Society presents itself as a sort of “pressing” (pressure) on a person, stimulating him to always seek conformity and forcing him to always pay attention to what “people might say” and forcing him to be “what others want see ”, preventing her from being“ that who is in truth ”. Man, as a part of society, becomes dependent on the opinion of others from childhood. At first it is caused by the desire to deserve parental approval and the respect of peers and later, in adulthood – by the desire to look like a happy and righteous person in the eyes of others. I often realized that sometimes this desire was so strong that it prevented me from living my life, even if it was a little different from generalized stereotypes. In society there is a clear allocation of “successful” and “losers”, “normal” and “strange” men and so on. Even though I understood that my vocation was different from the image, imposed by society and expected by my relatives, I kept trying to conform to that. One wonders, why? Internally many of us agree that depending on some other opinion is stupid, but in practice the situation is very different. The dependence on the opinions of others manifests itself and can be characterized by the envy of the successes of others, by the resentment caused by one’s own fiasco and also by the fear of disappointing the expectations of loved ones and close relatives, because we must have everything “like the others”. If not, “what will people say?”
Is this public opinion, which affects my life, justified? Do I really want to live my life not as my heart prompts me, but as others want? Come to think of it, my life, my health, and my success don’t change based on someone’s disapproval or condemnation. So what’s the point of paying attention to what others might say or think about me? (Here, of course, I am not talking about situations in which my actions could cause some harm to someone.) Often the cause of my inner wars becomes the opposition between “I want” and “I must”. I think most young people my age have already faced this kind of conflict, but in my case the roots of the problem go back to the Russian mentality. In Russian families, children get used to the fact that duty is above all else. The word “duty” dominates the interests of the child. You have to study perfectly, you have to play sports, you have to become a doctor like your grandfather and this list may never end. Saying “I want” is considered disrespectful. I often choose between my “want” and parental “must”. It is always a difficult choice. Finding the right solution isn’t always easy. Over time, I began to listen to myself more often, but that wasn’t always the case. When I was a child, I always did what my parents told me, even if I wanted to do something else. All this caused discontent, a bad mood and insecurity.


We love each other very much, it’s the only thing that comes to my mind because it doesn’t matter, it’s kept and played with them, it’s made in every way to ride! It doesn’t explain anything, I like you, you make me fucking good! I have never been so good with someone, I want to know you better, I want to see who you really are, I want to be able to hug you when I want without anyone talking about us, I want to be able to talk to you about everything, scratch you, kiss you a thousand Important to me, I want to be able to say hello as it should be with a nice kiss and not a simple hello when it happens, you are a fantastic person you have a world inside and I want to discover every corner of you, you and I are not friends, two who if we are guarded as guardians we will not be able just be friends, we will do everything possible, we will talk to them and we will not be with them .. I love my husband so much, and I love him so much, he alone with me. something that I don’t think I can manage, I’m afraid of suffering, of still being hurt and now of being sick another time I don’t want to, but I know one thing, you do me good yes you do me really good, please we let’s build something, beat these walls of fear and pride and become what we are not now.
Anxiety is your mood that changes in a matter of minutes. Anxiety means uncontrollable tremors and spasms. Anxiety is tears, it is real and painful tears. Anxiety is nausea. Anxiety is paralyzing. Anxiety is dark. Anxiety is having to find one excuse after another for your behavior. Anxiety is fear. Anxiety is worry. Anxiety drains your body and your emotions. Anxiety is raw. Anxiety is real. Anxiety means arguing with your partner even though you are not angry. Anxiety is a jolt at every slightest annoyance. Anxiety is made up of flashbacks. Anxiety is an “What if …”. Anxiety is full of “What’s wrong?” and I do not know”.
I had to understand that right away. When someone has a heart like mine, they end up dying before death itself. When someone has a heart like mine, the heart loses it, loses it in unspoken words, loses beats in sighs, loses itself as the tears flow and no one stops them. When someone has a heart like mine and gives it to someone, they never find themselves again.
I looked at it as you look at something you already know we will miss. Too good to last, to be true, too good to become a habit. I looked at it as you look at the sea at the end of summer, when the days become even clearer and the sun shines in the sky. I just looked at you, and you smiled at me. Do not forget certain smiles, certain looks and certain words.
Maybe one of us had to make a decision and maybe it was right that whoever was stronger among us made it. My psychologist once told me: “You can’t love the cause of your own destruction and your own suffering, it’s crazy!” I lost with you, but I won with myself.

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