FINDING THE DAWN IN THE HOLE OF THE HEART

Panic attacks are awful. They come to you like this, without a reason. So at any moment you are in another dimension; you don’t know where you are; stay still you panic. You tremble. You breathe little and you feel bad, you feel death, heart attackā€¦. you feel bad and you have to go through everything alone. But then the breath comes back, you could survive again. I’m not sure where I find all this strength. Destiny has always had a great sense of humor, she enjoys doing strange things and making people suffer, she plays with them as if they were puppets, and we can’t help but stand still and watch. I dreamed of pink sunrises over the sea. I saw them all but fate took them away. The black sea remained, deep, and I could not go down there to get wet and drown. Even when we were born we actually died, we went to a completely different dimension, and we suffered, it wasn’t easy, our life at that moment ended and we were transported to another dimension. If you think about it when we are in the belly it is not defined earthly life, it is life inside the placenta, therefore the ‘placental’ life ceases. Who tells us that after earthly life there is no life in another temporal dimension? I can be here but enter another timeline when I’m sick. Destiny has taken my pink dawns but the blue sea covers my body, it flies blue and I am happy in the sea.

TIME TAIL

Over the years I have stopped clinging to the concept of “Time”, to place all my hopes in it. It is true that it has undeniable power but it does not work miracles. If we continue to do the same things, if every night we go to bed thinking that we have met the only person able to understand us, to love us, we continue to tell each other a lot of nonsense and it happens that the more we put memories on the pedestal, the greater it will be. the propensity to think that only one person is the right one for us. The more we do this, the more we build impassable walls. It is from there that suffering arises and it is from there that we do everything to continue basking in pain because it is simpler, it costs less effort than getting back into the game. See dear, you can wait as long as you want but things only change when we really want to change them. True, love hurts like hell when it ends but I assure you it hurts just as much to be alone. It could happen that people, who for you could be a cure-all, pass you by and leave because you don’t even see them. So you suffer but then keep in mind that sooner or later you will have to wake up on your own and dive into life. As that genius Nick Miller used to say, life sucks, then it gets better (he also says it sucks again, but don’t think about it).
Your hunger is my own hunger. Hunger to go further, hunger to discover unknown desires that belong to us, hunger for those who can’t stop, hunger that is not made up only of meat, moods, groans, hunger for the soul. Your thoughts are my own thoughts. Thoughts written in the same language, thoughts soaked with everything that stagnates in the hidden folds of being, turgid thoughts that bathe the mind, the flesh, which do not torment but awaken repressed primordial appetites, silenced, misunderstood, unavoidable, insatiable. Your key is my own key. An unread poem that I know by heart, a melody never heard but heard, recognized, a work never seen but realized, complete, liked. We are made of the same substance. A closed set that is not completed, but which adds making a difference.
The world has its root in the earth and its crown in the earth. Like a Moebius strip, it coils around itself. Shoulders hunched under the weight of expectations How I carried them in shopping bags. And from the shyness that does not hide from you because it has a short veil. Life is so much a cinema that you are silent. Your bottles have no messages. Who says the world is wonderful, has not seen what you are creating to stay there. Shut up, no opinions. Your ceiling, stars and planets. Headlong into your limbo, prey to thoughts. Proceed through your maze without walls. I survived the woods and beat the ogre. Leave me alone, make an effort, and take your time. And don’t be afraid that …

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