in which you simply have to find the thread again.

Yesterday I felt a slight thrill and joy in seeing various episodes of "The Silent Sea". I looked like a teenager in the middle of all the betting chaos. Compelling, beautiful. But I keep seeing the way society has shrunk. Dehumanized. Will there remain, even in this case, only an animal-daughter to continue life?

DRAMA HOURS

The worst drama in the world is the despair which is capable of making the body and spirit of the human being die. Despair is the best weapon that evil uses to annihilate man in dignity and in his worth to make him his own. In the modern world, despair has spread quickly, including not only some sections of society but a bit of everyone and, increasingly, young people. Despair, more than from a lack of material goods, comes from an inner loneliness, from an inability to communicate one’s feelings to the other (without falling into hypocrisy or the usual clichés), from not feeling loved or for the less popular: all this leads to an unbearable burden of life.) We know of people who did not lack wealth or success in the workplace, beauty, approval of others (people also from entertainment, cinema) and who nevertheless felt sun and despair. The desperation of one who feels grossly guilty towards society, who has done ignoble things, who feels an outcast, a rejection of society, without hope of salvation is one of the gravest forms. Here evil plays its best card, it already has it in its coils and is only waiting for the moment that he indulges in an intimate life of extravagance or an extreme act of suicide! Daily intercourse with others can lead to despair (misunderstandings, quarrels, betrayals). In reality, every human being in the world is like a universe unto himself (a city-state, if you grant me the term). We see people around us that we don’t know anything about, we don’t know who they are or their history. The body, like an armor, contains wills, feelings, tastes, aspirations, its own characteristics that others do not know (sometimes not even the same family members) We would like others to think as we do, have the same interests, food tastes, music, sports, political ideas, artistic choices and we marvel if they don’t appreciate or despise what we appreciate. Thus we discard from our life those who are not according to our model. We are now billions of people, all different (like fingerprints), strangers to each other with difficulty in communicating and sharing. Sometimes we have something in common or that we like about each other and friendships and falls in love are born but, at the first incongruity, they decay. True friendship and true love is that of those who understand that the other is different, accept and share this diversity by reconciling it with themselves. The body is a facade that often deceives, a mask that can hide the totally different interior. In our mind there are images of beauty that overwhelm us (as well as sounds, melodies) and it may happen that a person corresponds to this image and we are deeply attracted to it but the spirit of that person is unknown to us. A peaceful and married life is possible only if one person manages to “graft” his self into the other to continue living as a single individual while facing the daily difficulties that life presents.

JOYFUL PLOTS

If you see something negative in the other, it means that you have something negative in you.

If one looks at others and sees twisted threads then it means that he often chokes himself.

The pride of the projection lies in the joy of seeing on the other what one believes not to see in oneself.

But calm down, no distractions because Anna Freud is still elaborating the game that the adult child plays in this society.

There is no restriction for those who look elsewhere.

There is no limitation for those who do not look at themselves at all.

Only one special saying remains in the arc of an arrow:

your grass is rotten because you don't water it.

But saying and not saying the things that are truthful is a sharp piece of whoever removed the score

from the piano to let the player invent it himself.

And maybe the musician is sitting hidden at the end of the hall enjoying the spectacle of the sound void.

Those who are used to following the notes do not know how to cook breaks.

MOEBIUS

I feel like inside a cocoon. I would like to have a zipper right there, where my hair ends, a zipper to pull until it opens in two and pop out, emerge from the old to feel alive. take a step, look down on the floor at that mass of past stories, extra pounds, accumulated mistakes and feel good in my new skin. I am experiencing a paradox, I continue to seek silence and in the meantime I would like to have friendships. I feel so alone. I’m on the verge of another change, less traumatic but not taken for granted. it is difficult to see spring advance and not yet understand where to blossom.
Nature is not good or bad, Nature is not bad. I believe that Nature in her being is ALL beautiful and perfect. Every aspect of nature should be well appreciated, every element that constitutes it, whether it is an animated element or not. From the small insect that lives its life by surviving, to the majestic and imposing centenary tree. In the same way, the little caterpillar walking on branches is already beautiful in itself, and it is beautiful already as it is. Why, both through the media and without, do we teach our children that caterpillars are ugly and useless and necessarily need to become butterflies to have beauty and value and count for something in the animal kingdom? A caterpillar that becomes a butterfly is certainly a noteworthy scientific advance, a development of the animal that in this way accesses new functions and abilities. But this does not mean that before this “transformation” that little animal is something useless and unpleasant to the eye. Each of us in our own way is unique, special, beautiful, precisely because we are all different and we do different things; it is right that we can always improve but we all have a starting point that already implies that we are important, that we count for something in this society.

THE VALLEY OF DARTH

The world is becoming butchers and we ourselves are the butchers, what an absurd paradox! While we are intent on destroying the world to “work” we do not realize that we are losing the place to live, we do not realize that without water and oxygen we cannot live, instead we can very well without oil, but what matters Moreover? Nowadays, of course, oil. But do we realize that we are dying piece by piece? All, all of all ethnic groups, all colors, without any difference, from all social states, from all over the world. We are dying and we think about the differences we have between us instead of uniting everything that unites us to build, we are destroying and we don’t know how to think about anything else!
And here I am, struggling with my classic panic attack, with my crises, crises that do not depend on what happens to me, but which depend solely and exclusively on my thousand fears and paranoia. Do you think I’m stupid? Unfortunately you are right, you are absolutely right. The doctor says that it is the coffees that fuel my state of perennial anxiety, but I don’t think it changes much (also because today I only drank a coffee). What leads me to stay like this is myself. For example right now I think I should try harder to build a future that is worth living, I think I should try to give less affection because it is often not reciprocated, I think I should have more time for myself, but then there I think back and conclude that probably I shouldn’t have any time for myself at all, I think I should satisfy the wishes of the people who love me, or maybe I should satisfy mine. I think I would like to be more independent from the world and I feel that I have not finished much, I think about the events that will happen, about the ones that I have seen in my vision and I am afraid that no one can imagine how terrible it will be. I think my heart is beating fast and I can hear it in my ears. I think I forget to breathe, I think it’s raining, I think if I don’t calm down it will get worse and worse. This is the problem: I THINK!
We are human. No matter what we try to do to convince ourselves that this is not the case, we are this and we are wrong, but this is also normal. We are stubborn, we are sad and misunderstood, but we must live with ourselves and love each other, but above all forgive ourselves. We must give up, we must stop wanting to feel strong to protect ourselves from others, we are human: we suffer.It hurts to fucking feel vulnerable, but we are made of flesh and blood, the fact is that we are vulnerable. We are only human beings, we are only mere creatures, like other animals, we are only ourselves, and however much it hurts to accept it: the sooner we accept it and the sooner we forgive ourselves! WE FORGIVE OURSELVES.

STORY OF HUMAN ELIMINATION

They are reducing the world population and we don't even realize it.
We are pushed to have sex for fun by porn sites and TV shows like Geordie and Jersey Shore as they bombard us with Durex ads so that we don't have children. Now committing suicide has become a game. Now you are so stupid that you agree to throw yourself out of a building to be filmed and to post it on social media. To "win" a game in which we lose our lives. To be "cool" in the eyes of others. And to please a "curator" who does not know who the fuck he is, where he comes from, who the fuck he thinks he is to give us orders. And what orders then. We are so dumb and bored that we choose to become their dogs. We are easy to manipulate. Easy to control with a stick. We're just stupid humans. Who let themselves be manipulated by other stupid humans. They tell us thrown out of the building and we rightly throw ourselves. Because they are powerful, then they punish us, wow, what a fear. What the fuck is your life worth ?! What the fuck would you like to be when you grow up? People who let themselves be manipulated by ordinary balls? People who put their lives in the hands of others? Do you like bleating like sheep? You think you do and you don't even notice it. We are a flock of retarded people heading straight for the slaughterhouse. Including myself, I am no better than you.
Much of the population is addicted to drugs such as cocaine and heroin that speed up our death, turning us into a cluster of zombies. Now The Walking Dead doesn't just feel like a TV series.
Are you pregnant and didn't know? You can have an abortion.
Are you pregnant and do you know it? Morning after pill.
As long as we are teenagers we go to the disco, we get drunk, we fuck all night and the next morning we don't even remember what he looked like.
I've seen 13-year-olds smoking a 20-a-day pack of Marlboros, I've seen girls lose their virginity in a nightclub bathroom. I've seen guys my age ruin themselves by snorting their traumas on small tables as black as the shadow of their soul. Who smoked burning it on the tinfoil.
And I wonder what the fuck am I doing in this world of shit.
It will not only be you who will become sterile but our entire generation.

MISUNDERSTOOD

When I speak and say something, I am never understood. When I speak and say something I am not listened to because I do not speak on video. I write and speak. I don’t record videos. Those who make videos perhaps have a better chance of being heard and understood, even appreciated by everyone. The videos are more followed. I am never taken into consideration because I don’t start talking in front of a cam, I don’t show my tits, I don’t whisper, I don’t blink, I don’t talk about fashion and make-up. I feel very frustrated about this because in this society only videos matter. People want to see someone, fantasize, imagine. I don’t show videos. I speak. But I’m not understood.

I DIDN’T KNOW REALITY

I have lived for half of my life in my art world. Then I got out and discovered reality. Unfortunately for me, not knowing the rules, I didn’t know how to behave, so I was always spontaneous, sincere, without ulterior motives. Instead I had to learn that reality is artificial and that people are almost always constructed and false. I had to suffer criticism because I am too “sociable, open, convivial, affectionate ..” Think about how a person who always has everything with his heart and hears certain things can be. So they explained to me that I have to follow certain behaviors to be accepted by people, people who are all cold, detached, always with a mask and not at all spontaneous. I refused, rather I am alone with my dog ​​and my books. We wrote, sang and danced and the inevitability of the black future was tangible. We looked too far away. We didn’t touch a drop, no substance but our minds were so full of things that we were unstoppable and unstoppable. At night we wandered into philosophical discussions and our intent was not to explain things but to express our experiences. We went to the most unknown alleys of Palermo, wandering in search of wonderfully unknown corners. We sighed as if we were in love with the air itself. How can one continue to live after having touched eternity? How can we expect a future that was invisible to us? We were our infinity.

MORE BEAUTIFUL

What do you ask the people of this society? To be efficient, brilliant, beautiful. What’s so much about the women of this time? The trick. Because women always have to be perfect. They always have to be beautiful to be noticed and to be considered. women can never forget in their lives that they must always be beautiful. If they do not show themselves at their best they are considered witches, mussels, zombies. In short, women are always required to take care of their appearance. And women spend a lot of money to buy make-up products. They spend a lot of money going to the gym. To make destructive diets. Women are required to have an image always suitable for their role as females. If they don’t show this picture of themselves then they’re lesbians, or crazy, or depressed. A woman who neglects is considered depressed. If you don’t reflect the current fashion model then you are out of every pattern and therefore out of every round of friendships and stay alone. If you don’t talk about all the topics women talk about, then stay alone. Women themselves marginalize you, women themselves are the cruellest throws at other women.

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