WAITING FOR SOMETHING

There are those days when you no longer understand anything, what up to a second before gave you happiness, makes you nervous, that thing that gave you suffering, becomes pathetic. In a few moments, everything loses sense and you feel like in a bubble, enclosed with your apathy, while the world around you goes on. Maybe some individual expresses perplexity, almost anger towards you, wondering and wondering, the why of all this … But you can’t answer yourself, let alone them and then you stay inside, waiting for the arrival of something or someone who instead of continuing to soap you, it will be able to burst your barrier and make you feel alive, again. During these two years of imprisonment I have clung to words and promises that very often people make based on the circumstances, the moments of darkness. When this life returns to “normal” these words will have vanished, forgotten, because supported by a general illusion of being able to be better than what we really are. We are human. We need comfort and a foothold in our worst days. As soon as we get better we will behave exactly as we have always behaved. There is a pre-pandemic and a post-pandemic. The present we are experiencing is just a parenthesis that contains everything we would like to be but that our pride and our selfishness will extinguish as soon as possible.

WANDERING LIKE HERMANN HESSE

I have something to say again, my soul has moved after a period of peace. No, love has nothing to do with it, it's the world that pisses me off. Since my dawn I have been a rebel, I also had my Punk period, then I calmed down even if deep down, the World has always made me sick, and no, I'm certainly not a leader who wants to change society, I don't give a fuck, I've always wanted to make MY LIFE better. I'm a shit selfish.
Classic rock, that of the 70s to be clear, then Blues, Jazz and Classical Music, I go to periods. Lately I often dream of zombie apocalypses, natural disasters, atomic wars and I am there, alone, in the midst of destruction with my inevitable backpack aware of the fact that I have lost everything and everyone and that I have to start from scratch: new life in a new world. In the dream I am afraid but also strongly alive, to see every fucking human value, every prejudice, every brick, every morality, the whole society decayed, makes me feel reborn, makes me feel like the first man of a new system that is not necessarily better.

But on the other hand I know myself, every now and then I feel the need to rebel against the World, I feel chained by written and unwritten laws, which I have neither wanted nor asked for, I was born in the middle and my cocks. Adaptation. I have been doing this for years, not without effort, but by now I have taken my hand, I have control and peace. But if there was ever this apocalypse at the bottom I would not mind that much, I would lose many of those around me, I would feel like shit, and I would put myself there, in a house torn apart by death found after an eternal wandering with a broke vinyl of STYLOPHONIC in my shoulder bag. 

Then in the morning I would take my stuff, I would burn those 4 bricks of shit and I would go back to wandering in search of something that makes me say "what a beautiful place the world".

BEING STRONG

One morning you wake up and just at the exact moment that fraction of a second just before setting your foot on the ground you understand what you really want, what are you willing to put up with and what not, what or who are you willing to put aside because the thing is to One way street… And everything that crushed you until the night before, made you sick becomes the past. Important and non-erasable part of your life, but past. Something you don’t want to hear anymore. There is a greater awareness of who we are and what we want. The road ahead will be long and often difficult, but having chosen ourselves for once and not others will make us feel better. People will never stop judging every step you take, without wondering why you are doing it, or for the person you are inside, they can only see what they want to see without really looking at you. You may be the coldest person on this planet, but do you really want to hide behind a mask to look strong? Is it really so important to show yourself for what you are not? Do you really think you are that strong? We all have weaknesses, fears, insecurities, but we are never alone. Someone tried to reach out to you to help you, why didn’t you take it? You think you can handle everything by yourself don’t you? But is not so. Nobody is alone in this world, you have to get help from someone, you can’t carry all the problems on your shoulders, friends, family, a point of reference, it helps not to keep all the load on your shoulders, let someone take a little ‘weight off your shoulders, you will feel lighter. For me, being strong is like an armor that over time, through mistakes and experiences, you learn to fortify. Being strong is also understanding, for example when a situation repeats itself several times, you learn to manage it and not feel bad about it, when people disappoint you several times, you learn to know how to behave should it happen again, without spending too much time cursing you. I do not consider myself a totally strong person, we all have moments when weakness makes us fall .. you are never completely strong, emotions are too strong feelings to make you feel “invincible”. I don’t always feel strong, it also depends on the topic, but I try.