It's all strange yet I feel like living MY life. I am living. I don't know how to explain it, it's a very strong feeling I have when I look at the days that go by and they're flying away from me and I don't feel like I'm wasting any of them. It seems to me that I have wasted so many years in vain, letting myself survive and undergo life, mostly happy to pass it serenely, albeit passively. To this day I see that it wasn't my life, it wasn't me. I'm the one who ends up spending the evenings on the sofa watching TV or reading, I don't have great pretensions to "go crazy", I'm calm. But I choose it, nobody imposes it on me.
I really don't know how to explain this overwhelming feeling I have of feeling like I'm living my life first hand. Earlier this year I remember being overexcited, in a constant state of elation, and it was beautiful. Today I'm calmer and sometimes I have a few moments where I feel discouraged (especially if there are significant hitches like two weeks ago in Desenzano…), but generally I'm SATISFIED. Not elated, not maddeningly happy, not skyrocketing. I am down to earth and look around and feel good. Aware that everything isn't rosy, that life is shit, that there are messes all the time.
And that in light of all the bad things, even more so, I want to treasure all the moments in which I can feel calm and satisfied, in my little days, in what has been and in what will be, looking at the end of this 2022 with a small smile, maybe a slightly mischievous smile. 

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. valy71
    Nov 22, 2022 @ 12:44:35



  2. For the Love of God, We are all God's Breath
    Nov 22, 2022 @ 12:57:17

    Be who you are. Remember there never will be another like you as you stand alone. Walk away alone and take with you that little girl smile. Love your life for no dam body will like you….never trust those who never show up for they will never come for your smile or your voice. They will only watch you live or die in hope the world becomes a better place without ever doing a thing. Nothing is at it seems for those who see it the way you can not for they hide it. Remember


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: