LUX IN ARCANA

Arcane structure of the cosmos
Immense evolutions of species
And I, with my vague impression
of the indeterminate,
of anxieties, thoughts,
of the perplexities made visions,
I collect my data
of the soul, the secrets,
of my hidden and unacknowledged dreams.
And I look for fixities made of stones. 
I look for balance and poor food.
Oh light that the universe sets
dissolve my anxieties to certainties. 
Free expression. 
of this conscience of mine.
I would like to shout to the cosmos
with my broken voice
when I am sand in the desert
my mother's name
and stand by her.
I only ask this and I am happy.

I HAD TOO MANY THINGS

My mother told me that I filled the house with stones, shells, feathers, dead insects found around, dried lizards, beetles, … I could be a naturalist but I didn’t like it. I found those things and thought them beautiful and put them in boxes and our salon looked like a museum. My mother prefers knick-knacks and porcelain objects. She wanted me to paint pictures for the living room and she wanted them dark. It was always an argument with her because she didn’t like what I did. She wanted “still lifes” but I painted living things. Then I put the rolled up painted fabrics, sometimes I threw them away, when he criticized me and made me angry. I threw a lot of things that I kept in my room. I then took some of them to my house afterwards. But then I burned it all because they were bad memories of anger experienced because of him. When I was sick I painted. It wasn’t therapeutic. After that I felt drained and weak. My energy was all gone into the painted canvas.

MY HEART IN YOUR STONE

My thoughts today go out to all those who are so eager to find a partner, that they are satisfied with a person who is ultimately not what their heart is waiting for. And with this (wrong) person they make plans, maybe even on a big scale: they have a child, they get married, they go to live together, they put a lot into play. Yet, yet, inside their hearts they know that it is ultimately not what they wanted. My thoughts go out to all these people who, for fear of not finding the right person, make the wrong one take too important places in their life. And one day they will see the person their heart was waiting for pass by on the street. The heart, poor thing, will rejoice, but only for a second. Because by now it will be too late to go back. Be patient, man.

SUDDENTLY

The fundamental problem of humanity for 2000 years has remained the same .. love each other. Only now it has become more urgent, much more urgent, and when we hear again today that we must love each other, we know we don’t have much time left now. We always love too little and too late. Let us hurry to love. Because at the sunset of life we ​​will be judged on love. Because there is no wasted love, and because there is no greater emotion than feeling when we are in love that our life totally depends on another person, that we are not enough for ourselves. And because all things, but also inanimate ones, such as mountains, seas, roads, but more, more, the sky, the wind, more, the stars, more, the cities, the rivers, the stones, buildings, all these things which in themselves are empty, indifferent. Suddenly when we look at them they are charged with human meaning and fascinate us, move us, why? .. Because they contain a presentiment of love, even inanimate things, because the planking of all creation is love and because love matches the meaning of all things. Happiness, yes, happiness, speaking of happiness, look for it, every day, continuously, indeed anyone who listens to me now is looking for happiness now, in this moment because it is there, you have it, we have it , because they gave it to all of us. They gave it to us as a gift when we were little, they gave it to us as a dowry, and it was such a beautiful gift that we hid it, like dogs with bones do when they hide it, and many of us do. they hid it so well they don’t know where they put it, but we have it. You have it, look in all the closets, the shelves, the compartments of your soul, throw everything away, the drawers and the bedside tables that you have inside and see that it comes out, there is happiness, try to turn around suddenly you might catch her by surprise but she is there, we must always think about happiness, and even if she sometimes forgets us, we must never forget her. Until the last day of our life, and we must not be afraid even of death, look that it is more risky to be born than to die eh .. we must not be afraid of dying, but never begin to really live, jump into existence now, here.

PROPHECY

But there are those ten minutes in my days, those half hours in which I no longer understand anything, and it doesn’t matter how many people around the world love me: I’m alone. I can’t call anyone. I go down and I can only pull myself up with my strength. It’s nothing, it’s just that I’m afraid. And fear is one of the most alienating sensations I’ve ever experienced. Now I am more afraid because I fear that the whole world will collapse, I see people attacked, treated as if they were nothing, I see bad actions, cruel situations. And no one intervenes, no one really wants the good of humanity. Was God himself scattered by these forces adverse to our well-being? We were told that the Voladores we create them ourselves but then who are all these cruel beings who beat and subdue people? Did we create them? Maybe they had to defend us and not attack us. We are souls, beating hearts, and they beat us as if we were stones. We feel the strong pain of this lack of freedom but as soon as we do something to get up they hit us harder. They are men trained in violence and yet they have a mother, brothers, children, human beings like us. I am afraid that this world is collapsing and it is not a TV series and it is not a game. You may not look, you do not see, you do not know but a very dangerous journey has begun for all humanity, the journey towards death.

I SAID GOODBYE

I said goodbye in the end,
I counted the petals, the drops of frost,
I even counted the clouds.
I said goodbye but didn’t leave.
It was all still there,
leaves, stones, boots, sparrows.
I couldn’t nest on a branch,
to be human means to build.
But I don’t want to build,
concrete and tears, and distorted iron.
I said goodbye but remained like a thread of heaven,
like a stringy mist,
like a sovereign bride.
Mud and petals, roofs, twigs.
The sparrows and I are the same.

MADE BY STARS AND DREAMS

It is literally bad to feel strong and weak to be happy and sad after a few seconds. Dreaming of things that you know that cannot be there and realizing that sooner or later there is an end for everyone, and you can not do anything but accept it. I would like to have no thoughts, have no emotions, be a stone, which with the arrival of the rain everything slips away. But how do you, how can you not think of something bigger than you, you can hide it from your eyes, but after a while it comes back, always there. If the sun hides the wounds, the night brings them back to the surface, and you can do nothing but let yourself be carried away. But what is the meaning of writing, what is the meaning of life, if in the end we are only memories You wonder if it makes sense to spread your own being, or to stay in your own small way, but what life is it if you don’t bring a little of yourself into the world? There is no need to escape, but if everything is rowing against you, where do you find the strength to fight? Let yourself be carried away by life, or take it in hand? It is as if I have understood all the mechanisms, all that remains of life, but then why am I here? Open the windows, let the sun in, listen to the bells ring, listen to the noises, take a breath, don’t think and live in the present
This is what people do not understand about me, I am not satisfied, I dream. Because despite having met false, slimy people, real snakes, I still believe in friendship, the real one, the one that saves you. Because despite having lived through toxic relationships, or not very serene and sometimes almost one-sided, I still believe in love, the one that shakes your heart, that reactivates you, that makes you be born a second time, in that complicit and crazy love. Because despite the falls I still believe in the strength to get up, alone, or holding someone’s hand. Because although the world sucks I still believe in the beauty that is in it, just sit and watch a sunset to find the energy of life. Because although life is hard, I still believe that it is worth living it. And maybe yes, I really dream, but I’m not satisfied either
It hurts me to think that there will be someone else who will wait with the same anxiety with which he was waiting for me. It hurts me to think that his happiness will depend on someone other than me. It hurts to think that that “exaggeration” we always talked about has gradually vanished. To think that there will be another person in your place, to think that he will be able to give her everything you gave her and maybe much more, what she is looking for, what she had always sought in the end, to think that someone will give her that dress that so much she liked it, who knows if she will know the same things she was telling me, maybe she’ll like another dress rather than the white one she fell in love with, and she’ll forget a little bit how that dress, which will come back to her only if she finds the photo she had taken of him scrolling back through the gallery. Yet I know that he will not delete that photo, he will keep it, maybe he will smile when he sees it again and maybe he will keep it a little longer than the other old photos on the screen, after all he wanted it, after all he had dreamed of it in the past. It will hurt when mine is no longer the arm she liked to lean on when she was lying on the bed, it will no longer hurt me the little voice of a child that made her seem smaller and made her so beautiful every time. And it still makes it that way, it’s beautiful yes. There will no longer be a messy bed in my house after coming to see me, there will be no smile that looked at me as if I were her only salvation, and someone else will take my place, take my chair at her kitchen table , she will leave someone else the blue chair in her office where she let no one sit, no one but me, and made me feel important, now she will make someone else feel important. All good things come to an end. But she will be happy, and this is the important thing. And this.
The dream is a defense against the regularity and monotony of life, a recreation of bound fantasy, where it throws all the images of life into the air and interrupts man’s perennial seriousness with a cheerful childish game; without the dream we will age prematurely, and therefore we can consider the dream, if not sent from above, still a pleasant task, a friendly companion on the pilgrimage to the tomb.
Dear ice eyes girl that have nothing celestial,
but however frozen they surpass the ice and they are cold albeit chocolate colored.
Dear sad eyes girl, I wanted to tell you to shine again not to lose yourself in thinking of those who do not think of you not to get lost in order to wait for those who wanted to lose you.
Dear dark eyes girl you will learn to grow to live with fear and make it your strength and your care as well.
You will learn that grownups never cry, but that tears are used to let off steam to regain strength to start over to get up stronger albeit a little stunned.
You will learn to go to fly to fall, and then get up again to turn off only to then return to shine stronger.
Dear hurricane girl that you never stop dreaming that alone you can always do it but you want someone by your side
because together we dance better and together it is better you read a lot and travel too much that music is your world
and books are your place that a beautiful sentence underline it in red with pencil a straight line unlike your life
which is always an infinite curve and also uphill that you change your mood easily according to the steps of your Love based on a smile of hers and his smile that puts a smile on your face.
that you have big eyes and the gorgeous smile that you want to hear your heart beating fast because you want to live strong because you want to live for real.
Dear girl woman, I wanted to tell you to start shining again, because you are not the disappointment of this world but the disappointment is this world which has lost its values which is a meaningless world where now only what is not needed counts – superficiality, of course.
I wanted to tell you to shine again like a shining star to shine alone without needing someone to turn you on, because the real music of this world it’s you, just you and that’s it.
Don’t be discouraged, do not stop do not change do not stop dreaming: go, run, shine take everything you deserve and shine, you always shine,
because they will teach you not to shine they will discourage you because they are envious they will extinguish you
because they are jealous of your light, but you don’t listen to them.
You shine.

I DIED ONCE

I wandered through a fantasy forest.
Blue branches, yellow barks, purple grasses, star gourds.
My one second dream.
Those who keep their hats even at night.
The thieves of gods.
Tears without taste.
Drinking.
I don’t protect myself with the sacred.
My mantle is made of mountains, bright rocks, forests that I don’t know.
Human journeys first were made by dogs.
Flora is like a colored texture around the inky black of my path.
I was a happy child and I was making bouquets of flowers.
Now I collect stones to consolidate my torn chest.
I died once where I haven’t walked yet.
I was taken without my permission.
Collected by an ogre they didn’t warn me about.
It wasn’t his garden, and I hadn’t crossed over.
Maybe my being a doll brought him closer.
Perhaps beauty sometimes brings death.

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